what's the most stupid/idiotic thing you've done whilst intoxicated?

hmm. few years ago fell off my bike while riding home from the pub, along a perfectly smooth cycle path, and broke my collarbone.
last week, riding back from the same pub, on teh same bike, along the same stretch of cycle path, i decided i was steering well clear of that side of the path, so stuck to the other side.
fell off my bike into the canal.
still clipped in, i remember grabbing the bank with one hand, and the top tube with the other, unclipping, then hauling the bike out, then pulling myself out.
i had made a number of attempts to mount the bike, both before and after my impromptu dip, before deciding that walking might be the best option, and have the scars and bruises to show.
the replacement smart phone turned up today. 😳

My best mate is a legend amongst our friends for being stupid and getting completely drunk way too soon.

We were about 17, some older friends (20-30) were having a party. I went over after finishing work about 11ish. On entering the street I could here him shouting that he wasn’t drunk, he could hardly stand.I was asked to take him home.

Long Version
After about 15 minutes of having some fun by getting him to drink vegetable oil, neat squash, soda stream stuff and some other concoctions I told him we had better leave.
Eventually got him out the door, he then fell straight on a rose bush, wriggled around a bit and finally got up. I wanted to stay at the party, so I told him I was going to run home and that he should to, we lived in opposite directions. He went off running, more like running when you’ve span yourself twenty times, but A for trying. I went back into the party and that was just the start of the bad story for him.

He woke up the next day, thinking everything is fine, parents weren’t talking to him.. After a few days of investing we found out he had run home, couldn’t get through the door, the mud all over the door would suggest he tried a lot. So fell asleep on the muddy grass bank next to the road, so the neighbours told him. Somehow he was now completely covered in mud and got inside and upstairs to his room .His mum then entered his room cos he was shouting and making a lot of noise. She found him totally naked with cock in hand, he looked at her and told her the “F off would you! Just F off!”, then proceeded piss all over his bed and get into it and sleep. He had no idea until his parents told him..

Short Version: Drank veg oil and other horrible kitchen things, ran home, slept on the grass, covered head to toe in mud, eventually got inside. Mum could hear him shouting, entered his room to find him totally naked cock in hand. He shouted “F off would! F off!”, then pissed over his bed, got straight into it and slept. He had no idea until his parents told him.

————————————–

Same guy above, we managed to shave his eyebrow off, taking photos along the way. We drew it back on with permanent marker, then got arty with it on his face. Someone took him to the toilet and hit his head on the toilet bowl, he decided to lock himself in there and stayed there until the morning.

We managed to convince him that he locked himself in the toilet and shaved his own eyebrow off and then decided to put the marker over his face. He believed us for 6 months, he was not happy when he found out.

5 years I visited him at uni, told his housemates about his eyebrow. It happened again, just after he had decided to make the toilet resemble something from Trainspotting and trying to pin it on me.

I don’t have too many stories about me, my friend does a good job on his own.

This was a combined effort really, on leaving the pub one evening ( which may have been early morning) the five of us 2 girls and 3 blokes decided that the campsite we were staying on needed a picnic bench. So passing another pub on the way back we sat one girl on the top of said bench and with one of us on each corner hoisted it aloft, carrying it through the village and back to the site with her sat like a queen atop, although by now screaming a bit to get down. It’s still there 2 years on and we’ve had many a good party on it.

Tried to run some people over in a 4×4 driving the wrong way round a one way system in San antonio in Ibiza at 5am followed by ugly scenes with machetes.

It was 13 years ago and I am a completely different person now. Thank god…

had a friend who forgot which door led to the toilet in a drunken state and through what he thought was the right door and proceeded to piss all over his sleeping grandads face in the spare room

oh to be young again!

a friend once forgot his key so went round the back and climbed in the window made himself a cheese sandwich then sat down to watch telly only then did he realise he was in the wrong house.
the worst thing I have ever done whilst off my head was to realise i had a raving habit and that i had to escape for the sake of my sanity so I moved from madchester. On reflection choosing to move to Amsterdam was not the best choice 🙄

Pissed on the canteen wall of Croydon police station, one New Year’s Eve many years ago…….’cause I was busting 😐

It’s the one on the left with all the ground floor windows :

I have undoubtedly done lots of other stupid things whilst inebriated, but that one always sticks in my mind for its sheer stupidity. And I couldn’t figure out at the time why all my mates ran off and left me.

