Another one of those have I over reacted threads

Lets say you as a parent found out that your next door neighbour, whom you thought extremely highly of and in all other respects you’d trusted implicitly had been giving your six year old daughter small ‘snifters’ of whiskey, playfully called ‘gobbledeygooks’, without your knowledge, how do you think you would react?

For context lets assume this was still the early 80s, your next door neighbour was in their 60s and both your daughters routinely play at his and his (female) partner’s house.

Erm…

Are you saying you’ve only found out now about something that happened in the eighties?

[this wont end well]
this sounds like something to deal with at home not on the internet
[/this wont end well]

I’d be wondering if the alcohol was intended to intoxicate and be reporting it to the police.

This would be a police matter.

End of thread.

Its difficult to say if you’ve over reacted as you haven’t said how you’ve reacted.

“Let’s assume” that any opinion given without knowing the full story is worthless.

if you went round to have a word and youre now sitting in a pool of blood, youve over reacted, if all youve done is post on stw then no

Also, lets assume that if your neighbours were in their 60’s in the early 80’s then they are more than likely both dead now.

This would be a police matter.

End of thread.

I don’t think its illegal to give alcohol to children over 5yo – its illegal to sell alcohol to children, but not to give it to them, or am I remembering that wrong (I probably am, I’ve had a tipple)

Also, lets assume that if your neighbours were in their 60’s in the early 80’s then they are more than likely both dead

Pee on their graves! 😈

Did you pee on their graves?

but not to give it to them, or am I remembering that wrong

Only the parents or guardians may give alcohol to children.

giving your six year old daughter small ‘snifters’ of whiskey, playfully called ‘gobbledeygooks’

Sorry. I misread that and thought the OP said that after the whiskey, they ‘played gobbledygooks’. You can understand why I suggested it would be a police matter!

That said, now I know it is only a euphemism for the whiskey, I would still be pissed off.

Yes the person concerned died three years ago. You’re right it’s probably not a good thing to discuss on the Internet. It’s about whether you as a parent would find that acceptable or not. There may be huge skeletons in the closet with this story but we don’t need to go there. The incidents are known to the parents in question but one at least seems to think that it was perfectly harmless and went on to say how great this guy was even knowing what he knew.

My reaction towards him was to be very angry that he could defend some one who did that (and only that) to his six year old daughter even if the amounts were small and his daughter never came back intoxicated. I walked away from the conversation because I was pretty angry and sensed that an argument was about to blow up (instigated by me) but that was taken as a slight and its been suggested that I’ve over reacted.

The daughter in question is someone I love, trust and care for very much hence my sense of protectionism has kicked in.

Is it one particular person (daughter) in question.
Not your daughter ?
And the parents are not concerned, but you are.

Have I got that correct, sorry if not, but its a bit cryptic to be honest.

As a parent would I find it acceptable? No

scotroutes – Member
I’d be wondering if the alcohol was intended to intoxicate

I’d be wondering this a lot.

If the person in question is dead it doesn’t seem worth talking about.

If he wasn’t I’d not be bothering with the police. I’d have a very strong word. If it happened again the consequences of the very strong word would be released.

Not my daughter no. Some one I know and I was talking to her parents and this. It was all a long time ago for sure but it just made me angry that someone could be so blasé about their daughter. That’s where maybe I’m over reacting.

How can anyone answer OP if you’re not saying ha you reacted…

OP?

It’s up to the parent…

How I’d have reacted is already covered.

Didn’t realise this wasn’t your issue……

but it just made me angry that someone could be so blasé about their daughter. That’s where maybe I’m over reacting.

They possibly know more details about the situation, and the people involved, than you do ?
And that’s why they are not concerned.

…….seems to think that it was perfectly harmless and went on to say how great this guy was even knowing what he knew.

Well it probably was perfectly harmless then, specially as you say “the amounts were small and his daughter never came back intoxicated”.

On the face of it, it doesn’t sound good, but if the amount involved was tiny, and it had no negative effect, and the parents are cool about it now, then I reckon you might be overacting a bit by getting “very angry” with them. It sounds to me that they are probably in a better position to pass judgement than you.

It kind of depends a lot on what the motives for giving the whiskey were really, doesn’t it? And that could range from the most innocuous outdated belief of health benefits, all the way through to an attempt to make the child compliant to enable abuse. This is information we do not have, so cannot really judge. Interesting though.

This is information we do not have, so cannot really judge

But I’m sure we’ll all have a good go anyway.

The question was “how do you think you would react?” based on the information available.

But I’m sure we’ll all have a good go anyway.

Interestingly though, nobody really has.

More people asking for clarification of the cryptic story than anything else.

**** sake man do you not have your own moral barometer to judge these things? I suspect you are trying to get stw into a bit of a lather, like it does on here. yes, It sounds very wrong. happy?

i was under the impression that whoever is in charge of a child could legally give them alcohol?
if it was my child i definately wouldnt be happy, legal or not.

I’d ask the child whether I need to be upset. They’ll have matured enough to give a fairly reasoned response by now.

The work from there as to whether to be irritated, or digging angry holes in grave yards is the best route.

If the daughter is your wife/gf and therefore you’re on the cusp of causing a rift with the in-laws, I suspect you be about to cause yourself a whole heap of hassle.

If you ‘win’ this argument situation, from what I’ve read, all you’ll have achieved is getting her parents all upset about it and wishing they’d never been friends with the neighbour, but there is still nothing that can be done so you will still be in the same position as you are now, on the other hand they may stick their ground and they may not talk to you for the next five years…

Thank for the perspectives guys. I may have over reacted. My reaction was in defence and support of the daughter in question who does feel let down and upset by her fathers reaction. There’s lots of complicated family stuff tied up in it but we can leave it here. Thanks again.

May be they are blase about the situation because they have a lot more information than you. For example the full story and personal knowledge of all the characters involved and a first hand memory if the surrounding circumstances .

If the only crime is giving the kids a nip of whisky so small that it had no noticeable effect I wouldn’t be particularly bothered. I certainly wouldn’t be bothered on someone else’s behalf if they thought it was OK.

Is the daughter in question a well balanced and healthy person? If so, then calm down and move on. All you will succeed in doing is worsening things.

We all have things from our childhood where we feel our parents should have behaved differently. That said, now I’m on the other side of that relationship and have two kids, I understand better the moments my parents didn’t get overprotective and appreciate their judgement more.

However if an aged neighbour fed my kid whisky, I would not be cool about it. To be fair, my son would spit it out and tell him exactly what he thinks. The boy has his father’s intolerance for things which are not on his terms.

Fizzicist I think you’re spot on there. As for them being more informed, its actually the other way around. I’m privy to more insight than they are at least as far as how the daughter feels anyway.

do we know if it was a single malt or a blend?

You seem to be enjoying being vague and cryptic.

If you genuinely want people’s opinions, tell the story.

If you don’t, then don’t bother.

I’m privy to more insight than they are at least as far as how the daughter feels anyway.

Well if you are withholding vital information on which your attitude is based, then it’s difficult for anyone to express an opinion on whether you are over reacting or not.

I based my comments on the very limited information you provided, and the fact that I myself, was allowed occasional access to small quantities of alcohol throughout my childhood. Something which did me no harm at all, although I do recall getting a little pissed on my ninth birthday ! 🙂 In fact I’m sure that early access to alcohol in the presence of responsible adults contributed to a healthy attitude towards drinking in my later teens. I rarely drink at all these days.

Are there any more drips to come?

Sorry guys. I know I’m being cryptic and its not me trying to be melodramatic just discrete. I value people’s opinions but really its not right to disclose everything. Thanks again.