I am losing my father

My dad, whom I have mentioned on here before (in the recent ‘handyman’ thread), had surgery to remove a malignant tumour in his bile duct last March. That bought him another year of life, and there had been hope for awhile that it had not metastasised. Alas, we were wrong.

His liver is covered in spots, and he has just been told he has a few weeks to live.

There are no words to describe how much he will be missed. 😥

That’s shit dude. 😥

🙁

I’m really sorry to hear such sad news. Thinking of you.

that’s crap, sorry to hear it. lost my B-I-L last September to Pancreatic Cancer, it’s horrible

I’m sorry fella.

I’m properly attached to my Dad and have nothing to offer other that my sympathy & thoughts. 🙁

🙁

Terrible thing for you to go through SaxonRider. I’ve been through the extended illness of my dad and it was hard. There can still be positives over the next few weeks. You have time to talk, share and be together. Being there for my dad at the end of his life and sharing it with him was a tremendous privilege.

About this time last year my mum went into hospital.
She didn’t come out…she had cancer.
I know exactly how you feel.
1st anniversary looming large…still feels like a bad dream.

Cherish the time you have left

Been there & can’t even think of what to say except be there for him & try to make him smile. 🙁

(Even that sounds rubbish)

Here’s a tip though, talk to him, a lot. Ask millions of questions, get loads of answers (if he’s up to it)
There’s so many questions I wish I’d asked my Dad about his life & our family that there’s a massive void hanging around me which I can’t fill.

Been there and it’s **** horrible. I hope that you will find as I did, that your and your father’s last days, weeks and months together will provide some of the happiest and most enduring memories.

Tough times ahead SaxonRider and my thoughts are with you.

My mum was similar to your dad, a year in remission then cancer came back, decided against prolonging the agony with more chemo. She lasted a couple of months.

Dont feel guilty for feeling some relief when your dad goes, it was a very difficult few months for us all and we were glad when it was over. Email me if you want to chat.

Sorry to hear it 🙁

Lost mine quickly, and in front of me,which, although hard, can’t be anywhere near as hard as knowing he’s on his way out.
Thoughts are with you buddy..

Spend time with him while he is still with you.

Sorry to hear about the bad news.

I remember saying goodbye to my Dad knowing that he would be dead before I could come back to see him again.
sorry for your sorrow Saxonrider.

I lost mine about 20 years ago so long I can’t even recall the date but I started welling up just reading the thread title . I feel so sorry for you. It will be very shit but it will change and become easier to deal with .

Let him be remembered more than he is missed.

I hope that isn’t too simple, but it has worked for me when I’ve lost people.

My dad died very suddenly on holiday, that was 13 years ago, it was a huge shock but far rather be went the way he did than go through what my mum did. Time to prepare I guess but there’s nothing prepares you for the second you watch your mum draw her last breath

Hi SaxonRider

Everyday i look at this site buy very rarely post anything.

I can only offer my thoughts to you and your family during this sad time.

I lost my father nearly 3 years ago to exactly the same cancer. 18 months before he died he had 75% of his liver and bile duct removed. He recovered well from this Op and told that all the cancer had gone.

10 months later the tumor returned. This was August 18th 2012. I got a call from my dad. He was in tears telling me that there was nothing the doctors could do and that he was being taken to a hospice.

I drove so fast from the Dales to London and managed to go with him in the Ambulance to the hospice. We had a good chat on the way and managed to spend some time talking and laughing.

I lost him on August 26th 2012 (at 07:26am). He was at peace, and the staff at the hospice were fantastic.

I don’t know what else to say other than share what i have been through with you in some way. It would have to be the most horrible time of my life and to be honest i don’t really think i’m over it. You never forget what you have been through, you just get used to living with it.

I remember feeling guilty about 3 days before he died. I’m not a religious person but i was praying for today to be the day he slipped away.

I can offer you advice on what to do and what to say. I won’t as I’m sure this will just come natural to you.

Take care of yourself and my thoughts are with you.

