Depressing post – need help, alcohol content.

Without getting all mumsnet about it, I fear I may need help. I drink a lot. Usual intake is a bottle of wine a night followed by a few nips of good whisky.

Recently though, I’ve had to resort to shit whisky as money is tight.

Needless to say, I’m posting under a pseudonym. My partner is pregnant and I feel like I should sort myself out for her sake, if not to save my own liver…

Yes, I should totally MTFU and just not get in the car at 10 o’ clock to buy the night’s bottle. But I do, and I’d rather not. The usual advice seems to be to approach the AA, but I really do feel that I’ve slipped into a bad habit, rather than actually needing to seek God.

Any links very much appreciated.

Hmm. I was in a similar situation about 5 years ago, except no pregnant wife and drinking cheap cider cos money was even tighter. Me and the missus eventually split up over it.
Changing jobs sorted me out. Went from utterly skint (~£35 a month after bills… ) to having a more mental-health-friendly chunk of disposable income, more interesting career with excellent prospects, took up MTB and became a much more rounded individual. I also stopped drinking quite so much, cos now I could afford to I didn’t feel the need to. Ended up back with the missus and all is currently well with the world.
Maybe career change isn’t right for you, but a change in situation of some sort is what I’d recommend.
Good luck.

Thanks for that. I do a job that I love, but it doen’t bring in a huge amount of money by STW standards – perhaps 20 grand a year.

That needs to double by this time next year, and spending £40 a week on booze is obviously a bad plan.

I ride a lot – usually to punish myself – the thinking is that if I tire myself out, I might not need to get pissed as a little beetle to have a decent night’s sleep, and ergo, get up at a decent time in the morning. But I still stay awake ’til 3 in the morning and wake up at 11 with a head full of guilt, necessitating an 11pm finish.

In no particular order. Ask GP about Naltrexone. See a shrink. Have a liver function test to scare yourself.

bwaarp – can you expand? Has someone you know tried it?

…while in those lacking the gene variant, naltrexone appeared to be no different from placebo

That doesn’t sound good.

That’s why I said see a GP, as usual some drugs work for some and not for others. I’m afraid I only know a little about it’s biochemical properties and have exactly **** all clinical experience with it as a doctor would.

On the topic of the shrink, see a psychologist that specializes in dealing with these issues. All the jokes about shrinks being fake doctors aside, they can actually be pretty useful. Everyone should see one on occasion (even hard man SAS types do)…. think of it as an MOT for your brain. They help you develop awareness of your situation. Seeing one will also help you feel as if you are doing something to fight any addiction, this will boost your morale instantly.

On the liver function test, yours may be abnormal. Your GP will explain your results to you if you ask nicely and if they are dodgy it may or may not scare the shit out of you as your doctor will be able to estimate the damage you have done to your liver (if any).

Hope things work out. Get some sun, get one of those natural light lamps (there’s a reason nords drink more than the Irish), exercise, eat healthily, tidy up your house, generally do things so you don’t wind up getting depressed/bored and passing your time by drinking. ASK YOUR PARTNER to support you, as in discouraging you from drinking and offering emotional support. Realise it happens to the best of us and don’t beat yourself up about this, you’ll probably drink more if your self-esteem plummets.

That’s about the best advice I can offer, I’m sure others on here and health professionals could have a much better more educated input.

Anyway, hope I helped. Try not to get down 🙂

Don’t listen to the arseholes who will come on here later and tell you to MTFU. They are jerks with little ability to actually empathize with people going through a rough patch, even the ones that get offended when I call people “window lickers”.

Not had any direct experience of this myself, but in situations where I felt things were spiraling out of control it didn’t half make a huge difference to talk about it/get help.

Number one point of contact, and almost feels like the biggest saviour in my life, was to talk to the missus. I had always done the bloke thing (no talk problem with anyone), and it feels amazing to share and get the issue out.

Muber 2 was then to speak to a relevant person. Not GP, unless you ahve a good one, but someone qualified in the given area.

Just getting it out there and sharing is a massive step. You are 1/2 way to first step by at least raising it on here, so you clearly want to do somthing about it.

Kev

OP you’ve not mentioned how hard you’ve tried to stop or ease off…?

I’m not saying that’s easy, but it’s where most start?

Otherwise, I an on expert but talking to your Mrs and seeking help seems reasonable.

Starting from today set yourself a target of three clear days a week . That is less than 50 % of the week without drink . You will manage it . You will feel better .

There may well be an issue behind why you are drinking , fear worry stresss etc possibly imminent fatherhood or the extra bond that creates with your partner . This is all normal . Talking to her or a friend or a counselor may well help .

Asking for advice on here shows you realise you have an issue and are willing to do something about it . That is a positive start and one you should be proud of .

