Help me train my bowels!

Why is this even an issue? Everyone does it. Move along.

wwaswas – Member

Get a Doctors note:

“To whom it may concern,

Mr Peaks has ‘Elevenses Disease’ which, far from meaning he gets the nibbles late morning, leaves him with an irresistable urge to evacuate his bowels immediately before lunch.

He’d doing his best to cope under difficult circumstances and would appreciate if you woudl ask your staff to avoid commenting or drawing attention to his behaviour in this area.

Thanks in advance

Dr De’ath.”

I’m not signing my name to that….

Cracks me up!! I’m a 11:30am guy although out of sync thanks to a double helping of veg curry.

I’m not signing my name to that….

ah, I pick the name of a local GP from my youth and it turns out his son/grandson posts on here. Wots the chances of that happening?

I’m sure there’s something that could be found that would mean a port-a-loo with a view in the car park was the only solution tot he OP’s needs?

Could you sew something like this to your trousers?

8:45am for me, get in the office for 8:15, coffee, check e-mails, off for an Earth Kitt. As Cougar says, it is a rare treat getting paid to poo, some may even choose to work out how much they have earned whilst there by using this[/url] handy calculator.

So, to conclude, embrace it, take a paper and take your time.

a rare treat getting paid to poo

5 out of 7 days doesn’t sound that rare…

Why is this even an issue? Everyone does it. Move along.

coz the british are obsessed with their bum’s natural functions and find them embarrassing and hilarious in equal measures.

Really trying to bring my kids up not to get embarrassed about pooing and not burst into fits of giggles if anyone farts.

Can I just say that having someone with the sobriquet “Klumpy” on this thread has made my day?

not burst into fits of giggles if anyone farts.

😯 good luck with that one.

Everyone finds farts funny.

Even our cat giggles when it drops a good one.

http://www.misternicehands.com/

Get up 2 hours earlier.
Vindaloo & coffee for breakfast,
Poo before 8

see, I dare D0NK to go on CF’s link with his kids and not giggle.

Our cat used to look mightily confused when she trumped. Almost like, WTF was that.

Anyway, stride out of trap looking refreshed and loudly announce to everyone “I’d give that a bit”.

Some people are just odd about poo’ing. Need a dump? Have a dump! None of this nonsense about only being able to poo at home. If I need to go, I go, not bottling that up for 5 hours. I’d have blood poisoning by then.

Has anyone said….MTFU?

Nothing helpful to add other than the fact that I am, at this very moment, on the throne at work for my regular post lunch clear out. Very relaxing it is.

Plop.

Everyone finds farts funny.

Not my missus – its been a debate for many a year, she does work amongst the elderly though probably gets a bit wearing!

I’d set up a bristol stool chart scoreboard on the back of the door, with a record card with named columns and a pen on a string underneath 😀

I recommend some of you download ‘pootimer’

Sorry Peak, it won’t help but you can have this little app working on your desktop that lets you know how much you’ve earned whilst in the trap:)

I love this place – endless important topics to discuss! I have similar eau de toilette issues sometimes – do it before I leave home, and at work. Emsz I acknowledge some amazing will power to keep at bay for a whole working day! Not a chance here, discretion isn’t easy either – I sympathise with the OP…

Matches?

Don’t be ashamed, be proud!

If the resulting Irish Battleship is of truly epic proportions take a picture on your phone and show it round the office.
Don’t forget a little pre flush customisation:
A pastie-pinched pie crust for comic effect always goes down well, as do Groucho glasses and mustache.

Or a little flag with your name and a smiley face. 🙂

don’t get me wrong, I’m laughing at this thread but come on! farts are not the height of humour, if you’re suffering from flatulence in the same room as me I really don’t a running commentary, or predictions on the state of your underwear. And your score on the bristol chart is between you and your doctor thanks.

Or a little flag with your name and a smiley face.

chuckles

I am, at this very moment, on the throne at work

mind bleach please

farts are not the height of humour

which is why kids find them funny.

This is a shit thread!

😉 😀

Can I just check – “cranking one out” means having a poo right? Or else, there’s a whole bigger issue here…

DrP

I’m laughing at this thread but come on! farts are not the height of humour

Err yes they are.
The top two funniest things I’ve witnessed in my whole life are both farts. The second one I almost passed out I laughed so hard.
Natures inbuilt comedy. 🙂

Reminds me of this

http://www.rouge-media.com/pcc/

Put in wage…hit the bog button…take a poop and hit stop on return.

Shows you how much you got paid to poo! Genius

The top two funniest things I’ve witnessed in my whole life are both farts

this is going to sound incredibly condescending but screw it…
Seriously?
I hope heavy drink/drug usage was a contributing factor

edit actually as a parent I now understand anything your kids do defies all normal rules so if kids were involved forget I said owt.

Best fart ever ..

Not sure if this has been said.

Let them smell your scent. They’ll know how manly you are if you are indeed a man. Then they will all let you do stuff to them – the lovelies that is.

I’m not signing my name to that….

Quack. 🙂

I struggle with long sentences…but a double espresso (or two) followed by a decent breakfast will get things moving.

This thread is unbelievable – I can’t believe some people are seriously suggesting that farts AREN’T funny. FFS, what is wrong with you people?! Don’t get me wrong, we have to make allowances for context, but on the whole I just just don’t understand how it’s not funny.

Doctor; what is the problem today?

Patient; I have a bowel movement at 7am every day

doctor; well, thats great, regular motions are healthy.

patient; I don’t get up until 8

Just stride on out announcing that you’ve got a gentleman in reception…

😯 Hippo 😆 😆 😆

The OP has my sympathy. I’m another one fortunate to work in an office where farts are performed with as much gusto as can be mustered. Even the Inspector comes through to the CID office to drop his guts with a smirk on his face, and we endeavour to return the favour. Only Margaret the secretary doesn’t approve. And it’s considered a great success if one leaves a sufficiently henious stench in the bog to cause the next chap to run straight back out choking and have to poo in the ladies bog instead. I do get a bit cross when people steal my packet of wet bum wipes out of my drawer though.

thegreatape,wet bum wipes,you girlie.

I’m worth it.

Happy bottom = happy greatape.

Sore bottom = grumpy greatape.