Real time bulls–t bingo

On a call with a business in the USA.

They’ve already used some gems, including:

“Some information we’d like to double click on”

Give me some to use in return..!

Verbalise your ideations.

Overheard in the US this week. I’m on day four of it. My head hurts.

“Socialise our thoughts” was one thrown into a meeting by a sales person, sorry Business Development Manager, last week.

Oh and a lot of people seem to be “reaching out” rather than trying to get in touch these days.

Throw a bit of ‘ideation’ in there. It’s a combination of ideas and creation.

Have you used ‘synergies’ yet?

Bonus points if you can suggest you reach around a colleague.

A rep once unwittingly got ‘tromboning’ into a pitch once. Go for that.

That and ‘ringfence the unicorn’ obviously

We had “overflow of Capacity” the other day….
……we’re a little busy… 🙄

I had an interview a few weeks ago for a sales role. I suspect being an engineer my answers along the lines of “don’t you just phone them?” didn’t quite have the same gravitas as “I’d reach out to the consumers”.

Oh and a lot of people seem to be “reaching out” rather than trying to get in touch these days.

Do we still say that?

I must be well out of touch. I’m still “brofisting my dawgs” 😉

perchypanther – Member

I must be well out of touch. I’m still “brofisting my dawgs”

Cat’s surely?

Ideation

I saw this on our intranet the other day, couldn’t believe it was a real word.

Apparently it means the formation of ideas or concepts and has been around for ages…

Just used odds and sods.

Silence from the other end. Except for the British ex pat who sniggered….

have just socialised and verbalised.

Cat’s surely?

Cats, Dawgs, whatever.

I’m an Equal Opportunities fister.

We had one last and emphasised “double click”..!

Thanks all. Back to boring telecoms jargon now….

Suggestions for any other quinissentially british phrases to silence the yanks anyone? Lets see how many Ourmanintehnorth can get in!

Contrafibularities.

GO!

Our office has a list of the that get ticked off over the course of the day. Use and abuse at your leisure:

??? piece (context, “we’re doing a lot of work on the data migration piece”)
Bayonet the dead
Best in breed
Break through the clutter
Calibrate expectations
Class leading
Close the loop
Customer centric
Disruptive innovation
Elevator pitch
Fulfilment issues
Have a V2V
Herding cats
High order thinking
It is what it is
Just doing my job
Let’s not try and boil the ocean
Leverage
Low hanging fruit
Mission critical
Money maker
Par for the course
Paradigm shift
Quick and dirty
Sometimes you have to shoot the puppy
Synergy
Thought leadership
Value add

You can also generate your own completely fake phrases here:
http://www.acronymfinder.com/buzzgen.asp

up the odds a bit. See how many song titles you can get in.

A few you might try:

“Let’s go round again”
“Don’t leave me this way”
“yellow submarine”
“Raspberry beret”

Rich.

Sometimes you have to shoot the puppy

😆

How about going with something only a (few) brits would get?

“It is all heading up Garburn Pass”
or
“It’s a bit like swimming with Nessie”

See how many song titles you can get in.

Did that in a speaking slot at a conference in Vegas a couple of years ago. Told colleagues I’d be doing so beforehand. Poor things were at the back of the hall in tears by the end!

Elevator pitch

I quite like elevator pitch tbh, it’s nice and descriptive, and a real thing not just some newspeak bollocks.

We use “helicopter parenting” a lot at work. It’s a really useful term but a part of me dies every time.

Bonus and double word score if you manage to slip then a quick and dirty

Cockwomble

Alas call reached its natural conclusion (I wasn’t listening) before I had a chance to fully British it up.

I did have a thought at what the chaps on the other side might have thought when trying to decipher our accents: west indian, yorkshire, laaandaan and me (moderately RP).

hilarious how comically macho some of these terms are!

bayonetting the dead, mission critical, shooting puppies – it’s all very Mike from Spaced…

“We are a class leading, customer centric provider who offer best in breed solutions. We don’t go after the low hanging fruit or offer quick and dirty solutions, the way we work is a paradigm shift from the usual migration piece. We can break through the clutter and leverage your fulfillment issues, offering thought leadership on your mission critical systems. But, before I give you my elevator pitch, lets have a further V2V and I can explain our value add.”

^Genius^

lunge – Member

lets have a further V2V

“What a coincidence! That’s my favourite sort of porn too! We should definitely do business together”

Northwind, would you like me to show you my money maker? If so, you realise it will be a quick dirty solution?

Just used odds and sods.

Excellent. I used “dropped a bollock” with a bunch of Americans once. They were bemused.

Oh and a lot of people seem to be “reaching out” rather than trying to get in touch these days.

You could try a reach around instead?

It’s very disruptive.

Are you using a cascadation matrix?

let’s stop and count our bullets (surely a winner in the states)

shrink the denominator

pebbledashing the bowl

Most businesses are on the road to BI nirvana…

lunge,

are you my bid writer..? 😆

I heard ‘It’s like trying to heard geckos’ the other day.

A nice variation if nothing else.

‘Re-inventing’ seems to be à la mode right now. Is it just me or is it a self-contained paradox? You either invent something (i.e. create something new) or adapt something. How can you re-invent something?

How can you re-invent something?

You need to orbificate the delta.

My OH just told me that she’s off on business in July but I should know that already as she had put a ‘placemat’ in the diary. I had no words…

Ah, the ‘ol ‘coaster in the calendar’