Well done to you for admitting to yourself that it’s a problem you need help with.

Alcoholism affects a massive, hidden proportion of people from all walks of life. The AA, combined with other treatments work/is working brilliantly for my sister; I though she was going to die, now she’s back living life the full. To be clear: her alcoholism was a symptom of an underlying problem. Then, of course, it became the cause of whole load more symptoms. Have an open mind about help. But start by talking to your GP because they can refer you to specialist help.

Very best of luck to you. And keep riding your bike!

Sorry to hear you are having problems.

I would add a note of caution to the the “stop drinking now” advice. Alcohol withdrawal can be very nasty for some people, and you might need help with it. You body has been used to this, not just the alcohol but also the sugar and nutrients in it. Approach it in a planned and educated manner, with support.

And well done, you have made a start on getting better. And you will get better !

Sounds more like a habit than a dependency – I was in a similar situation until quite recently. Try making a cup of tea as soon as you get in, then have a pint of water instead of popping a cork. I found that if I have a beer when I got home, it would quickly be followed by another, and another…I was able to break the habit by drinking something else. I now sleep better and weigh less. Hope this helps.

I’m with Raindog. I enjoy a beer or two but found myself having one or two every night. To me it was a problem so I drink tea when I get home or go running instead. Worst bit is – I part own a fckn brewery so am expected to do quality control !!!

You have done the first big step by admitting you drink too much, and you are doing the right thing by addressing it before baby comes along, as this will add a lot more pressures which could be the breaking point for you.

I’m no expert, but certainly see your GP. There are good ones and bad ones, but you have to hope that they can help you ie point you in the right direction.

I know you don’t think you have a bad enough drink problem to go to AA, but the fact that you know you are struggling with drink means that you need help to cut down. You don’t have to go and sit down in a room full of people and say “I’m an alcoholic” just give them a call and see if they can help ?

The only other thing I would say from general life experience is that YOU have to want to give up the habit for YOU ie whether its booze, fags, or drugs.

Good luck with it!

OP if your local to me Manchesterish drop me an email markhoracekuk AT yahoo.com I went through something similar.

Sounds more like a habit than a dependency

This. Although it’s hard to make a judgement on a couple of posts.

Why not make a general healthcheck appointment with your GP? Will give the chance to discuss your intake in a non-judgemental way.

It’s hard to know the best way to ease back your drinking, it’s a personal thing based on personal triggers. Personally I’d try a double pronged approach of a bike-related reward with the money saved from not drinking – perhaps some decent lights so I could head out a couple of times a week instead of sitting around being tempted?

I was pretty similar to you as I enjoyed a drink in the evenings and I thought there wasn’t a problem, until I realised it was every evening and a couple of afternoons too. I stopped drinking and spent three months without a drop.
You’ve made the first step by thinking about it and talking about it, but that’s only the start. Strange as it may seem have a read of Allan Carr’s The Only Way, I know it’s about smoking but it is also about addictions and understanding addictions. I was brought up with an alcoholic father and lived in a heavy drinking culture.
For me the root of the problems was much deeper family problems and I have to address these before everything can get back to normal, so go and talk to someone about the root of your problems.
I used to think that you had to want to give up too, but having read the Allan Carr book I’ve changed my opinion on this, with the power of understanding and gentle persuasion you can begin the book not wanting to give up, but by the time you finish it you’ll be in a better position (It might take more than one read to achieve your objective).
You’re not alone and be assured that with the right help you’ll get straight.
Good luck.

Some really lovely advice in here. I don’t have much to add, but as a bird I’d get you to consider the imminent future – the baby you have on the way is a great opportunity to change habits and break out of the cycle. I could be wrong but I reckon it’ll be quite hard to function as a dad if you sleep from 3am til 11am. I realise it’s easier said than done though.

Good luck :hug:

I’ve nothing to add to the above but all the best fella, the birth of your child will be a huge turning point.

It was for me.

Congratulations on posting this

I don’t think you’ve just fallen into a bad habit here – heavy, routine drinking, at home, alone and due to/despite feeling guilty. It’s interfering with your work too, if starting and finishing late on a regular basis

You need to cut down and maybe stop (not instantly, as someone has said if you’re a big drinker) but you need help with this as you’ve tried to stop on your own from what you’ve said above. People are better at stopping smoking drinking etc with an infrastructure supporting them (in addition to or instead of whatever drugs you may be offered)

You used the word “depressing” in yr OP – you may have a bit of that going on too (and it can be either a cause or result of the drinking) – your personal circumstances are changing and I suppose you’re reacting to that. You can find self-assessment tools for depression on the internet, but GET SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP. AA is not an admission of defeat, and there are lots of other groups around too.

