Dear Singletragonyauntworld

I also do not do asking for help – I think I would actually choke to death if I tried to say the words

That’s an incredibly bad attitude, and you must have a considerably less content life for taking it. No one should struggle through the shit that life throws at us without occasionally asking for help. To do so can only result in a lack of fulfillment.

I wouldn’t say not asking for help is a bad attitude, but sometimes receiving help can be a good thing, benefitting both the helped and the helper. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help….unless you overdo it 😉

LOL at Ernie. I love my life thanks, I love that I can work out ways to help myself and I’m proud of myself for overcoming “the shit that life throws at us” to get to a stage where I am confident and capable.

I did in fact accept some help from the woman the subject of this thread. When my last dog was dying/died I had some humungous vet bills, her fella paid £500 into my bank account, I paid it back within two weeks when the insurance paid out.

Which is why I rarely ask for or accept help – it almost always (in my experience) comes attached to a length of elastic…

EDIT: This thread was a sort of ask for help so perhaps it is something I can do after all 🙂

You just need to be practical about this and say you’re going on holiday and whatever you do don’t feel guilty about it because everyone does it.

No way would I be ruining 12 days leave (or even 2 of them) by putting up with some bullshit about old relationships or whatever. Well, not unless they were a close friend at any rate.

Also, and I might have read this wrong as I’m watching the football but did you say that this is has been going on for 12 years or something? **** that. Some people seem to secretly enjoy being miserable, or at the very least don’t seem to want to make the effort to be any other way. You probably shouldn’t let that kind of attitude have an effect on your life and it sounds like they’re beyond help anyway.

Could be a leg over opportunity… Game on.

I did in fact accept some help from the woman the subject of this thread. When my last dog was dying/died I had some humungous vet bills, her fella paid £500 into my bank account, I paid it back within two weeks when the insurance paid out.

Well there you go.

Everyone occasionally needs a helping hand. There’s really no point in refusing to ask for help out of stubbornness. Giving and receiving help is what humans do 🙂

I’m going to stick to my decision, even though I feel bad. I’m one of those people who try to help everyone… animals, birds, insects, people – everything. I’m learning to curb my altruistic tendencies but I can’t help it, I just rush in to try to save everything and then end up broke, tired and stressed…

note to self: STOP HELPING PEOPLE.

I would be considering why you feel the need to help everyone and everything?
Are you a rescuer who tries to help and fix people?

These sort of problems can need just as much work as your friends problems.

Anyway, hope you can be congruent enough with your friend and that it doesn’t cause any lasting issues 🙂

I have two sets of Lesbians living next door, one set across the road and another further up the street.

How many lesbians are there in each set ?
Maybe it’s one big set with lots of entrances ?
Are you sure you’re not confusing lesbians with badgers ? It’s an easy mistake that anyone could make.

Karinofnine. You’ve done the right thing for you – don’t feel bad. You can only help people if you have energy and they are willing to be helped. You haven’t and need to recharge, she doesn’t and probably won’t.

Now get out and enjoy the bike! 🙂

J.

It sounds like this needs to end much like other bad relationships where one person is far more in to than the other. That is you need to be firm and tell her you don’t want any more contact from her.

If you are woolly about the basics then she will continue to ring, pester and otherwise turn up unannounced at your house.

I have friends (well people who hate me the least) who I would do anything for but they are long standing and have been in my life for 15-20 years.

Random acquaintances who got to know me on holiday would be told in no uncertain terms to do one.

You have 12 days annual leave and if she turns up on day 1 I bet she hangs around for the other 11.

Don’t make wishy washy excuses, maybe next time but I’ve got to ride the dog and wash the bike sort of things. Tell her clearly that you do not want her visiting and whilst she’s on tell her you would really rather she f***ked off altogether (feel free to phrase this as you see fit).

Cheers

Danny B