Any reluctants Dads on here? Experiences when you had your first born

When you become a parent you wonder what the hell you wasted all your time and money on before. Now our twins are 7 months old they are good fun to be around so I'm not riding, and toys are cheap compared to nights out and bikes, I've never had so much spare cash!

djglover, I love you dude. Funnily, we havent been that bothered about going out any more so hopefully its a natural progression/grown out of it eventually.

I_Ache – Member

HORA If it hasnt been said yet how much for your Cham?

£190 posted?

Kids are what makes a family; just back from camping up in NW Scotland with the missus and our two young uns, have stored away some good memories for both me n them. Didn't bike – didn't miss it – just played in the surf.
And this from someone who used to put in 10hr training on the bike a week.

Our first is due in October, we both want kids but I still had a horrible feeling of regret when we actually found out the mrs was expecting.. all that changed when I saw little un move during the 12 week scan..

The Mrs is awesome though, she knows I love biking and I don't think she'd ever try and stop me, I get the feeling I'm more likely to stop myself going out when he's here than she is 🙂

Erm, is this 'normal'? Since finding out I am even randier than normal (think coalfired power station to French Nuclear powerstation network) 😐 😕

eeewww, too much information 😯

. By agreeing I thought I'd bought upto 2yrs+ of breathing space. Not preggers within two weeks FFS.

LOL! two good friends of ours got together, neither wanting kids. Over time, one changed their mind…..
much discussing etc later they agreed to give it a go…. the bloke thinking he'd get a good few months 'practice' in….. his Mrs caught 'first time out'……

Chris S I know but Im Conan the Barbarian at the moment

Hora, mate, ignore all these miserable sods on here. First bit of advice: don't listen to people telling you what's going to happen. Imagine if you were two people sharing a house. Would you be able to predict what happens when a third person moves in?

Just don't go mental. Babies are easy to look after, all you do is feed them, dress them and change them. They might need entertaining, which will eat into the time of whoever's got them.. they might cry a lot in which case you have to work out what they like.

Some people seem to let the baby rule their lives, like they exist only to service the needs of a tiny angry monster, making sacrifices to appease it.. For us, we're just on a journey through life, and we've picked up another traveller on the way 🙂 The three of us have needs, so we just work out something that suits us all. Our Meg for instance just wants to be doing stuff all the time, so she comes along with whatever we want to do and she's happy. We've tried not to stick to a rigid routine and structure (apart from a few key cues like change, feed, bed at a roughly regular time) so that we aren't forever chained to one 🙂 It's only a big deal if you make it one (or something bad happens like serious illness etc etc).

I'd suggest hanging out with people who've got babies. You can come down and see us if you like, Mrs Grips is the best at making people feel at ease with babies 🙂

molgrips, totally agree. I dont want to revolve around the baby or those types that have to talk about babies constantly. I had to interrupt and stop GF/friend the other night as it was getting abit repetitive but she is coming upto the end of her maternity and goes back to Teaching in Sept so has had almost a year of baby-baby-baby 24/7.

We're also going to a Jazz club tomorrow night and missus said 'do we have to/dont want any loud noise etc' FFS. Its the size of a coin if not smaller..sheesh 😆 🙄

Obsessing over a baby cant be healthy. It needs to form itself, be open to risk etc doesnt it. Not cotton wool.

FFS. Its the size of a coin if not smaller..sheesh

She's probably talking about the baby.

It needs to form itself, be open to risk etc doesnt it.

Absolutely. For instance, Meg gets bored if you just sit there and pay her loads of attention. She is happiest when she's with you out doing something else – which is great 🙂

The one thing we spent tons of money on was a Chariot trailer for the bikes. Specifically one with suspension and a sling for newborn babies so we could take her out asap. The mrs didn't want to wait a year before getting out again. They don't suggest you take babies out on the bike (the baby sling is for pushchair/jogging mode) but that's just arse covering. She was fine on the canal towpath.

This is a really nice thread. Congratulations, Hora.

I'm not a parent but I wonder if anyone has pointed out that men generally don't bond with their child until after the birth, whereas women get that rush of love pretty early after conception. I think obsessing over the baby is normal and necessary. There's a good article in New Scientist this week about the mechanism. Forgive the long quote.

There is, however, evidence that when men become fathers they undergo biochemical changes that affect their behaviour. Ruth Feldman of Bar-Ilan University in Ramat-Gan, Israel, visited 80 couples shortly after childbirth and again after six months, and found that the transition to parenthood was associated with increased oxytocin not only in mothers but also in fathers, compared with single, childless people.

