Who are the most totally, absolutely, bonkers fruit-loops you know?

Its Friday. Lets have some good stories about people who are completely woo-woooooooo, crazy-ape, hatstand, barking mad!

Where would we be without them 😀

Inspired by a 3rd level, organic, free-range fair-trade new age vegan* yoghurt knitter, who occasionally comes into the office. And amuses endlessly with his hemp-clad, uber-right-on-zealotry.

Anyway… He’s just popped in. He never looks a particularly well man. Probably due to a diet based entirely on mung-beans and organic yoghurt. He’s been to the doctors this morning and been told he’s got a viral inner ear infection. The doctor offered to prescribe him some antibiotics, but NO!!! He’s not corrupting his body with that muck

His solution, instead… after giving us all an earnest lecture/monologue about the body being like an engine and needing clean fuel, and some quotes from his favourite homeopathic books…. he’s going to fast on nothing but water for the next 4 days.

Yep… that’ll do it! Why wouldn’t it work? I’m surpised that isn’t prescribed more often

He’s given us all a laugh though. As always 😆

So… who’s your favourite nutter then? And why? Lets have some stories

* eats nothing that casts a shadow

Kaesea.

Chewkw

a lad i used to live with was a proper odd-ball.

Small but very broad, judo expert, oxbridge educated, ugly, socially retarded.

We’d be sitting watching TV and he’d just randomly burst out 100 push-ups or squat thrusts and then sit back down again.

He also tried to make a cake for a girl he liked at law school. It went wrong 3 times and he didn’t finish it until 4am. Then he got a taxi to law school so as not to damage the cake and presented it to her in a seminar whilst trying to get everyone to start singing happy birthday. She was not best pleased 🙂

He used to go to AA meetings because he was extremely worried about the threat of becoming an alcoholic, which was most amusing since he didn’t drink. He’s now some sort of group leader there.

He once jumped out of his bedroom window (on the second floor) with a samurai sword, just wearing his boxers, after watching Christian Bale in Equilibirum on his own. The first we knew about it was when we heard him screaming outside.

I miss him 🙂

First bloke I ever sold a recumbent bike to was ex-army, and his other hobby (apart from weird bikes) was RC helicopter duels. Him and his mate would take their big petrol RC helicopters to the rugby pitch, stand at opposite ends, and try to hit each other.

He had a 3″ chunk missing from his bicep from a near miss.

Oh, and he also taught himself to hang-glide – bought a second-hand ‘glider, took it to the top of a cliff, and jumped off. Busted his jaw and lost several teeth before he worked out that you needed to strap in, not just hold onto the bar.

There was a guy at Bangor Uni I saw about 3 times in a year, he had an ASBO banning him from the main area of student accommodation. Saw him buy an extra large kebab, took the paper wrapping off it and then put it in the pocket of his Barbour. Barking but I don’t think in a good way.

jam bo – Member
Kaesea.

+1 although thank god I don’t know him, just of him

vegan*

* eats nothing that casts a shadow

diet based entirely on … organic yoghurt

?

Oh, and he also taught himself to hang-glide – bought a second-hand ‘glider, took it to the top of a cliff, and jumped off. Busted his jaw and lost several teeth before he worked out that you needed to strap in, not just hold onto the bar

Awesome !

Busted his jaw and lost several teeth before he worked out that you needed to strap in, not just hold onto the bar.

I shouldn’t laugh but that is funny as ****

I used to work with a chap who was writing a magnum opus of natural philosophy. The work was entitled “Why Newton was Wrong and Einstein was an Idiot”. I was treated to several sample chapters and by the time I left he’d written something like 500 A4 single spaced sheets with virtually no paragraph breaks. I’d love to know what it’s like now.

The author of this blog[/url] is pretty high up there on the list.

An old boss (Regional Director Large Banking Group, now retired) was as barking as they come. He used to bound in the office at 1030am with a spring in his step prancing on tiptoes dressed in yellow cords.
His booming voice could be heard over the local airport and if you ever got a strip torn off you it would last months. His choice of words and tone was as blue as they come and he abused his position with a regularity only matched by a perfect swiss timepiece. He was a boorish, hooray Henry of the old school variety who’d had most of his life handed to him.. Drove an old school Jag, smoked cigars and had a Russian Bride.
He never failed to amuse, never failed to lift the receptionists skirt and check for vagrants, never failed to buy us all drinks on our traditional Wednesday afternoons off (old school sports afternoons never left him) would always be the first at the bar and curry house and I got on with him like a house on fire. One fine fine Gentleman and glad and honoured to have known him.
Bonkers as a mad March hare,

he’s got a viral inner ear infection. The doctor offered to prescribe him some antibiotics, but NO!!! He’s not corrupting his body with that muck