Bullfrog (aka Dave)

Been there, talk to him get him to plan his funneral, hymms,and prayers, church, crematorium or grave etc,flowers cards , funneral cars etc its difficult, but my dad planned it all out with me and the undertaker, even paid up front, so unreal, walked out after id said goodbye, ,he hhadnt died then, and just cried at what we had planned.

Oldeer people know theyre going to die and a lot have seen many of their freinds die, so they know what to expect, its just tough on the family.

Oh and take a few family pictuires to keep the memories alive and best wishes at this traumatic time.

Thoughts with you, saxonrider.

Best wishes mate.

Make sure he knows how much he is loved

Lost my father to cancer when I was 2. Losing my dad to cancer now. Its shit.

Peace go with you and yours. Heavy times will pass with sweet memories but now you must spend some good time together and laugh, cry, and just *be*. Strength to you vibes aplenty.

Dude it’s horrible, I lost my Dad 4 years ago today to cancer.

It gets a bit easier if that helps. I don’t think of him with the illness (it was quite short in my Dad’s case). I just think of the good stuff we did together 🙂

One piece of advice which I wish I had taken, don’t try and be everyone’s rock, it’s hard not to; but you need to grieve as well.

I really don’t know what else to say apart from I’m gutted for you mate.

So sorry to hear that, be there as much as can and try to enjoy the time you have and say all those things you each need to, try to laugh and remember the good times and do your best to bring happiness to what time you have. She’ll be scared no doubt and will just want to be with the ones she loves.

I Lost my step dad of many years a few years ago and I’m so glad we had those few weeks to say all of those unsaid things. I didn’t realise how close I was and how much I cared about him until then. She’ll know I’m sure but say it and anything else that’s in your head.

I’m guessing you have a great dad? I’m sorry that you’re losing him, but also glad for you that you’ve had him. All the best.

Lost my dad to cancer, took some time off work when he was in last 2 months , and spent loads of time with him, really glad I did that.
Try no to focus on the cancer, spend some quality time if he is up to it, just chatting, comforting him , it really has comforted me since he died.
Shit times ahead, but plenty of time to cry when he’s gone
Good luck

Sorry to hear that, my mum’s currently undergoing chemo so know how it feels 🙁

Arse, spend time with him. Not much more I can say, MAN HUG.

hate threads like these. 🙁 Hugs and kisses to you SaxonRider, I know it happens to every one eventually, but I honestly don’t know how I’d manage knowing something like this

XX

Here’s a tip though, talk to him, a lot. Ask millions of questions, get loads of answers (if he’s up to it)
There’s so many questions I wish I’d asked my Dad about his life & our family that there’s a massive void hanging around me which I can’t fill.

This.

Spend as much time with him as possible.

My father died 12 years ago and I miss him everyday.

Big hugs bunnyhop x

sorry to hear hear that. My dad died from liver cancer. It’s a bugger.

It’s a tough gig,even tougher if you are a Dad yourself,but it does get easier.
All the best.

Really sorry to hear that, I’ve got nothing useful to say I’m afraid, but I think I better give my dad a hug, even though he’s a baft old dugger.

On the 19th it’ll be 12 months since I sat by my dads hospital bed and asked him if he’d had enough.He could only nod. I asked the nurse to get all the shit (wires n stuff) off his chest. Mother and brother turned up, we made him comfortable and let him go. Before they got there I thanked him and told him I loved him. Talk to him as much as you can. Time is precious. Gotta go and get a tissue now. Take care.

So sorry to hear your news.

I lost my dad 2 years ago last week to stomach cancer. We lived 180 miles apart and I tried to visit him most weekends towards the end of his time. I now wish I’d taken some leave from work and spent more time with him to ask for answers to all these questions that I now have.

Please don’t waste what time you have left. Enjoys the moments, go for a walk, look at old photos. Ask about his childhood, his first girlfriend and most important of all just accept the inevitable and try to put it to one side.

Chin up and be as merry as you can, there will be time for the other emotions later.

Best wishes SR – went through it 18 months ago and have my mum in hospital now. My only tip (FWIW) don’t leave anything unsaid….

Oh and remind hospital staff not to refer to patients in the third person. They can hear…..

am very sorry to hear that.

my best wishes to your father and you.