You know you're a proper mountain biker when……………..

You have non-native plants growing in the corner of the garden where you hose the bike down.

You have a semi-permanent chainring tattoo on right calf

Your shins are 90% scar tissue

When out on a walk, you can identify tyre tracks by manufacturer and model

When you are on a plane journey you spend your time looking out the window trying to spot trails

You have a conversation about geometry with a colleague who has no interest in what your talking about. You realise this and change the topic to shock compression.

DT78 – seek help for your spreadsheet addiction.

You see an attractive member of the opposite sex on a bike and realise you’re trying to work out what tyres they’re using 😳

You have spares for your spares just in case

You are really excited when the Wife purchases a set of digital kitchen scales.

When buying a new bike your (non biking) friends ask “Have you not already got a bike?

You have PA insurance…

If your personal assistant needs insurance you’re riding her too rigorously! 🙄

You see an attractive member of the opposite sex on a bike and realise you’re trying to work out what tyres they’re using

or your SO has a go at you for eying them up when you truthfully _are_ trying to work out what tyres

… when you see a tyre track on a local footpath and can guess who left it based on their tyre choice and line.

… when, faced with the challenge “I don’t know which you love most – me or your bike!”, your response is “which bike?”

your life is dated by the bike you owned.

“well i was riding the inbred back then so 2008”

You see an attractive member of the opposite sex on a bike and realise you’re trying to work out what tyres they’re using

Nonono

You are trying to work out what tyes/bike/suspension is on a bike and realise it’s ridden by an attractive member of the opposite sex.
Fortunately your partner/SO/wife/hubby realises you were looking at the bike.

Er.. You regualry ride a mountain bike off road?
by regularly I mean spending more time riding it than reading/typing shit about it online..

It comes time to change car, and after looking at several cars and thinging how well will the bike fit in there, decide that’s it I’m buying a van.

Oooh look there appears to a shiny white kang”ar”oo on my drive now and no bmw, that’s better 🙂

You dread opening your emails and seeing offers for more shiny bike bits and realizing the bank account is in negative shiny coins 🙁

You are trying to work out what tyes/bike/suspension is on a bike and realise it’s ridden by an attractive member of the opposite sex.
Fortunately your partner/SO/wife/hubby realises you were looking at the bike.

Funnily enough my wife commented about this the other week or rather she said “I don’t have to worry about you looking at another woman unless she’s on a nice bike” 😳

When I was single my bikes had their own room downstairs. 8)

I’ve got one more…

Spillage of the green Finish Line in your rucksack/hydration pack is not a catastrophe. It just means that your jam sandwiches will have a nice, classic scent on top. 🙄

You have more pairs of biking shoes than any other type.

The cost of some of those shoes is 5x the max permissible spend on non biking shoes.

You plan your family holidays around MTB races/events.

Your children are able to tell which parcels arriving at your house are likely to contain haribo.

You smell slightly of GT85.
You can talk for hours about ” Bonking”
You are the only middle aged man proud of shin scars. 😀

Your significant (and now heavily pregnant) other half cannot fit into the sun room as there are 6 bikes in it. She will naturally fail to see the funny side of the situation, When you say “It’ll be fine when you slim down again”.
Bike breakdown for those interested 1:hers 2:the boys 3:mine, all mine.

You have been condescending about anothers riding…

Your children are able to tell which parcels arriving at your house are likely to contain haribo.

Yep, my 20month old has now learnt that the boxes with the orange bottom (Wiggle) contain sweets!

You spend almost as much time rinsing the shower down* after a ride as you do cleaning the bike.

*This is just stop the UN/Relate getting involved in negotiations after you get home a couple of hours late after “Popping out for a quick spin”

A ride always end with cake!

You ride mountain bikes and think it’s fun.

You spend almost TWICE as much time rinsing the shower down* after a ride as you do cleaning the bike.

Ftfy

When you stop worrying about your gear and just ride it…. When your colleague who thinks he’s an mtber waffles on about some new bike or other and you don’t listen…

3 or more times a week, your bath looks like this:

You know your’e a proper mountain biker when

You have evidence?

001 (2) by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

006 (2) by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr
Chamonix by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

012 by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

Torridon 2013 022 by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

Camban trip, Sept 2014 027 by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

Reeth Feb 2013. by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

039 by jimmyg352[/url], on Flickr

Your landscape photographs always have a bike in them.

When you are on a plane journey you spend your time looking out the window trying to spot trails

and this

Your landscape photographs always have a bike in them

Your wife doesn’t mind you turning your head to watch as girls go past on bikes. She knows you’re looking at the bike.

You have glove tan lines, chain ring scars and pedal-scraped shins.

Summer is a blonde lady.

You’re not bothered about the black section in your camelbak tube

I’m genuinely puzzled about this:

Onzadog – Member

You can tell 15 different types of animal poo apart.

Why?

You can tell 15 different types of animal poo apart.

By taste alone.

Summer is a blonde lady.

This.

Driving anywhere new both heads in the car turn to look up a track going past and you simultaneously mutter “you could ride that”.

You start taking detours whilst driving to investigate paths and tracks you have seen on a map, heard about or just think might be there.

Your wife doesn’t mind you turning your head to watch as girls go past on bikes. She knows you’re looking at the bike….

Plus

You’re not bothered about the black section in your camelbak tube

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