He’s not totally nuts then, the right antibiotics will help with bacterial infections, they’ll do cock-all for a viral one.

he’s got a viral inner ear infection. The doctor offered to prescribe him some antibiotics

TBF, if it is a viral ear infection, antibiotics won’t help.[/pedant]

I lived with a girl at Uni, who was a brilliant mathematician. Just completely unable to work out how to cook a frozen pizza, even after in depth tuition for 12 months …

On here….. Kaesea
Out there….. David Icke

I think the point is that he won’t take ANY medication, preferring 4 days starving himself as a more viable solution instead

Bonkers!

Having said that… I’ll keep you posted if it works. He may be on to something after all

I don’t know him personally but “The Electric Scarecrow” in Glasgow is probably the craziest. I’ve been acosted by him a couple of times but he’s a well known local mentalist/ roaster

The best story I ever heard about him was when he was spotted on Byres Road in Glasgow, standing outside an estate agents warming his hands against a poster in the window with a picture of a coal fire on it 😆

Ermm… any born again Christian. Sorry if there’s any reading this but of the 4 I’ve met and known fairly well they’ve all been a hairs breadth away from a straitjacket. Basically balanced on a fence with Jesus one side and the loony bin the other, but facing the Jesus side 😀

Enjoy…

http://www.youtube.com/user/colinfurze

The Jettle is pure genius though

viral inner ear infection. The doctor offered to prescribe him some antibiotics

Antibiotics not much use for viruses though are they? About as much use as organic yoghurt in fact.

kaesae

+1

James Cameron (of aliens fame) was a bit strange. Hid behind a cabinet and jumped out to challenge me, when I was doing some consultancy at Digital Domain… who was i ? what was I doing ? are we paying you ?

Having worked with people with mental illness, i tend not to laugh at or mock ‘oddballs’, as it’s the ostracisation, alienation nd prejudice from others which can triger/exacerbate their condition. Some of their behaviour is merely them trying to engage with others, but they may lack the ability to do so in a socially acceptable manner. Hence why they may come across as ‘weird’.

Rather than treat them as outcasts in the way most people seem to do, I try to engage with such individuals if they communicarte with me, and have a chat. I’ve discovered that far from being ‘undesirables’, many have very interesting stories to tell, and are fascinating human beings deserving of respect and dignity.

What I find more disturbing is the level of repression, insecurity and social inadequacy in people that mock those who are ‘different’, and their inability to act without the prejudice instilled in them by a society which demands strict adherence to the norm. Normality is, more often than not, very boring. Variety is the spice of life. Individualism is what drives the creative spirit.

Old college lecturer of mine, by the name Joe Smith. Mental.

Used to take us to the courthouse in Glasgow to watch cases (I was doing a HNC in Mechanical Engineering!) and would quite often shout out during cases, seemed to love getting warnings for contempt. Wore tweed suits, a bow tie, and always carried a victoria wine bag turned inside out. Regaled us of stories of teaching Denis Law and Jim Kerr, as well as claiming he went to Uni with Bill Clinton.

Wrote a book about John Paul Jones, the founder of the US Navy, which he reckoned was going to make him a millionaire, penned under the name Wallace Bruce.

Also used to pass round forensic crime books with images of decapitations, post buggery anus’s etc….

Was as mad as they come, but similarly to that fella up there ^^^ Was a pleasure to have experienced him.

I hope he’s still about, regaling nursing home staff of his madness…

when i was 13 my rugby coach was a rather well known local bloke.

this bloke was not reet at all.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Sykes_(boxer)

Shall we point them in your all-embracing communal direction then Mike? How many rooms do you have?

Or have you still got Abu Hamza’s rellies stopping with you 😉

Love the Glasgow Scarecrow.
Also a fan of the Sutton Wizard.

