Why Can't A Bike Move On It's Own?

What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglass

What’s big and grey and can’t fly?

A car park.

Did you hear the one about the magical tractor?

It turned into a field.

What has six legs and would kill you if if fell out of a tree and landed on you?

A snooker table.

How do you kill a circus?

Go for the juggler.

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

Fish

Whats black and very dangerous? A crow with a sub machine gun.

What’s orange and sounds a but like a parrot?

A carrot

What do you call an irishman with a pane on glass behind each ear?

Paddy O’doors

What is the difference between a dog and a fox?

5 pints of lager.

What do you call a guy under a pile of leaves???
…Russel

2 cows in a field, one says moooooo, and the other ones goes, I was going to say that!

Sorry

How many bass guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb, ten to sit around afterwards and discuss how Stanley Clarke would have done it…

What’s brown & sticky…

Muhammad Ali with a can of coke

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”

Two birds sitting on a perch. One says, “Can you smell fish?”

Did you hear the one about the magical tractor?

It turned into a field.
There’s a film about that tractor – have you seen it?

No but I’ve seen the trailer

\o/ @ bsb

Two goldfish in a tank.

One says to the other “How do you drive this thing?”

I told my missus I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

‘Dont be ridiculous’ she said ‘That’d never work’.

You should have seen her face when I rode pasta….

Where does Noddy keep his Army?

Up his sleevie.

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?

<geordie> nee idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs ?

still nee idea </geordie>

Why do women paratroopers wear jock straps?
So they don’t whistle on the way down.

What do you call a musician with two birds of prey on his head, vaccuming, with the lights off?

Hawk kestrel man hoovers in the dark.

How do you make a duck sing the blues?

Put it in the microwave til its bill withers.

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Damn.

What cheese do you use to encourage a bear?

Camembert

What cheese can you use to hide a horse?
Mascapone

What cheese should you serve to a Yorkshireman who likes water retention structures?

Edam.

How should you use cheese jokes?
Caerphilly

What’s Beethoven’s favourite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NAAAAA

Knock Knock!

Neutrino

Who’s there?

What cheese should you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone

What sort of cheese makes you taller?

Stilt on

What does cheese say when it looks in the mirror?

“Hallo, me”

What cheese should you use to hide a horse?

Mascarpone

I said that four posts ago!
Cheeky bugger.
.
I used to like Massey Fergussons but I’ve gone off them now. I’m an ex-tractor fan.

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?

Dr Dre.

I said that four posts ago!
Cheeky bugger.

Oops! Ok then, how about…

I used to like Massey Fergussons but I’ve gone off them now. I’m an ex-tractor fan.

😛

What’s e-commerce?

Business done in Yorkshire.

Jokes about cheese…

“What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Nacho cheese.”