Less of a question of what I have done, than who I have done.

One blessing of age is the ability to manage that is less likely,

(I am told)

On the other hand I wonder who has woken up next to me and wondered how much they had drunk?

I met [/url]Frank a while back. Possibly the most entertaining drunk story in a while

One that comes to mind is playing drums on a load of rusty steel barrels at the reading festival for about 4 hours, first with some old tent poles then when they broke with my hands. Basically lost consciousness even though my body was still going. Anyway, sun comes up, and some bouncer guys came over and told us to stop. I thought they just didn’t like the music so spent ages trying to find out what beats they’d prefer… Eventually one of them explained that no, they thought I should stop because I was covered in blood. And I was. Freaked out for a while, finally looked at hands, I’d basically flayed them. Thought it was time to go to bed (8am). Thanked kindly bouncers.

Woke up about an hour later in screaming agony, wasn’t able to use my hands for anything more complicated than holding a pint glass for about 3 days. No drugs involved, just good times, sunshine, sleep deprivation and a dash of jack daniels.

A few that spring to mind are;

Pissed on my own shoes (oblivious of the act of course) then worn them to work the next day.

Pissed in my parents laundry basket (again oblivious until the next morning)

Pissed in my ex’s underwear drawer (oblivious etc etc)

Pissed on my sleeping ex. Yes, I know 🙁

Slept in my mates curtains (which were hung at the window before I got to them) and pissed on his video recorder

Fell down a flight of stairs, naked

Woke up naked on a girl’s couch, top to tail with her and said hello to her dad as he passed through to the kitchen

Posted the above on the internet

piss all over his sleeping grandads face

This image will stay with me for years 😮

Swung from scaffolding 2 floors up by my legs

Jumped from an out hose roof to a 2nd floor window and climbed in (we were locked out of my mates terraced house) glad the wooden bit on the window took my substantial weight or I’d be in 2 halves now

Woke up with a broken my hand and broken glasses still have no idea how

Ripped my new kecks sliding down a lamp post trying to find a party somewhere. We found it, the girls mum sewed my kecks up while I waited in my undies!

punched a mate spark out in 1 when he suggested he expressed his feelings for my lady friend

Walked from Aisdale to Southport along the unlit coast road to get to my dads house after spending all my cash on beer

Walked from Bootle to Crosby to get home after spending all my money on beer

Rode my bike in the Peaks after a fair amount of brandy It was excellent. Rode straight to my hotel and ordered more.

pissed in a mates glass hoping he’d not notice in revenge for nicking my seat.

not all in the same night you understand…

Staggering back to our apartment in Crete, I completley missed it and carried on walking up the country road where eventually i fell asleep on the road, only to be awakened by the sound of tourist laden bus stopping to rescue me and give me a lift back down the road. On getting back my mate was
asleep in the wardrobe!

Sambuca/dentist chair ala Gazza fueled!

Ohh I once tried to climb a temporary fence, it fell half-over, I got my trousers caught and I decided to sleep there. Hanging at about 45 degrees, legs upwards, in the dead of December. Fortunately I realised what was happening and ripped myself free before dying of hypothermia.

I took part in line dancing on friday night. I’ve done some pretty stupid things but never though it would come to this.

hand in your man-card to the desk on your way out 👿

line dancing 😆

Oh where to start.

First of all may I say I no longer drink, mainly due to frequency and magnitude of scrapes, here are a few for starters:

1. After a nights clubbing, going back to my parents house for a tent and deciding to steal a small rowing boat to go camping on a nearby island. We used a plank of wood and a cricket bat as oars and got about 1 hour out to sea when I needed a slash. I couldn’t go kneeling at the back of the boat so stood up, causing said boat to sink immediately. Shoes off and swam for over an hour to the ship yard dock gates which are large enough for an aircraft carrier. Couldn’t get out of the water, shouted for help and a security guard threw in a life hoop thing. RNLI turned up some time later an took us to a point where we could get out of the water, where we were met by police, security from ship yard and ambulances. Arrested and spent night in cells. Dad heard about it on the radio at work and it was headlines in local paper.