Use d to work with a lad called tony, who liked to be called honey monster
Came to work every day in a 3 wheeler reliant robin, but dressed in full hells angels gear, including German helmet

We used to spends hours making up challenges for him to do in the dinner hour
One was to eat 4 steak puddings, 3 fish and 3 lots of chips and curry sauce(which he called a fat boy special) as fast as he could, took him all dinner time , but he did it and promptly spewed it all up in big chunks in the foremans office whilst having a bollocking.
We bet him he couldn’t drive a £50 k truck chassis up a transporter at more than 3 miles an hour, he tried and drove it off the end and wrote the trailer and chassis off”
We also challenged him to karate chop some pallets , not being stupid he challenged someone else to show it was possible, we already had a half sawn through piece of wood, which one of the apprentices deftly chopped in half with one foul swoop of his hand .
Tony upped the challenge and put 2 pieces on top of each other, took about 5 mins psyching himself up, a large crowd had gathered by this time, he brought his hand down onto the wood, which bounced off, a trip to a&e showed a shattered hand, 3 months off work, and got sacked shortly after for the trailer episode.
I never laughed as much in that job, good times.

Shall we point them in your all-embracing communal direction then Mike?

I might send a few up to you. You could do with opening your mind and learning about the world outside your window a bit.

Alternatively, I could send you a few books to read. Email me and I’ll sort it out.

You’re right Mike. We’re all just so brain-washed, narrow minded, and lacking in imagination, aren’t we?

All the people who have different opinions to you?

There couldn’t be any other possible explanation? Could there….?

My old next door neighbour was ace (he is still ace but I moved).

Works on the Isle of Barra but keeps this other house over here on the east coast of Scotland where he used to work as an teacher… a keen user of the belt with a reputation for colourful outbursts, and a habit of locking kids in cupboards.

His flat has no electricity and no running water. As far as we could tell it’s piled high with books and magazines with crawl spaces to get around. He is never seen without his trusty carrier bag and wears a sweater with holes in it… never any more or less whatever the weather. In the carrier bag is The Times, a country ways type magazine and probably some very hardcore homo porn (this is an assumption as we occasionaly got his mail which has been this, and we have seen him sitting looking at this with it hidden in his newspaper).

As a bloke to speak to he is increadibly interesting and knowledgeable but you don’t want to get too close as he smells a bit.
From the discussions with him we know he owns a load of propertys scattered about the country including one or two very large ruined castles.
I miss chatting with him and the next time I see him I’ll make sure he knows where we moved to so he can pop round.

mikeconnor +1

Some of these are funny though.

Used to be a guy who hung around the train station at Dalreoch (Dumbarton) in Scotland.

Would always hold exactly the same conversation (complete with stammer):

B-b-b-b-b-b-Billy McNeil! Billy McNeil! He was big-big man!
Billy-billy-Billy McNeil! Great, big, big man!
How about you son, you’re a big man yersel! What are ye, six fit four?
Billy-Billy McNeil! Billy – Clint Eastwood! Clint Eastwood and Clark Gable!
Big-big-men!

There’s a difference between eccentricity and a mental illness.

In the case of my example, he’s damaged after battering a ton of drugs

You’re right Mike. We’re all just so brain-washed, narrow minded, and lacking in imagination, aren’t we?

All the people who have different opinions to you?

There couldn’t be any other possible explanation? Could there….?

You’re acting rather defensivley. Care to explain why?

Notice how i’ve not actually attacked anyone for their comments, just posted my own thoughts on the matter. Seems that you’re the one who has a problem with people with opinions different to your own, judging by the attempt at ad hominem you regularly throw in my direction.

As I’ve said; if you’d like to know more, to develop a better understanding of such issues, email me. I’d be only too happy to help out.

As for ‘characters’; London has many. Like the guy who does announcements on the DLR, who has a distinctive style which always raises a smile from commuters. He manages to inject humour into even the most mundane announcements. Makes the journey that little bit more pleasant. To peopple like that. I offer my thanks.

There’s a difference between eccentricity and a mental illness.

This.

My housemate wasn’t mentally ill, he was just different.

This is a thread to celebrate those who add colour to our lives 🙂

Like the guy who does announcements on the DLR, who has a distinctive style which always raises a smile from commuters.

Always used to be able to tell that the Maryhill train had a certain guard onboard, as the destination said “Blackpool Pleasure Beach” 🙂

messiah are yours Nobeerinthefridge the same guy ?

According to this (click) joe smith is from the isle of barra too.

There’s a difference between eccentricity and a mental illness.

Sure, and in the case of the guy at Dalreoch, he’s an alcoholic. But while many people with such an affliction are deeply unpleasant to be around, this guy always brought a smile to my face. You could happily carry on the conversation with him (within it’s somewhat limited bounds).

e.g. “What about Richard Gough”?

“Oh aye, HUGE man! Big, big man!”