It’s huge, incredibly fast and impossible to sneak up on. At the moment it’s hiding behind the curtains in the bedroom and if I leave it it’s either going to fall in my mouth while I’m snoring or drag me out of bed and beat me up.

Flame thrower?

Do you know any old women?

vacuum cleaner

Just squish it.

Apparently the big ones just eat the smaller spiders, which are the ones that do the good, fly-eradicating work, so you’re actually perfectly justified in stomping the big buggers. That’s what I tell myself anyway, after I got bored of faffing about humanely relocating billions of huge great house spiders cos my wife is scared of them.

You could just leave it be, of course, that’s even easier.

Swallow a bird.

Close you mouth after it falls in. Job done!

It’s the ones you haven’t seen you need to be worried about.

[/quote]Just squish it.

I can’t get anywhere near it. It’s the Usain Bolt of the arachnid world.

It’s the ones you haven’t seen you need to be worried about.

Ghost spiders?

….or mutant dog spiders?

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YoB8t0B4jx4[/video]

[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQzb4_n34gU[/video]

For the larger/faster spider I favour the plastic sandwich box/flat piece of cereal box manoeuvre (a souped up version of the glass/envelope move)
or just leave it (there’s one the size of a st bernard currently galloping round the kitchen here)

There may be some collateral damage.

I think a dustbin might be needed.

I think Enormous Turbocharged Spider Month might be just starting here, evicted a couple earlier today. I recommend sealing yourself up in plastic as a preventative measure. Don’t leave any breathing holes or they’ll climb right in.

Thanks for all your suggestions. I think I’ll sleep in the car.

Eeeew ^^^^^ just wrong. The

I currently have 5 huge wolf spiders in my living room at the moment, there was 6 but last night i had to remove the largest one and place it outside as it was making too much noise. I was reading a book and all i could hear was “pitter…pitter…pitter….pitter” as it ran back and forward across the bare floorboards intimidating the other spiders who hide in the corners and the constant noise was distracting/annoying me so i managed to catch her which was easy as she just sat on her haunches and waved her legs in a threatening fashion when i approached her. I imagine she’s still outside and the squeals i heard from from my neighbours cats hopefully mean she’s making friends, she was rather large as her legs stretched from one side of my palm to the other and her thorax was larger than the nail on my small finger – very visible fangs as well.

I like spiders btw, not bothered by them scurrying about as they tend to stick to their territorial patch in the house, only been bitten once by a spider in this country.

My 18month old is very talented at squishing them just enough so they drag two smashed legs just behind them. I could send him round if you like.

Admit defeat and move house.

I have been known to usher a huge harvest spider under my sofa before the Wife saw it, to avoid the inevitable request to evict it.

Jamie my sides are splitting! thank you for posting that.

Launch a pillow at it. That’s how I killed dazed a spider earlier this evening.

Crazy string..

That is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in ages Jamie

It’s the ones you haven’t seen you need to be worried about.

No you don’t – you’ve already sleep eaten those

I’ve got a few around the house. Big one in the cupboard I call Horace who only comes out in the evening.

I like them. Don’t do me any harm.

50.cal

Are you still alive OP?

The OPs house pictured this morning:

Wife and kids somewhat unimpressed:

😉

If you get freaked out by it just look at this photo and be thankful you live in the UK.

S/he is not quite adult yet but certainly eats a lot. Quite loud when flexing its legs too.
It is a T.apophysis if anyone was wondering. Native to Venezuela.

Is that rule close to the camera, or is the spider far away?

And are they inches or centimetres?

Get some receptacle that doesn’t let light in. They wanna escape into some dark crevice. Then just disturb her and she’ll escape into it. Job done, no need to kill innocent creatures.

They are centimetres and s/he is stood next to the ruler. Quite a thing of beauty if you get a chance to see one up close. They do have terrible hairs though and can cause quite a lot of irritation, so be careful.

For the large beast something like this might be needed…

Was looking after a friends red kneed tarantula a few years ago. Spent ages just waiting for her to move. Amazing creatures. Felt a bit sorry for the crickets though

Quite a thing of beauty if you get a chance to see one up close.

I’m sure, I like spiders, just trying, and failing, to pull off the Father Ted joke.

Still no response from the OP, I have a slightly used squirrel trap if you need it.