See yr GP

please

Best of luck with it

Someone I know closely has just been through this.. after 15 years of heavy drinking (and I mean 2 bottles of wine and a few cans + the hidden vodka every single day). She finally went to the GP. Liver test showed shocking results and with the help of anti anxiety pills from the doc and regular advice from a drug/alcohol councillor she has been completely t-total for three months now.

The transformation is unbelievable.

The services offered by the GP were excellent.

As mentioned by others it sounds like a habit that you need to break rather than a full blown addiction.

Do you find you like to have a routine to your life?

From what your saying this come across more as bad habits than dependancy.

Why not try tackling things proactivly. You say you ride a lot to punish yourself and that get up around 11a.m.
As of next week start geting up early and riding in the morning instead. It won’t be a massive change of lifestyle, more your sleep pattern. If your getting up at say 6:00a.m. and going out for a two hour spin then coming back to breakfast / shower being fit to tackle the world by 9:00a.m.
It sounds stupid but if you can get yourself into this routine you’ll be feeling healthy, you’ll be more tired at night and going to bed earlier and sleeping better.
You won’t have time to drink into the early hours or the inclination if you know your up early riding.

I use to be up 4 times a week at 5.30a.m. last year. I loved it, you really do have the world to yourself at that time. As the mornings get lighter it’ll get easier and easier. I loved it last year, I use to ride through Lyme park everytime at 5:45a.m. and literally ride through a pack of 40 deer / stags thats always use to congrigate at the same spot. I really miss the early mornings, unfortunately the OH has changed her shift pattern so I don;t get the oppurtunity anymore 🙁

Good luck and be positive

There’s no hard distinction between a habit and an addiction. They are different stations on the same line.

If you’ve tried will power to cut down or stop and failed then most likely, you need to hit a personal rock-bottom in order to break it. Rock bottom means different things to different people. In the best case, admitting to yourself that you have a problem might be sufficient. An intervention from a friend or family member can provide you sufficient reason. A liver function test with your doctor is another. For some people it takes much more – waking up in prison cell or being told by a doctor that your next drink may kill you. If you fail to break the cycle after hitting a low then you will need to hit a lower low to break it next time. Important is that you have the drive to make a change and believe that you can do it.

I would really recommend reading Allan Carr’s Easy Way to Control Alcohol. You can get it from Amazon as an E-book so you can have it discretely and instantly. There’s a certain amount of snake oil involved but some of the concepts are really infectious.

You have to change your mindset. See all the things that your drinking is stopping you doing and enjoying. Ask yourself what drinking really does for you.

You say you ride a lot to punish yourself

Do you feel you need to be punished? Is that something which needs addressing first? (Or am I misreading too much into that?)

From a practical point of view, it will help to try to form a routine that fills the time when you would have been drinking. When you look at the amount of time drinking fills, you realise you need to do something else to fill that time, or boredom can be a problem. Its a big boost over willpower alone.
One good option is to force yourself into a new exercise routine: gym, swimming, or running three times a week in the evenings. Running’s cheapest, but its hard to stretch the activity out for longer sessions particularlly at the start. Use the drinking money to fund a swimming session, or if you’re not confident- committing to lessons is a good option.
Another thing to look into is a weekly prenatal class/session with the wife. You’ll spend more time together, it’ll be well worth it for all 3 of you. There’ll come a point soon(ish) when you’ll need to be ready to drive her to the hospital at short notice. Aim to be ready.
Another night, how about taking the wife out on a “date” to the cinema, the cheap midweek specials shouldn’t cost more than you used to spend, and all the time you do these sort of things, you’ll appreciate it in the longer run. A little one will make “date” nights need a bit more organisation. Do it while its easy. If these don’t appeal, aim to fill some time with things you used to enjoy personally.
Most of all good luck, and use the help available.

As above that sounds more like a habit than dependency, try and give yourself 3 nights clear of alcohol and see how you feel, You may suffer a sugar craving I’d recommend lime cordial and soda water this will contain the sugar and give your taste buds the sharp tang you get from wine (I’m presuming you drink white wine).

You will undoubtedly suffer a mild withdrawal which will lead to a little irritability and probably a little broken sleep but that is all it should be and you WILL feel better during the day and you WILL get better sleep after the first night, if you suffer mental or physical symptoms that you can’t cope with then I would seek the help of a GP and get professional guidance.

Best of luck.

Can I suggest that you investigate why it is that you are drinking? That is to say – dealing with the cause, rather than focusing on the effect.

Most behavioural abberations (drinking, drug-taking, over-eating, cutting etc) are as a response to some sort of trauma. This can be an unconcious trauma of which the sufferer is not conciously aware. Something in the past, perhaps.

“There’s no hard distinction between a habit and an addiction. They are different stations on the same line.”

