Fantasy Expenses Claims

To do my job properly, it is essential that someone else should pay for the following items for me:

Heart-shaped 4-poster waterbed:

Taxidermy hedgehog cufflink holder:

A bidet in the art deco style:

and a new hutch, for my ceremonial otter:

What are you claiming for?? 🙂

My lemur needs a new nut cracker. I shall have to put out a job advert as soon as possible.

I can’t get though the day without ocelot spleens

My accountant has phoned me up to today and queried my claim to “get a life”

I really do need that hedgehog! Brilliant!

To be honest, I am unable to properly do my job without a flying hovercraft.

I think that I should be able to reclaim the tax on buying a ridiculously big orange bike. Oh…

To be honest, I am unable to properly do my job without a flying hovercraft.

All hovercrafts fly – you don’t need a special one so…… claim refused

😀

On a normal day, I have to go home to walk the dog at lunchtimes. I will therefore be claiming for a Bowler Nemesis to allow me to get to and from home in a shorter time.

Further efficiencies will be obtained by going cross country (as the crow flies), saving both time and fuel compared to the tortuous roundabout at the end of the road.

I need a gold-plated bicycle to get to work because my workplace doesn’t have a very weather-resistant bike shed and normal bikes rust.

A girl can dream….

the red cross is a gin & tonic.

Gin, cheese and Brad. I like it. You can borrow my heart-shaped waterbed if you like?

How kind. I might have to put in an additional claim for some better sheets though, I’m not sure about those red ones.

Those sheets do look a bit ‘Rayon’. Some people like using electrical devices in the bedroom but I’m not sure friction induced static discharges are quite the same (though a violet wand isn’t too different I suppose).

The stuffed hedgehog cuff-link holder is either a) the work of unparalleled genius, or b) an unpleasant insight into a truly disturbed mind…I honestly can’t decide

that hedgehog is quite disturbing as it looks like the branch at the bottom is supposed to be its legs.

The stuffed hedgehog cuff-link holder is either a) the work of unparalleled genius, or b) an unpleasant insight into a truly disturbed mind…I honestly can’t decide

Seconded. Truly inspired and I fear that any suggestion I bring to the table could not outdo such brilliance so I shall just sit here, with my feet dipped in the water of its supremacy.

Nick, google “rogue taxidermy” if you have nothing better to do. Truly disturbing.

In the meantime. I think, as befits my status, I need a new car, this ought to do…

Think you may be the third person claiming on the heart shaped water bed.
It was previously claimed for by John Major and Edwina Curry

Note to self, never follow BD suggestions for google searches…

The Minnesota Society for Rogue Taxidermy…Why am I not surprised?

Eye-candy;
to help motivate me in the office

my moat needs cleaning
..and i could do with a new castle to put it round

also, the garden round the helipad needs sprucing up a bit, and the helipad will look better once there’s a new helipcopter on it – an apache would be nice, but i don’t want to seem greedy and self-serving

do you think I could put in a claim for my caravan..

one does need to get away on the weekends.

Disturbing taxidermy could be a thread all to itself.

For my expenses claim I’d like a Wall of Ham. It must contain at least 50% Parma and Jamon Iberico, I’m not being fobbed off with any of that cheap rubbish.

Why the hell would you need a wall of ham? I mean, it would be nice, but what? Why? How even?

Nice caravan grynch… But I think you’d be stoned by the caravan club if you turned up at a meet with that. Best claim for some security too.

Just realised that I need to claim for a new mobile. I think this one should do. It’s not _that_ showy.

A new tea lady or two

thanks for the tip willard.. I’m still looking for something to tow that puppy.
( you should see the inside of it btw…
http://www.olddominionluxuryliner.com/ )

re. the taxidermy.. I walked into a shop in NovaScotia once and there was a German Shepard by the door.. standing reallllllllllllllllly still.

Sorry – the hedgehog still has it…

i must admit.. I do have trouble sometimes finding my cufflinks.

It would be better if it were a talking stuffed hedgehog cuff-link holder.

“Where are my cuff links”

“I’ve got them…” (in a strange quasi mechanical hedgehoggy voice, obviously)

“I’ve got them”

“I’ve got them what?”

“I’ve got them Master“

🙂

Am regretting ever searching for bizarre taxidermy:

OH MY GOD… 😯

“Well of course I’ve got them. I’m a cufflink holder, you cretinous dunce!”

I’m traumatised by that horse one 🙁

If that’s the hedgehog’s legs, what are the 2 ‘extra’ bits in the middle?

IGMC…

The stuff of nightmares indeed. And so much better than photoshop!

We used to visit the Hancock Museum in Newcastle when I was small. There was an incredible piece of work there, of some sort of raptor killing a heron that had caught an eel. It was absolutely remarkable. I think I quite like taxidermy. 🙂

A squirel decanter anyone??

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