• splashback and splatter – go for a piss in a urinal in light coloured chinos, examine chinos afterwards and report back with your findings.
Aim at the right bit of the urinal, however I too believe there's an inherent design flaw in all urinals which I'm currently addressing. Reduce flow speed and you'll reduce spatter. Or is that welding?
• aim – I'd rather not accidentally piss on my own loo seat as I'm the one that has to clean it. Yes it's not a difficult target but I'm sure we've all experienced the unexpected perpendicular pee, the surprise side stream or the unplanned dribble.
A little careful preparation is all that's needed, the same can happen when sat, leading to unknown wetting of trousers when it escapes under the seat. This is worse.
• shaking – so you basically just shake piss all over yourself. Nice. I'll use a bit of paper ta.
I'm starting to get the feeling you really lack coordination.
• comfort – I'd rather sit down and take the chance to check my email.
Phone out while mid-loo use, hygienic.