You can’t beat a good Dad joke…

My son showed this morning that you can ask “Alexa, tell me a Dad joke”.   It’s going to be a fun weekend in Kryton Towers  🫤

scruff9252

Full Member

How do you get 4 elephants in a mini? 2 in the front & 2 in the back.

How do you get two whales in a mini?

Down the M4.

How do you get two giraffes in a mini?

Open the sunroof.

How do you get two rhinos in a mini?

You can’t, it’s full of elephants and giraffes.

What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburnt penguin / An embarrassed zebra / A newspaper / (any more?)

What’s green and red and goes round and round very fast?
A frog in a blender.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re really good at it. 

Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his best friend and a giant mixing bowl?

They’re both Cauldron. 

(any more?)

A sunburnt Nun.

What’s black and white and goes round and round screaming?

A Nun on a rotisserie.

At the Olympics I saw a man carrying a long stick and asked him “are you a pole vaulter?”

He said “Nein I am German, but how did you know my name was Walter?”

My wife is Spanish.
When her parents come over, I like to use drop in the odd word like mucho.
I think it means a lot to them.

Did you hear about the farmer that won a Nobel prize?
He was out standing in his field…

(IANAD).

What sits on the seabed with anxiety?

A nervous wreck

Son: Dad, make me a sandwich.

Dad: You are now a sandwich!

A tanker carrying red paint has collided with a tanker carrying blue paint.

Over 500 sailors have been marooned.

I was with my wife the other day looking in a shop window. I pointed at something and said “that’s the one I’d get”

Next thing you know a cyclops is beating me up

I asked my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but she didn’t show up.

That’s when I knew that we weren’t going to work out.

We were down the marina yesterday, and I said to the kids “i don’t think the captain is happy the the back of his ship”
“Why?” They asked
“Because hes giving it a stern look”  i replied.

I was so delighted i gave myself a high five.

I humble submit to you my own contribution to the genre…

https://i.imgur.com/isJLTSS.png

Just need a kid now I reckon.

What’s the biggest drawback in the jungle?

an elephant’s foreskin

Did you hear about the scarecrow that won the Nobel Prize?

He was outstanding in his field

“I went for a drink the other night with a girl from a North Wales university city”

* “Bangor?”

“Nah, we just had a couple of drinks and went our separate ways”…

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the toilet?

Because the p is silent

(Monty Python Iirc)

I suspect a lot of crossover with the crap joke thread here. 🙂

I’m seeing quite a lot lifted from the ‘We Got The Chocolates’ podcast.

Difficult to define a dad joke. I understand it to be a joke suitable for small kids, preferably one which will also cause them embarrassment if their dad tells it while their friends are present. Not sure this qualifies:

What do you call a baby in a pile of leaves?

Russell.

What do you call a man having a nap by the back door?

Mat. 

Two cows in a field. One says “moo”. The other says “I was gonna say that”

What kind of monkey goes bang? BABOOOOOOON!!!

If two vegans argue, is it still called beef?

I got a box of six cricket balls for my birthday yesterday.

Bowled over

I bumped into an old friend yesterday who I hadn’t seen for ages. He told me he’d been away in the far East prospecting for gold.

“Japan?” I asked

“Oh no” he replied, “I used much more modern techniques”

what do you get if you cross an elephant & a hosepipe?

A jumbo jet

What do you call a lady married to a hippie

Mississippi

IGMC

Albert Einstein was a genius.
But his brother Frank was a monster.

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Aye Matey.

I’m a good dad.

This morning my 5yo threw his head back and said “Aargh, stop making jokes! How many times have I told you? 100!”

🤣

After fighting with her sister, the cat was sitting paws tucked in (like a furry chicken), all defeated. As she sprang back into the fray she was once again un-defeeted!

I get clobbered for such as these, but I ain’t stopping.

Why should you not fart in a lift….?

It’s wrong on so many levels….

Some good dad jokes on this…

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl when it goes to the toilet?

Because the p is silent

I am told that Michelle Pfeifer also has a silent P

Whats a Pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?

No, their true love will always be the “C”

What do you call a magician who’s lost his magic? Ian.

The local scout group asked me to fix the horn on their minibus.

Beep repaired. 😑

My daughter turned up with this the other day for me.

What do you call an old Snowman?

A glass of water….