Exactly this. There are loads of people who would say they don’t have an addiction to alcohol, but ask them to stop tomorrow for 2 months and they would struggle to do it.

Because they are middle class and in control of other aspects of their life they couldnt possibly have an addiction problem 🙄

To be an alcoholic you dont have to be on the street drinking special brew out of a paper bag at 9am

Can I suggest that you investigate why it is that you are drinking? That is to say – dealing with the cause, rather than focusing on the effect.

Most behavioural abberations (drinking, drug-taking, over-eating, cutting etc) are as a response to some sort of trauma. This can be an unconcious trauma of which the sufferer is not conciously aware. Something in the past, perhaps.

Whilst you are not wrong, some people do drink because they like it’s the effect rather than trying to mask a problem.

Have a liver function test to scare yourself.

That works ^ walked out of the doctors and that was it, ive not had a beer since Fred and wilmas wedding (or so it feels)
And I feel much better for it,

Listen, the fact that you’re self admittedly ‘having to resort’ to cheap whiskey speaks volumes. see your GP, and try and get some professional help sooner, rather than later. I went to my nieces funeral on Monday – she was 34, and had managed to drink herself to death in six months. I know this is an extreme example, but extreme or not, she’s still dead, and my sister will never get over it. Fair enough, ask for advice on here, but please, get some help from the professionals.

“There’s no hard distinction between a habit and an addiction. They are different stations on the same line.”

Surely the differnet stations makes a distinction? Anyway… better to get off the train at habit, it’s a shorter walk back to normality.

some people do drink because they like it’s the effect rather than trying to mask a problem.

Very true.

Do you ride with anyone (or mainly alone) are you able to speak with anyone, face-to-face?

Often for blokes a simple discussion while doing something totally unrelated helps.

I was drinking a lot up until xmas though I had cut it back by that point. Beforehand I’d easily do 3-4 bottles of wine per week. Maybe half a dozen (strong) beers on Friday/ Saturday. Several big whiskies over the course of the week. Easily drinking 6 out of 7 nights. Never felt drunk which probably just indicates the tolerance I was building up.

It was pure habit borne out of boredom. Sitting around the house with nothing better to do. I wouldn’t say there was a noticeable physical dependency but it was very easy to just crack open a bottle without even thinking about it.

Since new year, I intentionally went six weeks without touching a drop. I’ve drank a couple of times since then and to be honest, I really haven’t enjoyed it. I found it really easy to break the cycle by making sure my time has been filled with loads of activities. Any time spent in the house is now usually spent preparing for the gym/ training/ cycling etc and I don’t have that boredom anymore.

Try to break the cycle you’re in. If you drink at home, get out the house. Go for a walk, to the gym, to a coffee shop. Get your mind off it and you should hopefully find a solution.

You should have a local drug and alcohol advisory service,usually NHS run,they usually have an anonymous service if you need it,and are not judgemental.They can refer you on to more specialist help if you need it,and if you think you have a problem,then you do.If you want to stop drinking on your own then don’t stop abruptly,a tapered reduction is far safer.Work out realistically how much you drink,then try to reduce it by half daily until you can stop.This won’t be easy,but it’s worth it,but remember that it may take several tries to stop completely,just like smoking,but everyday without alcohol will be helping your body and mind to recover.It’s always easier with support,from both partner and professionals,if you ahve a good relationship with your GP they are worth trying too.
Ian

That needs to double by this time next year

Why is that? Because of the expected child? If money worries are part of your stresses leading you to alcohol then rest assured it is quite easy to get by on £20k a year – you will find you may be eligible to Government help in the form of child tax credits and you will get child benefit.

And resist the temptation to buy everything new – get on your local Freecycle – baby stuff is often listed. Then you have Ebay and local sales (NCT always put on great nearly new sales).

If that all helps to take away one stress then it might just help.

Whilst you are not wrong, some people do drink because they like it’s the effect rather than trying to mask a problem.

I’d agree in part, but when the OP has gone from drinking a bottle of wine plus some whisky chasers to wine plus cheap whisky, I’d say he/she’s not doing it for the subtle and enjoyable flavours. If he/she’s drinking to get drunk, and I don’t really care if they’re using Buckfast or Bollinger then that’s not drinking for enjoyment.

Don’t completely dismiss the AA out of hand. Have a look on their website and find out where and when your local meetings are being held and maybe go along to one or two and see what you think.

The god thing used to do my head in, but one person there said that if you weren’t religious to think of god as being short for “Good Orderly Direction”.

I didn’t complete all of my 12 steps, but I did find the first 4 steps quite eye-opening and what I learned at the meetings combined with other therapies did help me understand what my problems were and how I could go about trying to solve them.

Good luck!