find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life…

So im standing at the precipice of moving on again from a job that is leaving me frustrated and at my wits end, bringing home my stress into my young family life-previously never a factor for me before this latest point. Without exhaustive detail, im a 36yo father and husband, and for the last 13 years or so I’ve worked in higher education skilled technical work related to the print trade, currently on my 4th university in that time ( I moved for relationship). I’m currently enduring a period of exclusion where the social side of my job is non existent-colleagues not talking generally/to me/lack of respect ( a weary ‘good morning’ is all i hear for 8 hrs until home time- sometimes not even that? Colleagues are it seems ‘blood out of a stone type’ and my boss is unsympathetic and easily distracted when it comes to team issues. Believe me I have tried and tried and tried, but have run out of sympathy for them all and I’m here at a cross roads. This is making me increasingly depressed, and not something I have experienced to this extent recently in work.

Whilst i consider my options, and with respect, I’m not looking for debating my workplace politics and my place in it- i don’t have the energy, it brings me to my question:

How many of us actually find a career they can truthfully say they love and feel motivated for? And how can i make that change and best analyse my strengths? Ironically as hinted above, I AM a compassionate people person and i’m struggling the most with the severe lack of ANY meaningful human interaction during working hours.

Thoughts, perspective, humour and insight welcome.
:/

I had that perfect life/job. The job ended due to a midlife crisis.
I have never felt as lost as when the realisation of what had happened i had done hit me.
Be careful what you wish for, and remember everything you have you can lose.

Can you not find interaction outside your working life that compensates for the grief within the 9-5?

I flip between sharing your views completely and then thinking that work is a few hours of your week to pay the bills. I rock up, do what I need to do, go home then live my life.

It always seems like it’s similar to being eccentric, it’s much easier to do what makes you happy if you have the cash/stability to fall back onto.

Can you not find interaction outside your working life that compensates for the grief within the 9-5?

– in a past life i had those releases creatively which helped me cope with moments like this in the past. Having a 9mo and a 3 yo makes those freedoms challenging. I should say i have a very supportive partner who is helping me, but there’s only so many times you can tell a partner how shit your job is before it becomes a burden.

I rock up, do what I need to do, go home then live my life.

– until now, this was my MO. This period is impacting my mental health and I’m bringing it home. Frankly this particular job is not that important to me to justify this pressure, but of course need to provide for the family and pay bills. feeling v trapped atm.

Do you need to work in the education side? It might be worth having a look at what the Print Trade itself has to offer as skilled workers are in short supply.

Frankly this particular job is not that important to me to justify this pressure

How easy is it for you to move? If you can find another job then why not?

You probably work with people like me, I’ve never really had any interest whatsoever in the social side of work.

Keeping that shit separate is the best way forward I think! 😆

How easy is it for you to move? If you can find another job then why not?

– in reality, no harder than at other times in my life, notwithstanding the fact i have a family and mortgage. although im leaning into other more significant career directions, like teaching even for instance- something i have flirted with in the past. My partner is a primary teacher and supports this idea though crucially, needs hear that its truly something i want to do, such is the investment in time and emotionally in that career. lots of it does appeal though!

I’m lucky in that I have a job I love in an industry I’m passionate about (music/guitar) but that can have it’s downsides too. Mainly that it’s taken my hobby that I did for fun and made it into more of a chore/reminder of work. I obsess about things that I didn’t care about before. It also seems to have sapped my creativity on the guitar somewhat – possibly just because I’m happier and the role itself is much more creative than previously – I guess there’s a limit to my creative output!

I suppose these are fairly minor things though, and generally I’m much happier in this industry rather than my old role which was similar but an area I had zero interest in. Considering how much time we spend at work I think it’s important to do something that is at least somewhat stimulating. I agree with you on the social thing too, much prefer being in a chatty office even though I’m fairly quiet myself.

Fwiw I left my old stable well paid job with good benefits, holiday etc, for this when my son was a few months old (had my interview whilst on paternity leave) and it was well worth the risk for me – and the family benefit too!