Oxytocin levels in the parents also had different effects in each sex. Mothers with highest levels of the hormone engaged in more gazing at the infant, affectionate touching and speaking in a sing-song voice. Fathers with higher oxytocin played more with their child, who displayed more attachment to them than did kids whose fathers had lower oxytocin.
Higher oxytocin had different effects in each sex. Fathers engaged in more play with their child
There is, however, evidence that when men become fathers they undergo biochemical changes that affect their behaviour. Ruth Feldman of Bar-Ilan University in Ramat-Gan, Israel, visited 80 couples shortly after childbirth and again after six months, and found that the transition to parenthood was associated with increased oxytocin not only in mothers but also in fathers, compared with single, childless people.

Oxytocin levels in the parents also had different effects in each sex. Mothers with highest levels of the hormone engaged in more gazing at the infant, affectionate touching and speaking in a sing-song voice. Fathers with higher oxytocin played more with their child, who displayed more attachment to them than did kids whose fathers had lower oxytocin.
Higher oxytocin had different effects in each sex. Fathers engaged in more play with their child

"Fathers and mothers contribute in a very specific and different way" to infants' social and emotional development, says Feldman, who presented the results at a Society for Research in Child Development meeting in Denver, Colorado, in April. She says fathers may be "biologically programmed" to help raise children.

Once again, congrats.

Going back to the getting out- wont be out riding as much etc.

This weekend I mentioned this. Girlfriend was horrified- said we need our own space still. After all for the past 19yrs whilst Ive gone riding etc, GF's slept in or gone shopping. Phew.

Take the kid with you, if it gets into shopping mode it will cost you a fortune. 😆

mmmmm she will do a lot of sleeping in and shopping with a new born baby….you BOTH have so much to learn.
You will be so tired the thought of riding for hours will be along way away from your thoughts …..you will have simple aims like 4 hours uninterupted sleep, perhaps to have SEX ever again, not smell of wee or vomit (you may be used to that bit though hora 😉 )

My wife was great with the first one. She went to friends and family showing him off whilst I went out riding. It was only when the second one arrived that my riding time dropped sharply. I get out by myself for an hour or two, maybe once a week/fortnight, but I can't remember the last time I went out with a bunch of mates at the weekend. Still, the in-laws live near the Sierra Nevada so I get a good summer riding fix with live-in babysitters. Awesome 😀

There will be no second. Definitely not. Im so adamant that Ive already discussed the snip. No **** way. Full stop.

you say that now. wait until he / she arrives.

Echo pretty much of the serious advice above. things will change but not necessarily for the worse, just different. the only thing I would really say is that you lose the flexibility to do stuff on a whim (not as easy to say – wow, it's a really nice day, think I'll go for a ride after all). So you make plans for when you're going to ride, and then stick to them irrespective.

So that would be my tip for riding with children about. Save a bit on baby clothes via freecycle, etc., and spend what you've saved on lights and a decent waterproof.

Probably already been said above, but think of this as a totally new life. Don't try and live your old life but with a child in tow since it will only lead to disappointment (unless you have a VERY understanding missus)

It will effect your riding maybe not end it but it'll reduce it, less and I also remember saying your never ever going to have kids so don't believe a word of you saying your not having 2.

Probably already been said above, but think of this as a totally new life. Don't try and live your old life but with a child in tow since it will only lead to disappointment (unless you have a VERY understanding missus)

Bored of getting p*ssed in some dive that looks terrible when the lights are on. Drinking gnats piss lager in bars or wine that you could preserve sheds with. Would rather go out less and actually enjoy where we do go more.

I am just, like, SOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to seeing you cope with fatherhood.

You appear to be utterly delusional and in denial about whats actually involved. Have you learnt absolutely nothing from watching the slow-motion car crash that my life has become over the last couple of years?

You are NOT going to be going out riding on a Saturday morning, while Mrs Hora dutifully watches the little chubby mini-Hora. What she says now and what actually happens are the difference between a politicians promises and what they deliver once in power. And she's agreed to not wanting a second. Yeah…. good luck with that

You'll wake up and smell the coffee soon enough. You spaz!

🙂

I think kids are great (well the ones that don't become criminals)

But doesn't mean I want any-thank god.

GF said she was late…

Dam I wanted a new bike not baby oh well…

binners, I'm not having two. We have an agreement and Lisa isnt the type to try and talk me out of it or worse trick me. She's just not that type. We agreed one. She doesnt want to have that big regret of never being a Mother.

LOL @ Binners. Best post in ages 😆

Well, post scan we were hit on by a 'research Midwife' (my ass) and GF was asked about domestic violence (apperently in this hospital they have to ask everyone)….GF enquired further and it turns out alot of women actually answer 'yes'. ****. Luckily I popped out after the interesting bit otherwise my black humour would have been very unwelcome… 🙄