Am I Being Unreasonable? MTB Court now in session! #Case002

I recognise a lot of what Simon says –  No children involved here but I am a stronger rider than Mrs NBT. Like Simon I have no issues with the whole waiting at the top thing and am just happy be out with my wife. In many cases though, I know she’s already decided that she won’t be able to ride up / down that bit, which I find sad – because I have more confidence in her abilities than she has, so it’s just a little sad that I think she’s going to be able to do it then she doesn’t even try. Doesn’t mean I don’t wan to ride together though –  I’d rather ride with my wife than my mates.

Having said all that – Simon is being a dick. Ride a non-ebike with Rebecca, and give up most if not all Saturdays, either to let Rebecca ride with ladies on Saturdays, so she doesn’t feel the pressure of riding with her husband, or to ride more together. Buy her a new bike if it will help her feel better about riding – it doesn’t have to be an e-bike if that’s not what Rebecca wants, just having a new bike is a boost in itself (listen to the voice of experience). Realise that Rebecca needs to ride with / listen to other people telling her how good she is – as her husband you are expected to be encouraging, so she needs independent backup that this is indeed the case. This may be a skills course, or just riding with other people. Either way, it’s your turn to step back

Rebecca also need to listen to other people though. Time off bike means skills and fitness and confidence all need a little top-up, that’s all

 

 

 

 

Simon needs to step up and make some compromises – can’t hog all Saturdays for rides with mates and expect wife to look after your kids. Saturday needs a 50/50 split or, even better, make them family rides rather than with mates and include the kids in it. If kids are young then Mac Rides / Kids Ride Shotgun, if they’re older then tow ropes until they start smoking you on the climbs (at which point ebike for mum and dad). Simon’s being a twonk if he reckons it’s fair and appropriate to bugger off every Saturday with his mates, IMO.

Some similarities with our situation although hopefully I’m not behaving like a twonk. Weekday evening ride with mates is the main extent of my MTBing at the moment, with a fair bit of early morning solo gravel rides – fit it around the kids and Mrs a11y’s own interests, a healthy balance. Weekends are family rides with the kids, hopefully nurturing them for a future when they’ll still not be embarassed to ride with their mum and dad.

Weekend away days with mates – and ideally family – will come again.

How can he look after his family if he doesn’t look after himself?

People need the space that social interaction and sport gives them. I had a similar issue when I was younger. My partner complained I spent too much time cycling and surfing. It was actually detailed in the divorce as examples of unreasonable behaviour (yes, really)!

I would argue that you can have a fat depressed husband… or you can have one that will return in a few hours excited, happy, full of energy (after a strategic nap), and motivated to carry on slaving away monday to friday for the benefit of the family.

If you read a book by the founder of Patagonia clothing entitled “let my people go surfing”, you will learn that you can’t expect people to give something the attention it deserves or be happy… when they are missing waves (or the techy mates ride).

I don’t really see a dilemma here. She is not asking him to give up his mates rides… and they both agree they are happy together at an easier pace.

Do both rides… do it all.

Stop complaining and get stuck in. If she is not getting the support she needs to get her mojo back,… waiting for it to happen won’t work. f*** him and set an objective and go get it. Go to the woods and nail that drop off like you used to. Book yourself in with a coach? Buy some knee pads for confidence. Think it. Feel It. ****ing do it.

Also, it is OK for it to not be the same as you/it used to be. Life happens, people get older, get wiser, more risk adverse. Just enjoy it for what it is. You don’t ned to be fast or get big air.

agghhh. I’ve gone off Rebecca and Simon. They have nice bikes, a family, can ride during the week. If there was an issue or problem here it would be a 1st world problems… that they didn’t need to share.

Can we have a voting option of “shut the **** up”?

 

 

 

agghhh. I’ve gone off Rebecca and Simon. They have nice bikes, a family, can ride during the week. If there was an issue or problem here it would be a 1st world problems… that they didn’t need to share.

Can we have a voting option of “shut the **** up”?

100% this!

*yes, I am very envious

I agree. Im really not sure what the point of this article is? Clickbait?

I’ve read it but am struggling to give a shit. Both seem to get out riding and have kids. How the **** are they managing that!!

How can he look after his family if he doesn’t look after himself?

By forward planning, acceptance of the situation he’s placed himself in, compromise where required, and following rule #1.

Lifestyles change; sometimes it’s planned, such as having kids, or sometimes it’s forced upin you, like illness. But it invariably carries on.

I’ve read it but am struggling to give a shit. Both seem to get out riding and have kids. How the **** are they managing that!!

I am intrigued by those who *do not* manage to get out.

We had three kids under four years old at one point and still managed to hold some friendships, bike rides and walks without kids for both mrs_oab and I. As soon as they were school age we also managed to get a weekend away leaving other half with the three kids. And of course all 5 of us rode bikes, from old enough to hold up their head in a seat or trailer.
And yes we both worked. And did up a house x2.
When we moved to Scotland, the amount of time outdoors as a family exploded, and the amount of time we as a couple or individually headed outdoors for a ride / run / pint with a friend also increased.

I’ve still not read it.

But I did tell you it was the husbands fault 😎

As soon as they were school age we also managed to get a weekend away leaving other half with the three kids.

Wait, are you saying you managed a weekend away with the mistress while leaving the kids with your other half?

I think I understand now how you managed to get so much done.

I am intrigued by those who *do not* manage to get out.

people who don’t have any family or family close by can struggle to spend time together with young children.

people who don’t have any family or family close by can struggle to spend time together with young children

I agree. In Sheffield family was 45 miles away. In Scotland, 300 miles away.
Yet still we had great family time, some couple time and some individual time.
It’s difficult, yes, but maybe it’s down to priorities..?

I agree. In Sheffield family was 45 miles away. In Scotland, 300 miles away.
Yet still we had great family time, some couple time and some individual time.
It’s difficult, yes, but maybe it’s down to priorities..?

I think leaving 4 year olds to fend for themselves is frowned upon.

Also, it is OK for it to not be the same as you/it used to be. Life happens, people get older, get wiser, more risk adverse. Just enjoy it for what it is. You don’t ned to be fast or get big air.

This is the response I’ve been mulling over, I think there’s plenty of people I know who once adult life comes along with things like children, a mortgage and career / business to keep on top of, riding down scary stuff stops being scary fun and just becomes scary scary.

Lots of suggestions on this thread feel a bit like they’re suggestions on how to “fix” Rachel so she can get back to riding the sort of things Simon enjoys (both from Simon and posters here). But no one seems to want to ask what Rachel *wants* to do. Perhaps they need to talk through what sort of rides Rachel wants and if she wants to do the sort of riding that’s more about exploring and spending time together (dare I generalise it as gravel riding?), they need to talk about that and plan that sort of ride rather than heading out to find the gnarr that she really doesn’t want to ride down.