Chief Inspector Morse: Isn’t it your round?

Detective Sergeant Lewis: Do you think another one’s a good idea?

Chief Inspector Morse: Think? That’s why I want it – to think. I don’t drink for pleasure!

I often use this as justification.

Do you think I’d have pissed my pants if I was sober ?

I’ve only used it twice

Dennis Skinner
Half the Tory members opposite are crooks.

He was then told to withdraw the remark.

OK, half the Tory members aren’t crooks.

Probably just action film ones, shallow that I am.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.

Listen. Understand. That Terminator is out there. It can’t be reasoned with, it can’t be bargained with. It doesn’t feel pity of remorse or fear and it absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until you are dead.

And some bicycling ones

When my legs hurt, I say: “Shut up legs! Do what I tell you to do!”

And Mark Twain’s
Get a bicycle. You will certainly not regret it, if you live.

Half the Tory members opposite are crooks

Ozzie take:

When Sir Winton Turnbull [who represented a large rural seat] was raving and ranting on the adjournment and shouted: “I am a Country member”. Gough Whitlam interjected “I remember”. He could not understand why, for the first time in all the years he had been speaking in the House, there was instant and loud applause from both sides.

Housework can’t kill you – but why take the chance?

General Melchett: If nothing else works, a total pig-headed unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through.

I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams sea breams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.

I always thought it was a slightly odd fishing tale

A rugby coach being interviwed and sounding qute upbeat when the interviewer pointed out some stats that didn’t really back up what he was saying
“Well I use statistics like a drunk uses a lampost – for support, not for illumination”

“Fascinating” – Spock

You don’t have to be scared to get your ass kicked.

A: “I thought you couldn’t be trapped in boxes?”
B: “that was a metaphor! this is an actual box”

To me trying to report someone fraudulently using a disabled driving badge:-
Them”He may have a disability that is not immediately obvious”
Me “such as?’
Them “he might be blind”

Which film is that from ? I’ve only heard it as part of the Oakenfold Goa essential mix from 1994, which is my favourite 2 hour turbo music…

To try. To fail. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Samuel Beckett.

PS Sorry to raise the tone. 😀

“Yes, Madam, I am drunk, but in the morning I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.”
Churchill

flapjack its blade runner, most of the samples in that mix are from bladerunner- both are excellent

“It is not down on any map; true places never are” ? Herman Melville, Moby-Dick.

So screw you, GPS.

Oakenfold Goa essential mix from 1994

Fugging great mix! – Dead Can Dance’s Sanvean deployed to maximum effect.

My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.

“Religion – Shit it” Stephen Fry

“Life may suck, but the alternative is unacceptable” No idea who said this one

“We are not here in this world to find elegant solutions, pregnant with initiative, or to serve the ways and modes of profitable progress. No, we are here to provide for all those who are weaker and hungrier, more battered and crippled than ourselves. That is our only certain good and great purpose on earth, and if you ask me about those insoluble economic problems that may arise if the top is deprived of their initiative, I would answer ‘To hell with them.’ The top is greedy and mean and will always find a way to take care of themselves. They always do.”

Michael Foot.

Strangely relevant…

Rules are for the guidance of wise men and the obedience of fools.

I like that one, not so sure my boss does.

Probably has more teeth than brain cells

Strangely relevant…

Indeed, ICU grand-wallah. Immediately relevant.

Probably has more teeth than brain cells

What you sayin’? 😈

Passion turns to poison quick as larger turns to pi!ss

John Cooper Clarke

“Spent half my money on fast cars and loose women. The other half, I just wasted…”. The incomparable George Best

‘All generalisations are dangerous, especially this one.’ Mark Twain

“Does the body rule the mind or does the mind rule the body? I dunno.”
– Descartes and Mozza.

Watch him over there, he’ll have some ****ers eye out.
King Harold 1066.

“It’s not the winning or even taking part, it’s the arsing about that counts”

Not sure who, but it’s bloody good advice.

Every rose has its thorn

– Poison

The OP will probably know, and if he doesn’t , he won’t be at all surprised:

Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital. Capital is only the fruit of labor, and could never have existed if labor had not first existed. Labor is the superior of capital, and deserves much the higher consideration.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. – Groucho Marx

George Robertson (now Baron Robertson of Port Ellen) “Devolution will kill Nationalism stone dead”

Those are my principles, if you don’t like them – i have others. GM again

One that always makes me chuckle is from the unlikely source that is Henry Blofeld. Years ago when commentating on a game in which New Zealand were playing he had cause to mention their player Stephen Cunis. He then said:

“It’s an odd name, Cunis, neither one thing nor the other”.

“War, war is stupid and people are stupid” – Boy George

Eskimo

Amen, DD.

Economics, said Mr Stanley, is 50% psychology … What we need, apparently, is not statesman but hypnotists, not scientists, but witchdoctors, not confidence born of scientific prediction of the future, but confidence created by a political Confidence Trick.

Aneurin Bevan, possibly contributing to a STW thread via ouija board. 😉

Australian Cricketer ” Gatting – why are you so fat?”

Gatting ” Because every time I screw your wife I eat a biscuit”

In all seriousness, my absolute favourite quote of recent years is from Ozzy Osbourne:

I met Tony Blair a couple of years ago, and he said to me, ‘I was in a band once, and I could never get the riff to ‘Iron Man’ right,’I thought, ‘Why are you telling me about ‘Iron Man’ when there’s a war going on?’

“I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too”

Mitch Hedburg