Cultural thing – help me out

we have a Chinese lady has started with us. Seems pleasant enough, friendly, etc.

I’ve just had an aggressively toned email from her about addressing her properly

It was a minor exchange, along the lines of

Hi X;

Do we have a shipment date for the product yet?

Thanks;

Jon

**

Hi Jon;

Yes, product shipped on the 13th

Rgds;

X

**

Great! And shipment timescale / eta?

J

**

She’s cross because I didn’t say ‘Hi X’ again – Is there a cultural faux-pas that I’ve committed here? I’ve always treated email like a conversation (and yes, in fairness could easily have had this one by phone) and in a spoken conversation i wouldn’t have to address her before each line.

Moot point I guess because she seems pissy about it so i’ll remember to address her properly in future and avoid it anyway, but I like to know stuff.

I’m with you. A chain of emails flows like a conversation. Just explain to her thats how you treat every similar chain and there’s no disrespect intended.

Or invent some ludicrous title for yourself and insist that she refer to you by that title at all times.

Stop calling her X… You damn racist. 😉

Stop calling her X… You damn racist.

We had a uni lecturer who had a moderately unpronounceable name that started with an X. He used get called Professor X and he quite liked it.

Stop emailing her and write a formal letter every time.

(I don’t think it’s cultural tbh, X is just being weird.)

Dear X, Wind your neck in… The proud nail gets hammered flat etc.

Just take the piss for a few days by addressing each email over-formally like a letter, with address, date, salutation and valediction. Should get the message across.

use messenger (or whatever chat function you have) instead of emails?

Communicate only via post-it notes tied to flaming arrows.

addressing each email over-formally like a letter, with address, date, salutation and valediction.

This is the British solution.

Never mention her email.

Of course danger is you’ll be accused of racism or cultural insensitivity for misunderstanding/overreacting to her request but that’s not stw’s problem 😉

Why don’t you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?

Novel idea I know…

Why don’t you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?

I have a deep distrust of Chinese people. For millennia, they struggled with chop sticks… Fair enough, they thought they’d cracked it but, bless ’em, they persevered even though they’re sh*te.

Then, us Westerners came along with those new-fangle-dangle knives, forks and spoons, CLEARLY better tools for the job, but the stubborn b******s flatly refuse to switch!

It’s just sheer bloody-mindedness!

[/I’m not racist but mode]

I’d just email her a link to this thread.

Why don’t you try talking to her and ask her what she felt the issue was and how she prefer to be addressed in the future?

No need. She sent me a pissy email outlining it and asking to remember to address her by name in future. Which is OK, I’m interested in whether she’s just pissy or whether it’s actually a cultural thing.

actual text from her response: “Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name”

use messenger (or whatever chat function you have) instead of emails?

Hahahaha…… there are people in our IT dept still using abacuses (abacii?) – the idea of a messenger service!!

An email to HR complaining about her cultural insensitivity demanding that she be referred to by name at the start of each and every email in a conversation and her aggressive attitude.

That’ll learn her.

I’m interested in whether she’s just pissy or whether it’s actually a cultural thing.

If you used as form of address that revealed emotion – for example, talking – you’d know.

Can you copy/paste her message? For the shits and gigs, like.

ah nvm just see above, that was anti-climatic.

theotherjonv – Member

actual text from her response: “Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name”

So she wants you to be more formal in how you address her in e-mails, but then uses “btw”…..?
Just comes across as a bit of a moron……I doubt it’s anything cultural.

theotherjonv – Member
actual text from her response: “Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name”

Well now you have to reply saying,

“Was this meant for someone else? My name is Barry*, not Btw”

*substitute for your own name, or don’t for extra confusion.

Sounds like an item for your next dept meeting entitled ‘departmental communication protocol’ or something similarly pretentious. A broad ranging chat about how you all communicate, what needs recording and whats gash the moment its read, about how unnecessary email can be cut out (being cc’ed into every to and fro of a conversation where I only need a summary of the decision and action taken at the end is my pet hate) and how informal chats over email are like written quick comms and after the first in a thread the others don’t need top and tailing for the sake of time and brevity.

If she still has a problem with that it can be explained that culturally (I’m talking within your team, not anything broader) that’s how it is and it’s nothing personal. That if she does not like it she is free to look elsewhere for employment to find somewhere that she is a better fit.

