Yorkshire joke

How do you make a Yorkshire omelette? Fist nick three eggs……………

omelettes? we don't have none of that fancy stuff up 'ere, tha noz

What do you call a pie on top of Barnsley town hall clock?

something ta eight

(funny in south yorkshire apparently) 🙂

Do you have to live in Yorkshire to get this?

Who's 'Nick Three Eggs' and why do you have to fist him to make an omelette?

There weren't any paedophiles when I was a lad, you had to buy your own sweets.

(Courtesy of Michael Mcintyre)

ROFLMAO @ grumm

+1 with the LOL at Grumm 🙂

Better than the OP 🙂

Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."
Vet: "Is it a tom?"
Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

A Yorkshiremans dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

What do you call a sarky cowboy from Barnsley?

Tex Piss

A Bradford couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'

A Yorkshiremans' wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.

He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.

When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes – fooking 'ell man, you've left the fooking "e" out, you've left the fooking "e" out!

The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason – "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".

The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud –

"E, she were thin".

As I used to say to a friend from York who sadly passed away a few years ago:

You can tell a Yorkshireman, but you can't tell him much!

I work in Barnsley and the word "eat" most definitely is pronounced "eight"

How are you pronouncing eight though?

ate?

eyt?

It's a play on words – "eat" is pronounced "ate". So "something to eight" refers both to the time and the eating of the pie. Probably…… 🙂

Bloke from Barnsley with a sore arseh0le asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, magnum or cornetto?"

LOL, please keep them coming!

Big 😆 at the arse cream joke

I Thank you,
At work we just got taken over by a Barnsley company, they all talk funny at the new Head Office (but very quaint). This is the joke being banded around by text (and I'm from North Yorkshire, nowhere near round there, it's another language/dialect, even to me).
The MD has a very strong Barnsley accent, it's difficult to take him seriously.
What the bloody 'ell are you going on about?

Its funny cos its true!

Here's a classic one
Yorkshire Airlines

Been in YKS for ten years, its 'rayte' good

its so good even the bloke lancashire loves it

not being funny but has no-one bothered with the spelling mistake. i seem to think fisting happens darn sarf.

Post 5 – Grumm kindly pointed out the fisting. 🙂

HAhahaha at Grumms first post, very good, well done sir 🙂

I'm from yorkshire, lived in yorkshire all my life, have met some very strong accented folk, but never, ever in my time speaking to yorkshire people have i ever heard them utter the famous " t' " at the start of any words.

it just doesn't happen!

Really pook? You've never heard someone say "I'm just off to t'shop" or something like that?!

As Clarkson once said – it is more inferred than said (ie someone from Yorkshire couldn't say the band name 'The The' as it would just come out as a twitch).

But it IS alive and well – you clearly just haven't noticed it.

woody2000 – Member

Really pook? You've never heard someone say "I'm just off to t'shop" or something like that?!

ah yes – quite right. But never "it's in t'oven" when not arsing about.

It's a glottal stop, there's no T sound.

Surely Pook, you must have heard someone say
"I'll just put us tea in in t'oven"?

no, it's effectively in _oven. No T anunciated!

There is a sound though, but not distinctly a 'T'.

Wharrabout "in't th'oven"? 🙂

A Yorkshireman would never "I'm just of to t'shop" cause their all to tight to spend any money. The "T" thing is Lancashire.
Though once in a pub I did here a chap give the Yorkshire war cry when told the price of a pint "Ow much".

