Death anxiety coping strategies

“Meditating on your mortality is only depressing if you miss the point. It is in fact a tool to create priority and meaning”

Exactly this. Thank you bensales and Memento Mori.

Radical acceptance.

“Radical acceptance, a skill or practice often used in a form of talk therapy called dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), is a helpful way to manage painful or otherwise undesirable situations or emotions outside of our control.

The idea is that when we acknowledge and accept the circumstances dealt to us at any given time—without rejecting, disconnecting from or fighting any of the emotions or thoughts that crop up as a result—we can better weather challenging situations.”

It sounds like your coping strategies are probably amplifying the thoughts, try not to think of the colour red and it is going to jump straight into your head. Suppressing thoughts by any mechanism means they’re just coming back louder for me. Getting counselling seems a great idea and the best way forward, but in the short term have you tried questioning the thoughts to see where they lead and see if it quietens them down any quicker?

One technique I heard recently that stopped a very repetitive thought cycle for me was “why am I having this thought?” followed by “Is it helpful?”, the first part let the thought air and the second part really quietened it down for a while

A journal beside your bed when you wake up might get the thought clear and out where trying to think around it will likely just get it angrier and more shouty at not being properly heard out.

Definitely get help from a professional. I have suffered from severe anxiety for a lot of my life and have spent the last few years working on managing my worries. I can assure you that it is possible to overcome your anxieties, though it does take time

You can skip the GP and self refer here: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service?mc_cid=f51babeea8&mc_eid=UNIQID

I’ve said before on other threads, if you don’t get on with the therapy/therapist, don’t give up on all therapy. It took me three rounds before I found one that I really connected with and found more helpful. I don’t have the same phobia as you (and given how it’s controlling your life, your fear probably meets the criteria of phobia) but phobias are anxiety disorders. I’ve definitely found mine waxes and wanes with other life issues – and lack of HRT. The first rounds of therapy didn’t cure it, but they did give me some insight into my phobia (vomit) and in understanding the specifics of it I found some control and comfort, and so it doesn’t control my life in as many ways as before. It was unhelpful in the beginning – it was really tough to talk about the thing you fear the most, but working through the process it did help in the end.

You asked for a tool to help you in the moment of panic. I find the 54321 grounding technique quite useful: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/april-2018/5-4-3-2-1-coping-technique-for-anxiety.aspx

And what you describe sounds somewhat like rumination or intrusive thoughts. A technique you might try is to write them down when they occur, but then try to distract yourself and move on. Then, set aside a specific 20 minutes to look at your worry list – in the cold light of your 20 min, you may be able to see how ‘real’ the worries are and gradually teach yourself to think ‘I was worrying about that last night, but it didn’t happen, so I could try and trust in future that my fears will pass’.

My other halfs the same.  Constant worry. Always if i die what about xyz. And some of its nuts, some slighly sensible like bank accounts etc.

You made any provisions should you shuffle if this mortal coil?

Im convinced C is worried cos there will be something she forgot or i will make a mess of!

Im worry over little things more,  for some reason.

You may find the solution is swapping brains with me? As to me it seems like an excellent idea if only I were brave enough!

I think we’d both rather be rid of our respective issues than just swapping. I think you’ll find you’re braver not doing it than the opposite. Right now I’d say you’re walking on burning hot coals constantly, you’re making a choice to keep on trying and to me and probably a lot of other people that’s ridiculously brave.

I feel your pain @GolfChick, went through something similar after losing my best mate in Iraq. Was lucky to have access to the field mental health team, so got some CBT in theatre & meds which took the edge off, then flown home for some work with a psychologist.

Took a good 18 months of ongoing support and treatment before I was in a  place to be medically fit to do my job and deploy, which was a struggle in itself. Watching your mates and your unit go on operations without you can somewhat complicate the emotional turmoil your are already in!

I would say try everything, you never know what combination or process will work for you, you have nothing to lose by trying, but everything to gain.