I mean if you want to be REALLY awkward you’ll go over and ask her face to face if there is an issue or how she would like to be addressed.

I mean if you want to be REALLY awkward you’ll go over and ask her face to face if there is an issue or how she would like to be addressed.

If you do, don’t look her in the eye or turn your back on her…

Oh hang on, that might be queens, not Chineses…

If you used as form of address that revealed emotion – for example, talking – you’d know

Or, I could ask a broad ranging group of people, some of whom may even be chinese for all i know, but many of whom deal with China regularly. Then i can find out without putting her into an embarrassing situation in case it is just her being pissy.

But you’re right, verbal is always better, face to face better still (but given we’re in different offices not practical). I’ll give her a call. Is this OK?

Dear X,

I’m very sad that you seem to be upset because i didn’t address you by name in my recent email. The thing is, I view email as a written conversation, not a series of formal letters and hence treat follow up emails as follow ons from the original – I ask, you reply, I reply to that, and so on. I have not had anyone take issue with that including your colleagues, Y and Z. So now i am concerned and seeking clarification – have I been unwittingly offending them as well, but they have been too polite to complain about it? Or is it in fact no issue at all, and you’re just being pissy?

Firstly, it’s not a cultural thing. My team is spread across Asia, and they are fine with “modern email communication conventions”. The exception is the Japanese…. but how you address them in an email is the least of your problems tbh.

It is possible that she’s just a bit of a dick

But you’re right

Thanks for putting that in writing 😉 😀

Kryton57 – Member

Thanks for putting that in writing

He had his fingers crossed, so it didn’t count…. 🙂

The problem is that you’re calling her by her real name X. Give her a western name and use that as is common in the east/west business mix. I’m sure that will make her happier. 😈

When this happens to me I apologise profusely regardless. It’s better to keep colleagues happy.

Surname then given name OR title/position would be usual. But here, I imagine a first name would be informal by comparison and nothing at all might well be rude.

What you need to do is consult a fortune cookie for the answer and then discuss this with her. Trust me on this.

Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name

That makes it even better – you can intentionally misread her request

“Dear Ms X, desk 57, fourth floor, Nakatomi Plaza, (or wherever she works)

Or is it in fact no issue at all, and you’re just being pissy?

is the answer going to modify your behaviour?
If it’s cultural then you’ll have to use her name on repeat emails, if she’s being pissy then you’ll still have to use her name or you’ll be intentionally winding her up.

It might be easier to ask someone else at X’s office their opinion of your usual protocol, then you can decide whether to use the same for everyone at the office or just for X

Em, her slats are in the same place as every other woman’s. Insert hoof.

^ dammit, i scrolled through this entire thread hoping to toss in the ol’ “hoof her in the slats” joke…

😡

Em, her slats are in the same place as every other woman’s

Must…..Resist…..

Is she your now new “X” colleague.

Or maybe, she works for Mi5, secretly planted to keep an eye on You.

“Btw, if you want to talk to me please address my name”

“By the way, if you want to talk with me, please use words.”

Better yet,

Whenever you speak with her face to face, use her name in full at the beginning every time it’s your turn to speak.

She’s pissed off because you asked a question, which she answered and then you asked another question (with the possibility that she has interpreted the tone to be “…you forgot to answer this bit…”). If you had asked the question you meant to ask in the first email (when can the client expect to receive this) then you’d have avoid the issue!

Nothing to do with culture. I deal with Chinese people all the time and they’re fine, way too polite to correct you or be pissy with you – I get names wrong all the time, call them by their family names etc and they never correct me and are always super polite. As soon as I realise my errors i’ll apologise and they are almost embarrassed you’ve apologised they’re so polite. In fact unless you know them personally then they’d prefer to keep things more formal, but once you get to know them you can relax and converse with them as you would a westerner, have banter, pull their legs and have a laugh and a joke with them. She’s just being daft, nothing to do with her being Chinese. Understanding works both ways, it’s as much her responsibility to not get all over sensitive and haughty taughty and to just grow up. You’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. If you’re too over friendly in emails she might get the hump with that and accuse you of creepy sexist behaviour.