How many of us actually find a career they can truthfully say they love and feel motivated for?

Hardly anyone. I had it for a while (musician), but it was incredibly hard work for very little pay and no job security.

I now have a job I am broadly content in (though not hugely motivated), do music as a hobby, and have the mortgage I could never have afforded when I was self-employed. It’s fine.

So don’t set your sights on a perfect career. You have 2 options: get a new job (definitely possible), or change your perspective/attitude on this job so that you don’t mind it so much (maybe possible?)

And bear in mind that your wife would probably prefer a happy husband with a bit less income for a while, than one who is stressed and angry, searching for a new job that pays the exactly the same!

I think the “doing something you love” thing is bollocks. Yes, it’s an ideal but largely unobtainable and just another thing to feel bad about not having.

Doing something you’re good at, meets your needs and is generally interesting and rewarding is possible and obtainable.

If human interaction is important to you any sort of project related work could be good. IMO having a common aim with a group of decent people can be really rewarding. It’s not the same as working with mates – which can be good but isn’t actually always desirable.

It’s well established that unrewarding work can be pretty much torture and “just getting on with it” is actually very hard. See the whole bullshit jobs thing (link to economist interview)

I flip between sharing your views completely and then thinking that work is a few hours of your week to pay the bills. I rock up, do what I need to do, go home then live my life.

I flip, but from a job I liked doing, to the same one that’s equally as stressful but doesn’t pay. In sales and got a promotion this year yet almost double the target . Very much feels like the company doesn’t want to pay me, yet I have the same amount of stress.  From what I’ve googled this is common behaviour, to stop overpaying too much   So now it’s literally keeping me awake at night,  I’m thinking of alternatives .

The problem with me is that happy until I’m not and have no idea of what a job for life / happiness would be .

I drive buses.
Mind numbing, repetitive, boring work.
However, i work with a great bunch of guys/gals, and I have a great boss too.
The banter is legendary.
If you can cover the bills, you don’t need a lot more than that financially, life is too short.
I’d rather be skint but happy tbh.

I stay in my job solely to pay the bills and support my family. Really don’t like it and it causes me a lot of stress whilst at the same time being utterly unchallenging. The one benefit is that my boss and the people that work with / for me are great. I’d love to leave, just can’t see a way out.

How many of us actually find a career they can truthfully say they love and feel motivated for? And how can i make that change and best analyse my strengths? Ironically as hinted above, I AM a compassionate people person and i’m struggling the most with the severe lack of ANY meaningful human interaction during working hours.

Thoughts, perspective, humour and insight welcome.

I would think very, very few people love what they do. I enjoy my job, I don’t get on with everyone all the time, but it would almost be incompatible with my job to do so. but I get on with them enough, enough of the time.

You say you’re not interested in discussing your workplace politics or whatever, but you have to at least consider it might just be you? There’s a quote I like to remember at times like this “If you run into an arsehole in the morning, you ran into an arsehole. If you run into arseholes all day, you’re the arsehole”. By moving, are you just buying time with a new set of arseholes?

OP, that’s a crap situation you’re in. I sat in a room with a colleague for 9 months who refused to speak other than good morning and good evening. It wears you down, doesn’t it?

Can you take a bit of time off work? I suggest that to see if your mood and physical health improves. If you genuinely feel better in yourself away from that environment I would say move on.

How many of us actually find a career they can truthfully say they love and feel motivated for? And how can i make that change and best analyse my strengths? Ironically as hinted above, I AM a compassionate people person and i’m struggling the most with the severe lack of ANY meaningful human interaction during working hours.

I think I’m fortunate in that mostly I enjoy what I do, which is writing about something I’m interested in and passionate about. There are aspects of the job I dislike. Colleagues I occasionally find exasperating. And I could make a lot more money doing something else. Mostly though it’s pretty good.

That said, there’s a fine line between working in an area you’re passionate about and turning that passion into ‘just work’ though. Been there, done that, sold all my motorbikes eventually. It’s maybe a slightly different conversation, but worth bearing in mind if you want to go that way.