Like the Relapsed Mando above, i served in Iraq to, and was at an age (18-19), that i came home and kind of self-medicated in the rave scene, whilst others found comfort in drink, or many ended up not dealing with it all and whilst i did not lose anyone i was close to out there, i then lost two friends once they were home who hadn’t dealt with it.

Don’t ever think that you are being a burden to NHS or to your GP, i now have to read multiple psychological reports a week and interpret them as part of my job, as stated above, phobias are a form of anxiety, and anxiety is something that can and should be treated, and not just “lived with” especially if it is affecting your quality of life, ultimately no point in worrying about death, the worry should be you’re not living a quality of life now because of it.

Can’t say I’ve ever worried about death, but have done plenty of worrying about living. Not that I would want to encourage anyone to mess around with hallucinogens or illegal drugs, but microdosing psilocybin mushrooms (liberty caps) really worked for me. Three months of eating one or two every other day had quite a spectacular effect with all the anxieties, worries and stress about various stuff disappearing over the course of about 8 weeks. I was fine after that for about a year, and if any of the negative stuff comes back I dip back into it for a few weeks and it seems to resolves itself. Tricky thing about this though is finding a supply. Fairly easy if you live somewhere they grow and know what to look for, not so easy if you don’t.

I have had  this since I was a boy and it sometimes gets to a point where I need help

I try to concentrate on how my general health is now, and how I’m generally fitter and leaner than most people my age, and therefore hopefully doing the best I can to help with longevity

I also have to have something to look forward to.

I did have some counselling last year, which focussed on anxiety and lack of control, using positivity and mindfulness to help.

I’m not sure how much the techniques I learned helped, but it was great having someone to offload on. Probably the best thing about it.

I did go through my work health insurance though. My GP wasn’t particularly helpful.

Is the fear about the process of dying being unpleasant, or about the fact of eventually being dead some point in the future?

Seeing my sister die (well I wasn’t physically present for the last couple of days but I mean over the months and years of decline) was not an experience I enjoyed, but I do think I learnt a lot from it and it changed my attitude towards death. Going from understanding that I’ll die in an abstract sense, to viscerally knowing that I really will die in a very concrete manner. Prior to that I’d never had a close friend or relative die, just grandparents which happened at a bit of a distance.

Sorry it’s probably not a helpful comment unless you have a terminally ill relative handy.

i wanted to reply to this thread before but werent sure what to say, so here we go, hope its some help. forgive me if it seems garbled”’

id say that i dont know what death will bring, but running from it wont help anything

there doesnt seem to be much to live for, life just goes on, and hope for ‘progress’ is overrated-the image of death that we possess is something to be observed, not in terms of thought, but observed as and when it appears.

perhaps the image of death we imagine is the same as the image of failing to progress

the thought of dying without loving someone, caring for someone is worse than not being clever/successful, but its so easy to ignore that

In terms of fixing a general but real, and ingrained phobia i think some of the kids psychology is a little lacking in detail of how to achieve this state of stoic contemplation..

I think you live near me, South Cumbria?
If so, your GP will refer you here. Their waiting list isn’t long.

https://www.lscft.nhs.uk/services/accessingmentalhealthsupport/bay

My GP surgery also has a mental health nurse, I had a 30 min appointment the day after contacting them before being speedily referred as above. I felt very supported by them.

Perimenopause can ( did for me) have an impact on anxiety, I first went to my GP at 42.

You are very definitely not alone.

Sympathies to everyone suffering with a mental health struggle especially the OP.

I’m lucky enough to have the opposite problem, I am looking forward to the big sleep – heaven will be not feeling anxious ever again!

My point is that we all have different problems, and they are all valid. Seek help, just doing that will put you closer to being in control of your situation.

Good luck with it, and to paraphrase Isaac Newton – pulling your socks up exerts an equal and opposite force downwards.

Hi GC. As STWH said self refer for NHS talking therapy. Shouldn’t be a long wait. You don’t need to suffer. I found CBT really helped anxiety / unwanted intrusive thoughts. There won’t be a change overnight but you’ll get there. There’s also a really good positive thinking / relaxation app called sorted. https://www.good-thinking.uk/resources/sorted