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[Closed] A toast to my late father

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Offline  doomanic
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It's my dad's memorial tomorrow and I rather foolishly agreed to do the toast. Unfortunately, I have been procrastinating because I don't actually want to do it; as the date has got closer, my excuses for not doing it have got worse. I don't want to let my mother down (which is why I agreed to do it in the first place), but don't have a clue what to say. Are there any good resources on-line where I can get some pointers?

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 8:21 am
Offline  theotherjonv
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Just the toast or are you expected to talk about him / deliver a eulogy? Not sure what toast means in different regions, etc.

If the latter. Talk kindly but honestly. No-one is without fault and anyone there will want to remember him for who he was and unless he really was a saint to make him out to be one isn't true. I'll be happy to be remembered as stubborn and a bit argumentative when my time comes, alongside my many many many good attributes.

If the former. Something simple. I like the Irish one but not sure it works unless there's a connection.

May the road rise up to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face; the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again, may God hold you in the palm of His hand.

- but when my Dad's time comes, as he was merchant navy as a young man I might appropriate the wind at your back.

Obvs he leaves you and your mum behind. Any others, grandchildren, etc? If he was worshipped as my Dad is by his wife and kids 'He may have only been one man in the world, but to some of us he was our world'

Condolences, and hope it goes well.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 8:30 am
Offline  tjagain
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This is what we used for my partners memorial.

I did not write it - my pal did Feel free to us it ( but change the names / sex 🙂 )

Keep it short and sweet is my advice.

I would like to propose a toast to the memory of Julie, she was a special lady and will always remain in our hearts and thoughts. Can you please charge your glasses, flask or water bottles.

To Julie, gone but not forgotten may she always be in our hearts and minds.

Slainte.

So two parts - the set up then the toast

Edit - practice it a load of times so when the time comes the words come easily. You will be emotional but the practice means the words are there in the front of your mind

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 8:36 am
Offline  bentandbroken
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“The song may have ended, but the melody lingers on”

That simple text from one of my mums carers made it tin to my eulogy, but it would work equally well as a toast

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 9:02 am
Offline  dannybgoode
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I did both my mum and my dad's eulogies. For my dad's, my sisters and I spent quite along time writing it and it all came out as blubble, which was odd as I wasn't that close to him and I didn't really believe much of what I was saying.

I just winged my mum's - I had a fair idea of what aspects I wanted to include and just rolled with it. I preferred the content and context of my mum's, it felt more real somehow being non-rehearsed and more from the heart.

I did the toast for my mum as well which she had inadvertently 'written' herself when she was dying. She was bed-ridden and in the last throes of her battle with cancer and she decided we should crack open the champagne of which we had a fair few bottles lying around. She proposed the toast 'champagne to die for' so that was an easy one at her memorial but perhaps not one for every such occasion...

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 9:03 am
Offline  Ro5ey
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It's a memorial, so share a memory of your father and then incorporate it into your toast.

"please raise (charger seems more for groups of fellas) your glass to fathers, husbands, "bad dancers/something to do with your fond memory" and especially my dad Doomanic Snr"

People will be interested and empathetic to your words, that's why they are there.

Best of luck.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 9:10 am
Offline  ElVino
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Sympathies on the loss of your Dad. I guess it all depends why you don't want to do it. Are you nervous or you don't have any nice things to say? I did my Dad's last year, I was very nervous as I was also pretty upset. I read it aloud about 100 times and it was only the final delivery I managed without my voice cracking.
If you can't think of nice things to say ask his close friends or other family members what they liked about him? People will be kind and no one expects John Hannah in 4 Weddings & a Funeral.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 10:20 am
Offline  doomanic
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It’s only a toast, not a eulogy, and I loved my dad so there’s no specific reason I don’t want to do it other than emotional. It’s just making me realise I’m not over his death yet.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 10:50 am

Offline  BigJohn
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When my dad was 90, my speech at his birthday party was something like "I don't want to be that person who never told you that I love you and am proud of you and am so glad you made me who I am". This might be a good time to tell the world that. As well as the time he embarrassed himself in public and you all fell about laughing.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 10:58 am
Offline  jamj1974
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Thinking of you Doomanic. I am not sure we ever get over the deaths of our parents - not if we were close to them. I think you just kind of ‘get used to it’ and the fact they are not here kind of sinks in.

I would do as others have suggested - mention something which reflects how much you and your family have treasured him and acknowledge that he obviously has meant a lot to others as well. Perhaps ask them to recall a favourite memory/characteristic of him and keep it in mind as you toast him…?

Something along the lines of:

“My/our (Insert favourite memory or aspect of dad) was this. We know he has meant a lot to you too - and we ask that you charge your glasses and please remember what you loved most about him as we drink to his memory.

To Doomanic Snr and a life well lived (or similar).”

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 11:02 am
Offline  tjagain
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Doomaniac - I cannot emphasise enough that once you have your wording, practice it out loud many times. This will stop you stumbling over your words and enable you to look up from your bit of paper and to project your voice. Nothing worse than mumbling and stuttering your way thru it

I gave Julies eulogy - a 12 min speech. It was tough but because I practiced it over and over I made it thru

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 11:05 am
Offline  DavidB
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It’s only a toast, not a eulogy, and I loved my dad so there’s no specific reason I don’t want to do it other than emotional. It’s just making me realise I’m not over his death yet.

My brother did my Dad's and welled up halfway through. It made it tens times better. Don't be afraid to show emotion.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 11:20 am
Offline  wzzzz
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It’s only a toast, not a eulogy, and I loved my dad so there’s no specific reason I don’t want to do it other than emotional. It’s just making me realise I’m not over his death yet.

I'm not over my fathers death after 4 years. You will probably never get "over" it.

Practice as above, and remember- showing emotion is not a sign of weakness.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 2:34 pm
Offline  Cougar
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Sorry for your loss.

Devil's advocate answer: if you don't know what to say then say nothing. Why make something up? At my dad's funeral I sat listening to some bloke in a frock pap on about a bloke he'd never met and whose description bore little resemblance to the man I knew. "A family man..." no he wasn't, he took every opportunity he could to be anywhere bar with his wife or son. "Had a shag once" would've been more accurate.

Deliver from the heart not the head. Because, spoiler, no-one wants to sit there listening to you roll through a long pre-rehearsed speech. Say who he was if you like, say how you and your family feel because that's the important bit, then take everyone to the pub.

As may be apparent my dad and I weren't close so my view is perhaps biased / bitter, but if forced I'd likely step up, go "cheers!" and walk off again.

If you're doing it for your mum, ask her what she wants you to say.

 
Posted : 24/09/2021 3:38 pm

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