Home Forums Chat Forum Farting

Viewing 23 posts - 41 through 63 (of 63 total)
  • Farting
  • dannyh
    Free Member

    Just think, every day someone unknowingly does the loudest/longest/smelliest fart in the world for that day.

    Just think how awesome it would be if you could hear all the farts in the world being done – the walls shaking and trees swaying!

    I also think there should be some kind of air additive that turns a distinctive colour when someone drops their guts – it’d flush out all those hypocrites who lift a cheek, then condemn others.

    Gunz
    Free Member

    I like doing danger farts at work. Walk down a corridor or stair well, check the cost is clear and then fart as loudly as possible, hoping someone doesn’t suddenly come round the corner.

    tomhoward
    Full Member

    Our office is perfect for that. It has 4 corridors, all broken up with a ridiculous number of fire doors, meaning loads of containment areas. When walking from one end to the other, the question rolling round ones mind is ‘do I pick a compartment to unleash the fury into, or spread it out over all of them?’ Both are equally satisfying.

    jekkyl
    Full Member

    How were/are farts celebrated in your family as kids/adults with your siblings/partner?
    Me and my brother used to waft it to each other saying ‘smell the beauty’ 😀 – something which I now occasionally do to the wife in the car.

    funkmasterp
    Full Member

    I had what I think was a bit of food poisoning about three weeks ago. Sat on the throne in the middle of the night and let a truly monstrous fart loose. Our bathroom is next to our neighbour’s baby’s room. The kid woke up and started crying. Never have I felt such pride and shame in equal measure.

    matt_outandabout
    Free Member

    Pull my finger…. 😆

    bearnecessities
    Full Member

    Just think how awesome it would be if you could hear all the farts in the world being done – the walls shaking and trees swaying!

    There is a theory that if everyone in the world farted at the same time, the world would be knocked off its axis.

    Is there a more awesome factoid than that?

    wilko1999
    Free Member

    My Nan used to reckon that if you farted and burped at the same time with enough force you’d do a backflip

    sargey
    Full Member

    @wilco did she ever do it? 🙂

    Pyro
    Full Member

    I was working on an ultramarathon event a couple of years back, driving the sweep/pickup minibus, bailing injured or retiring runners out to the finish. Things got pretty hectic overnight, and myself and my co-driver didn’t get a chance to stop and get a proper meal, so we had to make do with whatever was available at the feed stations. Unfortunately what they had was mainly crap, nasty sandwiches and sweets – chocolate raisins and jellybeans mostly. Needless to say, a long day and night of living on that and coffee wasn’t doing my digestive system any favours.

    We did a dropoff run to the finish, the RNR spot near the Baltic in Gateshead, and I nipped off to the bogs to deal with, shall we say, a certain amount of intestinal pressure. Wandered into the traps hoping no-one else was around, and launched into a mind boggling sequence of postern blasts – long, short, high, low and everything in between. I heard someone walk in the door and take up a cubicle along from me and tried to hold a bit back until they’d gone, but it was no good. Trump after trump after trump; me, red-faced but silently giggling in my stall. Finally it ended, and the next thing I hear is a round of applause from the other end of the john. The only response I could muster through the laughter was “Thank you, but i came in for a s**t, not the Warsaw **** Concerto”…

    Merak
    Free Member

    I’m a prolific flatulator, indeed I take great pride in the audible splendor and the stomach churning stench, however I am appalled if my SO let’s one go. In 7 years I’ve heard her squeeze the cheese no more than 5 times it’s disgusting.

    thegreatape
    Free Member

    I have had to stop farting at home because we are having to tell our nine year old that he has to stop farting in class. This came after parents evening when his teacher asked if he had a medical problem, because he was upsetting other children by doing horrible farts then sitting there grinning like a Cheshire cat. His mother was most indignant when I said she had been setting a bad example.

    Luckily in my office everyone enjoys farting. I try to creep up to other people and do it close to their desk. Especially when they’re on the phone. I locked Liam in the radio cupboard on Monday with only a grim cloud of green for company.

    Liam is particularly quick to go bright red at not much, particularly when we were stood in the atrium at Keighley Magistrates Court last month, when he was in full view of court staff, lawyers, policemen and criminals and I sounded the charge while hidden from view in a very echoey alcove 🙂

    cheekyget
    Free Member

    I had beans on toast for lunch today….I can’t stop farting now…the wife is well pissed…as she says I push them out??….who doesn’t ??

    thegreatape
    Free Member

    Me for one, as I get older, I find they creep out without any effort on my part. When I get out of my chair usually, or bed.

    slimjim78
    Free Member

    I often wonder how long it would last if you could fart out your actual entire lifetimes supply of farts, in one long continuous mega fart.

    Imagine the sheer joy. Every fart you’ve ever done, and ever will do… A fartathon to end them all

    CountZero
    Full Member

    Interesting fact: the human rectum is equipped with nerves that allow the brain to know the difference between solid, liquid and gaseous contents.

    Usually. 😳

    My dog farting is NOT funny.

    Being anywhere in the close proximity of a dog farting isn’t funny!

    Dekerf
    Free Member

    If you think that dogs farts are evil you should spend some time with my cat…. when she lets go its rotten, proper rotten!!!

    CaptainSlow
    Free Member

    One of the best things about working from home is being able to fart with reckless abandon.

    It is worth remembering two things
    1. When farting in a call, use the mute button
    2. When going to the office, do up your flies and don’t fart with reckless abandon

    bigyinn
    Free Member

    Farts are like children, you love your own, but anyone else’s are awful.

    scud
    Free Member

    Every time i tickle my 6 year old daughter she lets rip, she shouted out at the top of her voice in a cafe the other day “daddy, you know my tickle circuit is connected to my trumping circuit”!! Old lady at the next table said “..me too.”

    bigyinn
    Free Member

    If you give her a biscuit she might let you…

    johndoh
    Free Member

    This morning my two daughters decided to tickle me and I couldn’t get them to stop their game until I laughed so much I let out a huge fart – then they scattered like I was a skunk with my defence mechanism.

    🙂

    sparkyrhino
    Full Member

    I can confirm that even Nuns find it very funny(well the Irish ones,more research required)

Viewing 23 posts - 41 through 63 (of 63 total)

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