Anyway, the question I’d be asking is what are you drawn to doing at a gut level – put practicality to one side for no- and why it attracts you? Is it just the lack of social interaction that’s the problem with your current job or are there other underlying issues? If you’re really stumped, have you thought about some sort of career counselling?

My take is that the big picture is that being paid reasonable money to do something you’re genuinely passionate about is pretty rare. For most of us, surfing a gentle line between mostly enjoying work and occasionally being hacked off with it is a pretty decent outcome. When I was younger and filled with glittery-eyed zeal and enthusiasm, I’d have been way more full on and probably would be right now if I weren’t full of some post-shoe death lurgee cold bug.

But I think the whole thing summed up by your thread title is a little unrealistic, though it’s relative to who you are and how you’re wired.

The perfect job can turn into a lousy job the moment an arsehole joins the team.

Rule for life: don’t hang around arseholes, there’s too much shit.

Time to move.

interesting reading guys thank you.

To the person who suggested it may be ‘me’ that is the problem, Firstly i take no offence to that suggestion! I have considered this at great length for a LONG time. My behaviour has undoubtedly changed, but when i have set a course correction to ‘lighten up a little’ for want of a better phrase, i am met with unrelenting gloom and complete apathy from colleages-personally and professionally. Its very difficult to distil how changes in my colleagues have affected me, but anecdotally, when i have openly questioned that it might be ‘me’ to my own boss (over a year ago) he said immediately “its not you” alluding to his own stilted interactions with certain colleagues who adopt a stonewall approach. He puts his head in the dand though for an easy life i am afraid to say.

This isn’t the crux of my issue i should add, but it is bothering me to a degree that its making me uncomfortable and verging on proper depression as i understand it.

how i answer my own question about what the hell i would want to really do is the tough one for me though. Binning my current job isn’t the problem emotionally, that loyalty has eroded. Career counselling sounds interesting. For a long time ive not felt good at much beyond the niche technical areas i work in- I’m lacking perspective on my strengths hugely.

interesting reading guys thank you.

To the person who suggested it may be ‘me’ that is the problem, Firstly i take no offence to that suggestion! I have considered this at great length for a LONG time. My behaviour has undoubtedly changed, but when i have set a course correction to ‘lighten up a little’ for want of a better phrase, i am met with unrelenting gloom and complete apathy from colleages-personally and professionally. Its very difficult to distil how changes in my colleagues have affected me, but anecdotally, when i have openly questioned that it might be ‘me’ to my own boss (over a year ago) he said immediately “its not you” alluding to his own stilted interactions with certain colleagues who adopt a stonewall approach. He puts his head in the dand though for an easy life i am afraid to say.

This isn’t the crux of my issue i should add, but it is bothering me to a degree that its making me uncomfortable and verging on proper depression as i understand it.

Sounds like you’ve tried everything then. I would try to stay positive and consider you’re in the enviable position of finding the right job whilst you still have one.

I sometimes work alone as a carpenter and before that I worked from home quite a bit. Having come from a vibrant sales office environment it was quite a change. I found it necessary to find a bit of stimulating adult male conversation and develop a social group by going to the pub a couple of times a week early doors and going riding on Thursday evenings with a group.

And whenever I hear anybody use that phrase “I loved every minute” I think “well it wasn’t worth doing then”. Everything worthwhile I’ve done – all day rides in the lakes, windsurfing in strong wind and waves in Tarifa, building some fantastic wardrobes in a customer’s 3rd floor bedroom, I’ve hated it much of the time. It’s hard hard hard, but the highs vastly outweigh the lows.

