Holy moly

Full roast 2 days in a row, plus cheese, pate, port, wine, beer

My eyes were stinging when I lifted the duvet over my head this morning to check it out.
My wife was not best pleased.
My 6 year old son asked me to apologise at breakfast and he normally thinks trumps are hilarious.

Salad for me today

You are gross.

Mine are so bad even my dogs have stopped enjoying them.

Similar issues here in the Nanny household, absolutely rank! Hard to isolate the cause, I blame the after eights 🙂

**** horrific today.
Wife has just complained about them

Birds falling, lifeless, from the sky.

Made the missus wretch yesterday. Never felt such a mix of shame and pride before. Think I’ll be mainly drinking water today 😳

Spanner manor, as we speak:

Never, ever playing ‘let’s steal something at midnight mass’ again.

Is that a honkey?

We’re having a turkey like everyone else next year.

Something that was on at the local seems to be able to generate turnip vapour

not so much the smell here it’s the quantity, how many in 10 minutes would constitute illness?

Mine aren’t stinky. I am disappointed. However they are EXTREMELY numerous, loud, violent and prolonged. I swear I’m going to need some sort of burn gel soon.

It’s not just the trumps, I am sweating eau de sprout at the moment 😀

NBC underpants on

Biblical.

I’ve had to check my gusset for mahogany twice today already.

😳

I slept downstairs last night , pale ale&rum and ginger (not my normal tipple but supplied by a guest) makes for a heady brew. Bawk.

Yesterday? Like pure, unadulterated death. Even I needed to open the car window. Although I’m not sure if the streaming eyes on my part were from the smell or the laughter.

Not too bad at the moment, thankfully.

When my IBS was really bad a year or two ago they were frequent and putrid.

Home made lentil soup starter followed by roast with red cabbage and sprouts two days running. Mine don’t even smell like farts any more, just pure methane.

The magic duvet needs tying down and a carbon capture system.

Absolutely vile after too many of the Bil pickled shallots and homemade piccalilli…… vile .

Sprouts actually make mine more palatable, if that’s possible – dropping from 10/10 for a festive 8/10. They’re more volumous (cubic metre, not decibels) but the none festive fart is a lot more offensive.

Have evidently reached that age where family imagine I’ve developed an insatiable taste for chocolate liqueurs and Ferrero Rocher products. I tried to off them all in a day (questionable festive products, not family) along with more veg and gravy than have eaten the last month. Followed by Cornish Blue cheese and various alcoholic drinks. Chilli nuts to finish.

The results are odious, hot, clinging, and heavier-than-air. I am now following in my own fartsteps wearing a permanent worried expression. Time to ditch the onesie and socks combo and go outdoors a lot. Or go swimming in some over-chlorinated water.

I was sharing a room with my little brother for the last couple of nights… He turned in first, when I went in later I actually thought he’d shat himself. He’s an abomination. But he’s gone home now so all I need to do is burn the bedroom and it’ll be fine.

I’m sleeping with the window open just incase I die.

Mine were so bad last night I woke my self up with the smell – I had to turn the light on as I thought the dog had poo’d on the bed!
Wife was not pleased, so I blamed it on her.

I nipped out in the car earlier, gleefully parping and giggling to myself as I drove along. As you do. I then nipped into the fresh air and popped in to the shop. On my return, as I opened the car door and sat back in it I felt physically sick, as my nasal passages were assaulted by the mother of all toxic odours. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I drove back home with the windows down. 😳

nothing like a good bodily function thread to make you chuckle away at your laptop screen until your ribs hurt!

Like something has crawled up by bum and died whilst up there

My favourite line from Shrek, as he’s climbing up a sulphur emitting hillside

Donkey: Have you farted ?
Shrek: If I had farted you’d have died

Just back from a week in our little caravan. It’s a bloody good job neither of us smoke as the air was a bit thick at times, a stray flame could well have seen us go boom

Genuine tears of laughter here.
Well done people.

Stayed at my parent’s house over the festive period so slept in a spare room on my airbed and in my sleeping bag. Knew I’d been parping through the night and that they had been potent, didn’t realise until I went to roll up the sleeping bag before coming home just how powerful they’d been! As I rolled it up and the air escaped from the filling a very concentrated waft went right up my nostrils. Eyes watered, struggled to breathe and had to go out of the room for fresh air

It’ll be getting washed ASAP 😯

Last of the turkey is going into an epic paella right now

Once more unto the breach….

I was woken with a slap last night. Seems I smell bad enough to wake the wife up 😀

My marriage is only safe because my Wife is blowing off as badly as me, we’re both rank amateurs compared to the youngest in the house Miss Jay at 2.5 can clear a room and we’ve got to check her nappy 4-5 times a day “no way that’s a fluff, she must have pooed!” But nope, bless her.

She likes an audience now though, not very lady like but she’ll ask everyone in the room to listen when she’s ready.

Well after the usual gargantuan Christmas dinner, then a cheese board yesterday that would repel a whole heard of goats tonight has been..

Bubble & Squeak including Sprouts, Roasties, Parsnips, garlic mushrooms & carrots. Accompanied by left over Pigs in blankets & pork stuffing all garnished with baked beans.

Lets put it this way most of us are well on the way to a Mt St’Helens recreation