"Granular"… "Siloed".. "this space"… management buzz-words 2015-16

I dislike this stuff because it gets in the way of clear, effective communication

Nobody told me we had a communication problem…

Everything now has an ‘MBR’ in my office.

No it’s not a glossy magazine prone to big up Specialized but an acronym for the monthly business review which broadly appears to mean let’s look at stuff and see how it’s going.

piggy back the nations technology capability retention

From the V22 thread…

Back to the Agile thing. Yes I do know what it should be and what it can be if done properly. Typically what happens is some new cockwomble turns up and announces that the organisation is ‘Agile’, and that’s it. Nothing is set in place to achieve that desire. Just a meaningless statement.

The use of “lean and agile” predates Agile as a method.

As a member of the operations department, I often find the ratio of buzzwords to action is roughly 1:-1.

“sweat the small stuff” – we’re going to do bugger all about big problems and instead piss about fixing working on dozens of tiny ones to make the KPI’s look good.

“walk the walk” – as said by anyone who only ever ‘talks the talk’ but actually does nothing to help.

“take ownership” – because nobody else can be trusted to follow through with it. aka ‘if you want something done, do it yourself’

“break out of silos” – I have no idea what this means

We were told that we needed to be an “agile organisation”. Turned out that meant we all had to work twice as many hours
🙁

Classic today “Drop a stone in your pond”…

I used to do work for an organisation that decided to “roll-out” 6Sigma, with the result that everyone got shat on.

“Can you sedgeway this over to me, this afternoon?”

The manager in question has a reputation for incompetence that reinforces the British stereotype that we’re promoted to the limit of our ineptitude.

My last place was using “agile” as management speak to excuse a more panicy and frantic approach. The best management speak terms i heard were

“lets not boil the ocean” apparantly meaning over analyse, or actually do any analysis AT ALL 🙁
“In the meantime lets land this plane on the right runway” sorry simply no idea on that one…. 🙁

There were more that made me cringe but thankfully they are fading from my memory…

^^Andy. Have we worked at the same place? 🙂

I’m just gonna run this up the flag pole and see who salutes.

Let’s throw this at the wall and see what sticks.

‘Our journey’ aka what’s going to happen in the next 12 months before we’re made redundant. ‘Tin’ when describing actual computers. ‘Customers’ except I don’t work in a shop… ‘Own’ as described by others. Countless other shite terms that are in the corporate manual of bullshit.

Corker today, in an email about a work experience school pupil who will be ‘shoulder surfing’ with the team !!

y’all are beginners!!! listen to this master…

Ultimate management made up language…

However the Agile Method is not a buzzword, nor does it mean making things up as you go along. It is a very clearly defined process that can MANAGE change.

It’s the latest rebranding of long-established quality management techniques. Keeps consultants in a job, I suppose.

Anyway: “reach out” apparently means picking up the phone and talking to someone.

Agile done properly is change management and I am a fan. ‘Agile’ is often a mid-used term to justify reactive chaos which is all about the impossible art of pleasing everybody!

Thank god for this thread, some one’s kept asking me for more granularity and I’ve been wondering what they meant. Assumed they meant higher resolution but couldnt help thinking about muscavado sugar every time they said it

I heard someone senior use the phrase “cognisance gap” a few weeks ago.

Meaning “us directors missed it because we forgot about it”.

Sometimes I feel like a sea wall against an incoming tide of piffle. I just let it crash against me with little effect (although the long-term erosive effect might begin to tell).

Also, referring to a presentation as a Powerpoint ‘deck’ is one that stands out at the moment. I am making a point of never using it myself and acting as though I don’t recognise the term when it is used. The amusing thing is that the greasy pole climbers are now using it.

Another good’un was hearing a (not all that competent – politely) colleague protesting about the time it would take do that ‘project’ and that would mean something else not getting done. The funny thing is, the ‘project’ was correcting errors she had made in existing work. My audible snort at the time hopefully conveyed my disdain.

“Streamlining the business” aka management failing to win enough work to keep everyone busy so we’ll get rid of some of the serfs for a bit

We have one in the NHS

Deja-New

A white hot new idea floated by the current management consultants, that was already “socialized” by the previous ones 18months earlier

Anyway: “reach out” apparently means picking up the phone and talking to someone.

A pet hate. Anyone using it in a meeting used to get sent this after the meeting 👿

“Squadification”. Basicly doing things together as a team with everyone being utilised for their specific skills. Blame spotify for that one.

all tea-bagging the same Air Blade

ooh! You got skin in the game?

I’m reaching out to ensure our hackathon’s disruptive collaborative is amplified through the line … Oh god, I hate myself for even writing that as a p!ss take. As for ‘curation’ … $&$&(+$+’#&$+%%#&$-

“break out of silos” – I have no idea what this means

Really? Sounds like you could be working in a silo and you need to get out for a bit.

you need to get out for a bit.

Bio break?

Agree Flashy, Ok lets take a bio break and when we come back energise by ide-ating disruption avenues…. 🙄

(I couldnt stop giggling at all the presentations I wnet to at Google for all the bollocks that came out!)

samunkim – Member
We have one in the NHS
Deja-New

Deja-moo round here. Same old bullshit coming round again

It’s barely 9 o’clock and already in one sentence without a breath I heard.
over the fence
marking homework
due diligence

Could be a long day.

Anyway: “reach out” apparently means picking up the phone and talking to someone.

Yep – from the Bell telephone advert “reach out and touch someone”. They used to use it a lot on NYPD Blue. It was a funny affectation like the jumpy camera. Coming from a mid-level IT manager it seems a bit less glamorous.

I often get emails and calls from suppliers who are “reaching out to me” so that we can “socialise our thoughts.”

I can imagine what your thoughts might be and they’re probably best left unsocialised.

I’m working on a project where one of the partners keeps wanting to “socialise the technology.” It sounds like they’re talking about a puppy. It’s not, it’s an electric motor. It hasn’t wee’d in the corner yet.