im with you Big John on the social side of things. Its probably important to point out that i have no meaningful social circle currently- something that has been an issue for a long time. In short, moving to the NW of England in 2012 from Scotland to be with my GF- now wife and mother of my children- meant consciously leaving those male buddies behind. Those friendships limp along via social media- something that has its own issues. Although MTB is a thing in my life, a young family for the last 3 years means that there just isn’t the time to meet others, in or out of the MTB world- let alone maintaining a real friendship. Moving around in the area also means connections have come and gone but as depressing as it sounds, I haven’t had someone i have met on my own terms- to go for a drink with in 6 years. We have no shared family friends nearby, although my wife has maintained a couple of mums she occasionally sees. She also suffers from this isolation sporadically, but crucially for her, she is in a demanding and fulfilling career. Muggins here, not so much. I know that’s all woe is me stuff, but its where i am at the moment!

ps “And whenever I hear anybody use that phrase “I loved every minute” I think “well it wasn’t worth doing then”. Everything worthwhile I’ve done – all day rides in the lakes, windsurfing in strong wind and waves in Tarifa, building some fantastic wardrobes in a customer’s 3rd floor bedroom, I’ve hated it much of the time. It’s hard hard hard, but the highs vastly outweigh the lows”

love that. so true.

you are at a really tough time in life. been there (still there 1.5 & 3.5 yr old)

it is really hard. Try not to let work get to you too much, focus on the family and what you can do to keep them (and you) happy and sane without taking big risks or making decisions you may regret

I’m in a similar situation as you, OP: I’m an architectural technician which, in isolation, I enjoy, but I’ve really grown to dislike the construction industry, especially how it is now.

The problem is I dont see a way out: I did the first 2 years of a 4 year geology course, before I got an offer that saw me move to Canada. I’d really like to complete it (especially as I was rather good at it: first class grades in everything I studied), as I love the subject, but I’m not sure I want to do it commercially, and turn an interest, that was originally a distraction from my day job, into to a career.

My point is, I wouldn’t necessarily go forward thinking you have to turn a passion into a career: As long as the work environment is a positive one, and you like what you do (you don’t have to be passionate about it), and it brings in enough money to live your life how you want to live it, then you cant really ask for more than that.

I’m in the work to live not live to work camp. If I won a few million on the lottery I’d retire tomorrow, sure I’d have to fill 37.5 hours a week with some other activity but I’m sure I could manage that…

Op, it sounds like you may be in the early stages of a mid life crisis. Have you considered buying a sports car and boffing the secretary? It might help.

I flip between sharing your views completely and then thinking that work is a few hours of your week to pay the bills. I rock up, do what I need to do, go home then live my life.

“A few hours of your week ” .For most people it’s a massive chunk of their life… and that’s the problem. It’s also compounded by :

“A few hours of your week ” .For most people it’s a massive chunk of their life… and that’s the problem. It’s also compounded by :

and until we come up with some alternatives it still will be for a very long time.  As I said up top it’s much easier to do what you want with a big windfall/inheritance behind you. It is always possible to leave cheap but we also need people doing the jobs that need doing to make the place we live work.

re boffing /sports car buying. Those options are currently under review. a statement is expected on March 29th. Probably a good day to bury bad news..

A lot of creative jobs can be lonely places, very isolating, but looked at from the outside they seem awesome just because the end product is impressive. People don’t see the thousands of hours spent largely on your own bringing it into being. I think a lot of talented people fail at their ‘calling’, if you like, because they cannot adjust to the isolated day to day reality of what is involved. Without knowing exactly what it is what you do, a solitary workplace could in large part be the nature of the beast.

On the other hand you’re talking about a lack of respect in the workplace – that ain’t right. Little to no interaction is one thing, but when the one person you speak to all day is lacking respect or empathy then I can see that’s a bit bleak. Just need to build up some social capital outside of work I guess. You say NW but your workplace description sounds Yorkshire – can you move west a bit? People are friendlier here.

what I’ve always found is that you get to the stage that your not getting on with people at work, the organisation is doing daft stuff, then it’s time to change employer (not the same as time to change career)

I often wonder about changing career too mind.

My wife loves her job, it’s challenging, different each day and pays very very well. However the journey to get there has been very long, expensive, and family has sacrificed much to get her there.

