Help me train my bowels!

IanMunro – Member
Could you sew something like this to your trousers?

Ian, I have know about & kept quite about your deviant nature for too long, I forgot about the goose thing like water off a ducks back, but prey tell, just how the hell did you come across that website? It takes your deviancy to a whole new level 🙁

how the hell did you come across that website?

YouTube?!

how the hell did you come across that website?

The bowels of the Internet?

Cougar – Member

YouTube?!

And the search term?

Unless Ian has had a sudden interest in dags then I’m sticking to my guns 😉

a rare treat getting paid to poo

5 out of 7 days doesn’t sound that rare…

Correct:
much rarer in the “professional” defaecation world is the Shat-trick.

How lucky you English are to find the toilet so amusing. For us, it is a mundane and functional item. For you it is the basis of an entire culture!

🙂

Seriously?

Yep

I hope heavy drink/drug usage was a contributing factor

Nope. Never done drugs and I’ve rarely got drunk my whole life.

That’s the thing with trumping. If someone present isn’t amused, its becomes exponentially more funny. 🙂

Got a proper coffee machine at work ?

Double espresso. Approx 15 mins later the rumbling will start, another 5 mins and every atom present in your guts will be in the departure lounge ready for evacuation.

The OP’s problem stems from the luxurious conditions of the facilities at his place of work. If the only toilet available was a portaloo on a building site, then he would find his arse nipping up pretty damn tight and no mistake. Thanks to the general condition of these horrors, I have been able to go as soon as I’ve had my first cup of tea at home.

OP – here is the solution to your problem…
Fresh Drop[/url]
It’s a thin oil. One drop (pre-evacuation) spreads over the surface of the pan water. The brown steamers sink below the surface and the vapours are contained.
I works. My mother in law bought some and just happened to mention its properties to me when I visited… Oh the shame.

Having man flu really throws my system. I’ve had one very average dump today, I usually manage three with ease! I’m getting a coffee machine for Xmas…..I’m I going to need to wear a nappy?!!

Hahaha, that woodcutter I will have to try!

I keep thinking someone is surely gonna mention it to me sooner or later. Thought it was coming today when a colleague walked into the office after my morning session announcing “what’s that stench?”, turns out he meant one of the girls perfumes was very strong… Lucky that as it was a particularly wiffy one at 11am on the dot, even in my opinion!

The opposite of Fresh Drop would be Liquid Ass.[/url]

How about drinking a pint of water beofre breakfast to flush your digestive system out?

Anyone who doesn’t find this the funniest thread in a long time needs to have a word with themselves.

I’ve literally been giggling away to myself in an open plan office. 10.30am every day for me and I totally agree loud and proud is the way.

Farts are funny, its a fact of life. Even other people’s farts are funny when you’re like me and don’t have a sense of smell.

Now I’m giggling at the thought of my dog who scares himself every time he farts.

I feel for the OP because work dumps are never pleasant especially if you only have one trap!!

A place I worked at previously had only three traps and went through a lot of traffic and there was one deviant that used to fuse his muck to the porcelain. God knows how, it seemed to actually alter the chemical compostion of the Armitage Shanks….

Back to the OP – Personally I would embrace the situation and go for the manly approach, make as many neanderthal style grunts as possible, take as long as is practical and then emerge triumphantly fist pumping the air singing “I’m walking in the air.”

You will become an office legend.

Now I’m giggling at the thought of my dog who scares himself every time he farts.

our bitch is the same, just doesn’t get them ! She also doesn’t like mine much either 😮

Excellent, a poopie-post.

6.40am. Exactly. Every day for, oh, a good 6 months.

The thought of riding 10 miles full of waste always induces happiness.

And Mrs.C gets up at 6.50 to brush her teeth :-).

MrB brings some class to the proceceedings;

What about a litter tray under the desk,you can squeeze one out any time you like,I’m sure after 1 or 2 evacuations they will be more than grateful to dedicate the superloo to you.