Am I the only person in this bloody house who can…

I think the Daily Mash have been reading this thread, judging from this mornings missive 😂

Six things you didn’t give a toss about until you became middle-aged

Get Marmite out of the jar without dribbling it all round the thread and the rest of the jar

I didn’t think this was physically possible

It’s not. Pretty sure it oozes up and over the edge by itself once the seal is open.

See also: honey.

I have been known to buy two jars of Marmite – one squeezy jar for the kids, one ‘proper’ jar for dad so I can be all smug and self-satisfied at using the special twisty scoopy operation to get it out.   It may have taken 40+ years to perfect it but you know small pleasures and all that.

This seemed well-timed from the mash. I wonder if someone on the staff there reads stw…

https://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/lifestyle/six-things-you-didnt-give-a-toss-about-until-you-became-middle-aged-20220506220684

Ooh, here’s another one.

READING THE POST LITERALLY 3 ABOVE YOURS BEFORE BEING CLEVER!

@kenneththecurtain 😘

and the most irritating one:

“why do you put items for recycling on the worktop next to the recycling bins, rather than in the actual bins themselves? They are literally 30cm away”

Oh, I can beat that. Stacking up recycling on top of the recycling bin. WHY?! It’s not like it’s full, now I’ve got to move it out of the way to be able to open the bin to put it back in again.

Back when we first moved here, we had The Girl and her boyfriend living here for a few months whilst they got their own place sorted. I got tired of the kitchen worktops being randomly covered in baked goods – they both have an ‘imminent Type 2 diabetes’ sweet tooth – so I bought a nice big bread bin. Result: this was interpreted a handy place to stack cakes and donuts on top of despite being completely empty inside. Grr, argh.

Anyone have any tips about how to address these things with the perpetrator without appearing to be a petty bastard?

“Is this here for a reason?”

Plus, it wedges into the bottom of the bin

Pro tip: drill a hole in the bottom of the bin so that the stuffed bin bag doesn’t form an airtight seal.

There’s a lot of you with lights being left on, but what about turning the lights off?

In my house my wife has got so good at turning the lights off she does it automatically when leaving a room. Great you say! But what about when I’m still in there? Washing up and plunged into darkness, reading a book and suddenly groping accross the room for the switch etc.

A mate said this of his spouse the other day ‘she has never seen the fridge door close…’ genius I thought. Me and my wife are mostly together on this, I have twin boys and one is better, but George, oh my god!!!

We are pretty 50/50 on child care and I get it, its tough managing full time busy jobs and kids and sports for them and us. House is pretty good. Boys rooms less so, spare room/drying room/dumping room/gym/Peloton room, well sort of.. My garage and workshop, tool boxes are amazing and everyone comments :-))))

I am super tidy. I do it for living to be fair. I tidy company IT teams and systems. I finish and get bored and move on.

My Nan always said I would make a good wife for someone one day 🙂

Re: Lights etc, we are pretty good. Three out of four of us keeping an eye on this helps.

Toilets, twin son #1 cannot flush, lift seats, or replace loo rolls. Mind you he is diagnosed ADHD/ASD/ODD and just cannot tidy. He doens know what to do, whats all your families excuses?

I fitted motion sensor lights in the downstairs bog. Never got around to same for the taps though. Should of

Re: Marmite

Similar? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitch_drop_experiment

Putting a few squirts of bleach in the toilet bowl is not cleaning the toilet.

Pro tip: drill a hole in the bottom of the bin so that the stuffed bin bag doesn’t form an airtight seal.

Genius.

Keep their word when they say “if you take her to training, I’ll pick her up at 8”

Every **** Friday.

I think the significant others of every poster on this thread deserve right of reply, I’m sure it’d be very entertaining for third parties to watch!

It’s fascinating to discover how many forum members were incredibly considerate and thoughtful children and teenagers too. It’s such a pity that all this moral degradation has suddenly occurred in the current young generation.

Mind you, I live alone, so all the irritating things that go on in my flat are definitely my own fault!

I fitted motion sensor lights in the downstairs bog.

So that’s number twos taken care of, but do you pee in the dark?

I think the significant others of every poster on this thread deserve right of reply, I’m sure it’d be very entertaining for third parties to watch!

It wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had parallel threads running over at Mumsnet.

Eventually, 2 of us pulled out all the crap in the sink, sorted out his stuff (which was about 80% of the contents of the sink) and then went and dumped it on his bed. That threat remained for the rest of our time in the flat, he got very good at judging to the last teaspoon what height in the sink would trigger this. Still didn’t do the **** washing up though

I used to just accidentally drop something heavy in the sink when we had a person like that in a house share. The problem solves itself one way or another. Helps that I’m incredibly clumsy.

‘Sorry, had to wash my spare brick’.

Helps if there’s a washing up bowl though in a share, you can just move it out of the way.

what happens if the poop bores through the glaze?

‘Sorry, had to wash my spare brick’.

That made me laugh.

Reminds me of a Terry ****wit strip in Viz years ago:

“Hi mum, I’ve come to help you wash the dishes.”

“OK Terry. 1) I’m not your mum, you live next door. 2) We don’t have any dishes because you washed them last week with your dad’s hammer. And 3) you’re a ****wit, now piss off.”

I shared a house as a student and all my housemates left a sink full of washing up before clearing off for the Easter hols. I did the washing up before I left but forgot to turn off the immersion heater. Unfortunately the thermostat was broken and the contents of the tank boiled and filled most of the upstairs with steam. In turn, most of the wallpaper peeled and we had to move out. Happy days!

One of my most important jobs as a kid was being the TV channel changer

Our kids leave the TV remote control all over the place, including upstairs in their bedrooms. 😡

Our kids leave the TV remote control all over the place, including upstairs in their bedrooms.

TBF I’ve been known to take the remote control with me to make tea and then put it down in the kitchen and leave it there without. Are your kids nearly 60?

😊 Reminds me of a conference I was at many years ago where a Nobel laureate gave his talk and then left to get a taxi to the airport – still wearing his microphone!

Which reminds of the Greg Davies story…