Favourite quotes…

@dti

It was to an Australian (Glenn McGrath) but it was a Zimbabwean, Eddo Brandes, who said that every time he ‘did’ (there’s a couple of different versions recorded of which verb was used) his (McGrath’s) wife she gave him a biscuit.

dti.

Way off the mark there I’m afraid, it was Eddo Brandes. A Zimbabwean player. Still good though.

Another classy one was the big, rufty tufty South African all rounder to Shane Warne after Warne had been giving him heaps of shit about looking like Gerard Depardieu. Playing in South Africa at the time. He fixed his gaze into warne’s eyes and said.

“Listen, mate. Hundreds of people go missing in this country every year. No one is going to miss one more”.

You dont always get what you go after but you do get what you wouldnt have got if hadnt gone after what you didnt get. Blaze Foley.

‘Why are you telling me about ‘Iron Man’ when there’s a war going on?’

Gleaming. One can just imagine the scene.

Bliar’s “regular guy” act should be classified as a war crime all of its own.

“Sold as seen”

“Die, my dear doctor! That’s the last thing I shall do”
Lord Palmerston – last words

“My spine”. Martin Johnson’s response when asked what was going through his head during that 6 on 8 defensive scrum in NZ.

and also that Simoncelli/Lorenzo press conference:
“OK.. I will be arrest”

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!” Hunter S. Thompson

I met Tony Blair a couple of years ago, and he said to me, ‘I was in a band once, and I could never get the riff to ‘Iron Man’ right,’I thought, ‘Why are you telling me about ‘Iron Man’ when there’s a war going on?’

On the plus side he had war pigs nailed.

“everything in moderation, especially moderation”

I like a binge every once in a while and this is nice justification

Wish I could remember what film this was from.

“Got a match?”

“Your breath and a buffalo fart”

Still makes me chuckle.

Frankie Boyle: “Of course there’s a vegetarian option – you can f%$£k off!”

“that guy’s so stupid, he couldn’t pour sh!t out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel”

Recently, don’t know who:

“Fox hunting is a great way of getting rid of vermin – but only if enough of them fall off their horses.”

“…and stop stealing monkeys!”

A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle!

Wayne Winston Norris Aufwiedersehen Pet

The beaten path is for beaten men.

“The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples’ money.”

Margret Thatcher

I’m not scared of dying, I just don’t want to – Robbie Williams, Come Undone

Napoleon Bonaparte could turn a phrase.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Ability is nothing without opportunity.

In politics stupidity is not a handicap.

Impossible is a word to be found only in the dictionary of fools.

etc etc

if you’re going through hell, keep going

25 years ago my wife said, “As long as your happy i’m happy”
Had to remind her of it again this morning.

‘…for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle’

Sir Winston again

“This Monty Python. Is he ‘one of us’?”

Guess who. She usually gets all the blame.

“Is this a goddamn?” – Beavis (or is it Butthead?)

A one-legged man auditioning for the role of Tarzan

The leg division, Mr Spiggot. You are deficient in it to the tune of one. Your right leg, I like. I like your right leg, it’s a lovely leg for the role. That’s what I said when I saw it come in. I said, “that’s a lovely leg for the role”. I’ve got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is — neither have you. You fall down on your left.

“See, I told you I was ill”

Genius Mr Milligan, genius.

Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.

HG wells

Generally thrown back at anyone criticising whatever appalling behaviour I’ve been indulging in now 😀

Jesus was a black man. No Jesus was Batman No, no, no, no, not at all. That was Bruce Wayne

Shaun Ryder

Ah, the genius of Shaun Ryder….

Son I’m thirty. I only went with your mother cos she’s dirty 😀

Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison you.
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
Lady Astor and Winston Churchill

when the going gets weird the weird turn pro

hunter s again

There is no ‘I’ in team but there is a ‘u’ in C*nt.

Kenny ‘F*cking’ Powers.

“Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.”

“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.”

“Some humans would do anything to see if it was possible to do it. If you put a large switch in some cave somewhere, with a sign on it saying ‘End-of-the-World Switch. PLEASE DO NOT TOUCH’, the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.”

“It’s not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren’t doing it.”

Terry Pratchett (Discworld Books)

Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!

IMO best line in any TV series…

“All that has happened before, will happen again”

“Am I having a stroke or has someone just turned out the lights?”

“The Arc was built by an amateur, the Titanic by professionals”

“Did you have an extra bowl of stupid for breakfast?”

Moderation in all things, including moderation

“The will to win is nothing without the will to prepare”

Juma Ikangaa, Tanzanian Marathon runner.

“It is at the borders of pain and suffering that the men are separated from the boys”

Emil Zatopek, Only man to win the 5000m, 10000m and Marathon at the Olympic games.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?

Epicurus 341 to 270 BCE