Help us 'oust the milk thief' in work…

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As the bishop said to the actress..fner

The company pays for the milk? What do you care then?

Our fridge gets emptied by the cleaners on Friday afternoon, and we bring our own milk.

Replace it with full fat and watch as she piles the weight on.

superglue on the handle of the milk bottle just before she gets there

Punch her in the face. Easiest solution. Don’t even explain it.

If you really want to do something, I’d suggest the note on the fridge. Doing something to the milk could really cause problems and make things very difficult for her any everyone else.

Something on the fridge that says we are all aware milk is being stolen, we know who it is but just want it to stop. Could even include things like we know the raffle gets fixed every year etc…

She may not be a nice person but you really don’t want to have her complaining that the rest of the workforce are bullying her – the note doesn’t allow this unless she admits to the theft.

Cravendale milk lasts ages, no problem leaving it in the fridge over the weekend.

At the right time on Friday I would pop in with a tea towel I had to add to the ones she is taking home, “Here’s one I forgot to put in the kitchen. No problem if I put it in with the others? Oh, look there’s a pint of milk slipped in there too. Better put it back in the fridge before it gets warm, eh.”

If she has any underlying health issues, doing anything to the milk could have implications. That being said, I would tend to favour philconsequences solution, just as a warning like.

On Friday, just before she goes to collect the tea towels, go into the kitchen and start folding them for her, then just as you’re finishing grab the milk from the fridge & wrap it up in the tea towels with a cheery “oops, almost forgot that!, there you go, have a lovely weekend” …

phenolthalein will do the trick.

move the milk and or tea towels?

Milk of magnesia?

STOP THE PRESSES!

I’ve worked out her game. It’s nothing to do with milk, you’ve fallen for a classic bit of misdirection.

The question you really need to be asking is, how many tea-towels are we missing?

philscons takes milk seriously.

Personally who gives a crap this clearly is about the fact she’s not liked and not about the Milk!

Have a party for her on a Friday afternoon and get to love her rather than hate her, you’ll all die happier 🙂

Never taken a desk calculator for home? Some pens? Made a personnal call? How about thrown a sicky?

Never such large, capital equipment as a calculator but, the others…. silly really, it’s my business 🙂

anyways, moving on…
i’d go with a version of you #2
note under lid to read either

‘BOO!’

or
with apologies to Dirty Harry
‘we know what you’re thinking, did we add laxatives or did we not add laxatives – go ahead, love, make a brew…’

or, 5 mins before she’s due to go, pop into the kitchen and pop a gift label around the neck of the bottle ‘have a lovely weekend’

thanks for all the suggestions… given us a right laugh in here.

will post back with the chosen idea and outcome!

Oooh, I’ve got one.

If it’s a clear bottle, take a photo of you dipping your c*ck in the milk (doesn’t have to actually be that bottle of milk), takeen so you can’t see that its you. Then unpeel the label on the bottle, tuck it inside facing inwards, and re stick the label, then when she is about halfway down….BOOM!!!

… she’ll think “wow, I always wondered how you loaded those things.”

Concentrate on your work so you won’t miss the milk.

I think this is best:

buy some milk, give it to her on friday with a note signed by everyone saying ‘we’ve noticed you stealing the milk, we’re sorry we didnt recognise the situation you must be in at home so wanted to club together and help out in some way…

Gets an office laugh and solves the problem.

SBZ – that’ll be Propofol. A favourite of Michael Jackson.

Mail her a link to this thread?

@project – that’s the best one that you could actually do. Glueing about 2m of fishing line to a toy rat would be my choice.

Phenolphthalein? Courts take a dim view of poisoning.

Green food colouring worked for a friend at Uni. As he says – “no one ever steals green milk.”

“no one ever steals green milk.”

There’s two problems with this.

1) is that people instead throw away perfectly good green milk (though I grant you, this won’t have been a problem encountered by your student friend), and

2) is that when you tip it into your brew and then look into your mug, you’d wish someone had stolen it.

But keep in mind, she is washing the tea towels!! Would you rather she stopped both or neither. Just one is not an option.

Write ‘MILK EXPERIMENT’ on the bottles with a Sharpie.

Wash your own tea towels you ungrateful man!

Does anyone suggestion sabotage understand what the penalties for administering poison/substances with the intent of causing harm are? Up to a good few years inside. If you really want Bubba and Billy Ray as cellmates for the forseeable, go right ahead.

Instead of such stupidity, just grow some and confront her with it. No need to want to harm someone over a poxy bottle of milk ffs.

Jut before she leaves on a Friday, get the office short ar…err…’vertically challenged’ person to hide in the fridge….she opens the door….BOOOO!!!!!

Does anyone suggestion sabotage blah blah

Is there any reason to think that anyone suggesting sabotage is actually being in any way serious?

Write ‘MILK EXPERIMENT’ on the bottles with a Sharpie.

I like it. I like it a lot.

I think monkeyboy (edit ooops) is just looking for sympathy, the forum responded accordingly, It’s time to stop milking it.

Kato shows the way to do a fridge ambush;

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/mv-d7xH/freezer_ambush/%5B/url%5D

Is there any reason to think that anyone suggesting sabotage is actually being in any way serious?

Very possibly. Statistically, bound to be some violent and potentially murderous people on here….

The woman takes the towels home to clean at her own time and expense, takes a bottle of milk. What’s the problem?

Does anyone suggestion sabotage understand what the penalties for administering poison/substances with the intent of causing harm are?

Don’t worry elf, they’re just being internet hard men.

The woman takes the towels home to clean at her own time and expense, takes a bottle of milk. What’s the problem?

Apparently she’s keeping the muck of the towels too!!

You don’t know anyone with a snake?

Might not be the best idea if she’s got health problems and children.

EDIT – In the fridge, not the bottle

She might be incredibly poor and she’s mid milk-carton-house build?

So where does the milk money come from? Is it from individual contributions or paid from petty cash?

billysugger – Member
You don’t know anyone with a snake?

Isn’t that just going to harm the cold-blooded snake?

Isn’t that just going to harm the cold-blooded snake?

Obviously you need to put it in the micro for couple of minutes first! 🙄

Don’t worry elf, they’re just being internet hard men.

No I know but they should stop being so silly. 😐