There is no easy answer

Ha Gary Lager.. you’re so right re creativity. I am, as it happens, a product of a creative background and education so i wholeheartedly agree- though my current job isn’t in that arena- I’ve seen friends really suffer in spite of incredible talents. Many years of a degree and postgraduate work and qualifications down the pan.

and yes, you have identified very astutely the basis of the personality issues at play in my situation- it is bleak.

Regarding, county borders- being not native to the area I couldn’t possibly comment… for the record though, I’ve found almost every single person I’ve met since moving from Aberdeen to the NW has been ‘bob on’ in many ways. And dare i say it, I’m not sure the reverse is true, of my beloved Aberdeen city and shire… I love you Aberdeen, but you have issues with outsiders lol

I am fantastically fulfilled and happy. Pretty level headed, I like to think. But there was a time, nearly 10 years ago, when I spent 6 months working for a guy who really got under my skin. I don’t know if you’d call it passive aggressive or coercive control but it got to the point where if I got to the office and he was there my heart would just sink. He insisted on having Radio1 on all day (in an office where we were spending all the time on the phone to clients) and to this day whenever I hear Your Sex is On Fire, Greatest Day, my blood pressure shoots right up and I get *that* feeling again.
I started wondering, was it me or was it him? Well, I got out, and after no time at all I realised it was him!
Strangely, we stayed on good terms, could go for a drink and chat and laugh as equals. But in that dynamic, something very strange happened.

Gary Lager you have a very good point.

Where I work standards of personal behaviour have dropped off a cliff. Folks chat to you one day then blank you the next. Backstabbing and undermining rife.

Epicyclo has a great point too. One or two individuals can bring the whole thing down.

OP, life’s too short. Do you find this personality type you describe prevalent in your field of work?

Where I work standards of personal behaviour have dropped off a cliff. Folks chat to you one day then blank you the next. Backstabbing and undermining rife.

+1

And I’ve been told to be sensitive to people’s needs whilst they are doing it…

Gosh, alot of familiarity here in the last few posts.

Regarding whether its particularly prevelant in my line of work, I’m not sure. Working for a thriving top 10 university, my experience can seem somewhat isolated from wider industry. I don’t think it’s unique to the job- I think some people just go out of their way to shut down any interaction regardless of career. The demographic in my team is varied although it’s a small team. There’s two amongst the team who are particularly tough going and they’re the youngest with you’d think all the joys of spring… Not so.

I think the thoughts above regarding moving on are confirming my instincts.

So we’re just glossing over the fact there’s a jet ski flipping ex special forces member amongst us?

Sorry, but that’s frickin’ awesome. More of this please.

I’ve recently made a huge change to my working life.

10 years plus in FE working up to managing a big department and on a fairly good (for the public sector) salary. I’ve given it up. My ex finally paid me for my half of the house she now lives in and so I’ve quit and am going to retrain in a completely different sector and start my own business. Will it work? I don’t know. Will I be better off? I don’t know. But one thing I do know is that exclusively doing things I care about and am actively engaged in is completely and utterly brilliant. Having come out of a job I was able to do on about 30% brain power with shit l, self serving bosses tripping out on their own ego to actively using my mind and loving what I’m trying to achieve is revelatory. It actually doesn’t matter if it works now. Stepping away from bullshit and doing what I care about matters more than any of the other stuff. Mid life crisis? Call it what you like. I’m fitter, healthier, happier and more enquiring than I’ve ever been. The quality of sleep is something else too! And I’m getting on. My kids still have a cool time with me for half the week and the bills get paid. Does anything else really matter?

Have you asked the people concerned outright what their problem is?

Clearing the air like that can be really helpful and it sounds like you don’t have much to lose.

But to your main question – I’m happy if I have a job which I find challenging, rewarding and where I have the respect of my colleagues. Luckily Ive recently started just such a job.

Are jobs in your line of work few and far between? Not sure why you’re thinking of a career change when it sounds like the real problem is the people you work with?