translate these then!
1. Intitot

2. Guizit

3. Summatsupeer

4. Gerritetten

5. Gerartnit

6. Supwidee

7. Smarrerweeim

8. Iampgorrit

9. Azeegeniter

10. Geeit mester

11. Eez gooinooam

12. Astha gorrit reight

13. Isthemum

14. Ast gorrit withy

15. Purrimineer

16. Ayampt eared nowt

17. Thalafta gerra newun

18. Eeesezazitintis – burraberritiz

19. Lerrus gerrus andswesht

20. Sumonemz gorragerroff

21. Weev gorra gerrus imbux

22. Thamus gerrit lernt

23. Shutthigob

24. Owzeeno

25. Aberritinterz

26. Eez nobutta babbi

27. Asta seenim ont telli

28. Nardendee wotardoooin

29. Corforus apostate itmornin

30. Lerrus gurrat pizchers

31. Astagorratenna

32. Eeenose nowt abartit

33. Eez gunna gerra lotta lolli forrit

34. Lerra gerontbus

35. Eedursnt purrizead undert watta

36. Eesezeantaddit

37. Oowurreewee – wuree weeizsen

38. Ateldim burreewunt lissen

39. Lerim purrizaton

40. Astle clowt thi if that dunt gioer

41. Tintintin

42. Gerarry tergithi and weeit

43. Eez gorriz attooam

44. Thawansta wesh thi eeroils aht

45. Middadz gorrajag

46. Thakkan ifthawannts

47. Tantad nowt dunnatit as I nose on

48. Cantha kumtowerowse tunneet

49. Weerz gaffa

Apparently there's a new kind of chewable ecstacy in Sheffield. It's called 'e by gum'.

translate these then!
1. Intitot=my that is extremely warm

2. Guizit= please give me it here good fellow.

3. Summatsupeer=one is thinking something is amiss.

4. Gerritetten=please eat it

5. Gerartnit=oh do please go away

6. Supwidee= (I'm assuming this is spelt wrong)=what seems to be the matter dear chap

7. Smarrerweeim=what appears to be the trouble with yonder chap

8. Iampgorrit=I'm afraid I don't have it dear fellow

9. Azeegeniter=Did that fellow give it to her

10. Geeit mester=give it the kind gent

11. Eez gooinooam=the chap is making his way to his abode

12. Astha gorrit reight=are you sure that you are correct dear fellow

13. Isthemum=It is your mother

14. Ast gorrit withy=do you have it about you person dear fellow

15. Purrimineer=put him in here

16. Ayampt eared nowt=I'm afraid I have not heard anything

17. Thalafta gerra newun=I'm afraid you'll have to replace it

18. Eeesezazitintis – burraberritiz=he denies it is his property but I am thinking to the contrary

19. Lerrus gerrus andswesht=one would like to immerse ones hands in water

20. Sumonemz gorragerroff=a select few chaps will have to alight/leave

21. Weev gorra gerrus imbux=we church going few need our pages of hymnal lyrics

22. Thamus gerrit lernt=one must be able to know it off by heart

23. Shutthigob=do please be quiet and stop speaking

24. Owzeeno=how does that chap have the knowledge

25. Aberritinterz=I am assuming that it does not belong to that dear lady

26. Eez nobutta babbi=he is an infant

27. Asta seenim ont tellihave you viewed the chap on the television

28. Nardendee wotardoooin=what is one upto

29. Corforus apostate itmornin=I would like you to call upon my person at half past the hour of eight in the morn

30. Lerrus gurrat pizchers=we shall make our way to the cinema

31. Astagorratenna=do you have ten pounds sterling about your person

32. Eeenose nowt abartit=the chap has no knowledge

33. Eez gunna gerra lotta lolli forrit=it is worth quite a sum of money

34. Lerra gerontbus=let her take public transport

35. Eedursnt purrizead undert watta=he never washes his head

36. Eesezeantaddit=he denies ever having it

37. Oowurreewee – wuree weeizsen=who was with the chap or was he alone

38. Ateldim burreewunt lissen=I informed the fellow of my opinion, which he chose to ignore it

39. Lerim purrizaton=let the fellow put on his head wear

40. Astle clowt thi if that dunt gioer=If you persist I will have to administer a sound thrashing

41. Tintintin=it would appear not to be in the metallic receptacle

42. Gerarry tergithi and weeit=(dubious spelling)=avoid giving it to you

43. Eez gorriz attooam=He has his at his abode

44. Thawansta wesh thi eeroils aht=one needs to pay more attention to what one is saying

45. Middadz gorrajag=my father drives a jaguar motor vehicle

46. Thakkan ifthawannts=It is entirely at your discretion dear fellow

47. Tantad nowt dunnatit as I nose on_ I am unaware of any tampering

48. Cantha kumtowerowse tunneet=Could one visit my abode this evening

49. Weerz gaffa =Where would your boss be at this moment

That's a lanky dialect quiz, not yaarksher.

and it does annoy me when southerners think t' goes before any noun. As has been pointed out, t' only goes before consonant – before a vowel, th' is required. In many cases, the preceding word is also followed by 't

e.g.
Am goin't t'pub
Purrit in't th'oven

etc etc