Tongue in cheek really as he’s a good friend and I’m not really arsed but when we go out cycling he’s too slow. I’m like a coiled spring usaully and like to go off like a shot as soon as we start, he likes to break in gently and falls into pootling speed all too easily. For me I have to push all the time, not like balls out dancing on the pedals for the whole ride but pootling down a slight decline is frustrating coz I could be spanking it down. All to often I find myself waiting/track standing/cycling in circles/practising bunny hops from flat/cycling back for him.
I know he’s capable of more as he has demonstrated many times but chooses to pootle. Sometimes I say/shout at him ‘Turn those pedals’ ‘ok let’s pick it up a bit’ ‘faster FASTER!’ ‘Go go GO’ and other times when we’re stopped I’ll ask ‘you go as fast as you can all the time and I’ll match you’ but he’ll drop back into pootling speed again.
So what can I do?

Don’t say go and ride with a group coz I’ve done that a fair few times and the amount of faff is unbelievable.

oi you fat toss pot, move your ar$e.. generally works, or sitting behind buzzing the tyres making stupid noises…

Cattle prod!

Stop mid ride to check his brakes to see if they’re dragging?

Rip the p1ss out of him if he’s a good mate.

Ride off and leave him.

Tell him you had sexual intercourse with his other half and cycle off quickly?

cattle prod

Shout “strava segment” then hammer off. It seems to be what most people are doing round our way atm

Piss taking is the way it usually goes in our group.

Get a bell, and sit on his back wheel ringing it and shouting “come on, grandad!”

It’s what I do to my mate, anyway 🙂

relentless piss taking.

employ randoms in VW Golfs to slap him at random points on the ride if he’d going too slow/stopped?

I’m an orrible **** so I just tell people “****’s sake, hurry up or we’ll never get round”. Or on more than one occasion “Yeah, I’m going to do ride X, you’re welcome to come as long as you don’t ride round it at 2mph, you slow bastard”

You nice people really undervalue the usefulness of an orrible ****.

Ride behind him panting and barking at him.

Worked for me, until someone who knew me crashed because he was laughing too hard at the panting, barking bearded loon on his back wheel.

ride on your own?

1) Get long length of bungy cord
2) tie between your seat post and his stem
3) cycle off like loon
4) he’ll catch up in a bit………

😉

(or maybe safer, get a tandem??)

soobalias – Member
ride on your own?

I say dear fellow steady on…

ride a rigid 26er with crap brakes when you’re riding with him.

it’ll slow you down a bit, AND make it more interesting.

Dump him.

Go ride with someone else who maybe thinks you are a bit slow and lazy.

I can’t believe no one on the forum has had a go at you for being a little bit of a prima ballerina who can’t show some consideration for a ‘friend’ that is up for a social ride. Had it occurred to you he is riding gently because he knows it irritates you.

lol@wwaswas, good spot mate. To be fair my mate brad is a well built fella and the punch did nothing to his speed.

@shortcut, did you miss this bit of my op?

Tongue in cheek really as he’s a good friend and I’m not really arsed

I know he’s capable of more as he has demonstrated many times but chooses to pootle

Maybe he doesn’t really want to ride with you or enjoys seeing you all wound up?
If he’s a real mate you wouldn’t be bothered.

In the group I occasionally ride with the resident axe-murder rides a single-speed to slow himself down. Works a treat.

Make it a competition…last one round buys the pints.

I’m with your mate nowt wrong with pootling and taking in the scenery, he probably sees you getting all twitchy so pootles all the more. Just ride off if your bored with hanging about if he wants to ride with you its up to him to speed up. If I get bored I ride off and then wait if I fancy a snack.

He is obviously not as awesumz as you is.

Perhaps he likes looking at your bottom…………….

Asking if his brakes are stuck on might be an idea? 😉

I’m normally the one at the back by a country mile and it’s not much fun by yourself. I’m trying to get fitter but I lost a lot of time and all my confidence when I smashed my wrist.

I’ll get there one day.

Have you tried going for a ride beforehand?

“It’s not you, it’s me.”

http://www.yehudamoon.com/comics/2012-03-28.gif

2nd set of wheels with Wet Screams fitted?

Are you racing?
Are you in training for a race?
Is he?
If not – what’s the hurry?

^^this^^

we hava to get back before the sun comes up!