2. Rode bike naked through Le/The Pub in Chamonix and out into the street.

3. Chased a naked female around some gardens in Liverpool, only to go back the day after to try and find my keys and realise it was a convent and all the little statues we jumped over were of mary

4. Ragging a reliant robin around walney island when leathered and chasing after women

5. Making an impromptu speech at a graduate training exercise attended by all the bosses, which included the line “..and may I say how much I’d like to bum you all, [pointing to this real t**t at the back] especially YOU”

I could spend all afternoon doing this

There have been a few….

Snorting different flavours of nesquick and then blowing ‘butterfly’ pictures.

Eating leftover toast from a dogs bowl because i was hungry.

Spending the night in cells after two of us removed the taxi sign from the top of a cab thinking it would be a good idea to stick it on the bonnet, it wasnt, it smashed and we got chased through Cardiff by possibly the only fit taxi driver in Britain and 2 policemen.

Graduation Day, oh yes.
Slight misunderstanding on the time front and missed the rehersal as I was in the pub I’d worked in for the last couple of years being bought drink by the regulars. Turned up late and smashed. Wrong place in the queue, so much shuffling on the steps on to the stage to pick up the paper. Strode on to the stage, raised my arms, turned to the crowd and bellowed “HELLOOOO DUNDEEEEE”. End of polite applause. Was supposed to kneel to get the cape thing put on by the principal, but didn’t want to ’cause i was so drunk I thought I’d fall over. Thing is, i’m 6′ odds and principal was a foot or so smaller. Cue much hilarity as he tried to flip it up and over my (moving) head. Anyway, got the tube, walked off stage, looked in tube, nothing. Turned round to go back on stage to query this when someone pointed out that the tubes were all empty and the degrees were on a table, and here’s yours.
helped a girl with MS out of her wheelchair to get her gown off. Put her degree in my pocket to free a ahand and forgot to give it back
Forgot to give gown back as well.
Didn’t get to go to my next one.

BigButSlimmerBloke

That made me laugh…

Got hundreds..

here’s one from back when I regularly used to cain it from Thursday to Sunday.

7.30am monday morning, left the pub (full of posties) pished and off my face on acid towards the end of a 3 day bender. On the way back to my flat, skint I decided it would be a good idea to call in for a friend for breakfast, only her mum answered the buzzer and told me my “______’d moved out back to Uni” but She let me in anyway.. I ran up the stairs into her flat.. but couldn’t find her, then eventually heard the sound of the shower so (naturally 😕 ) walked straight into the unlocked bathroom….
out from the frosted glass door a naked…

guy steps out of the shower saying “what are you doing in my house?”. “It’s not your house mate, its ________’s mum’s house” I reply.. we stand there argueing for a bit and then (still naked) he finally gets me to leave.. I’m stood outside bewildered until I look up and see the flight of steps heading upwards. And she lived on the top floor.. I’ve never laughed so hard in all my life!! 😀

have done many many stupider things. 😳

4. Ragging a reliant robin around walney island when leathered and chasing after women

Made me LOL. I had a mate with a Reliant and it was hardly a chick-magnet.

GW – That gave me a chuckle too.

🙂

I always want to say things in threads like this but feel ashamed.

1. Graduation, 2 for 1 on Stella in Stereo in Newcastle, sent my mate to the bar 5 minutes before happy hour finished to buy 60 pints, would only sell to us in one go, so we took them.
Ended up at the law courts bar smoking joints with a barrister type, before being chased out. Went home, smoked my mega-death bong made from 8″ piping and a fish pump and spewed for 3 hours.

2. Drank all day when in Thailand with my Thai biker group, decided it was time to go home, rode off down the street and stopped behind a car, it didn’t move anywhere for ages, eventualy got off to check and see, it was parked up. Shortly after I nearly fell through the 7-11 window and woke up with my bike parked in the middle of the grass in the garden.

3. Scaled the outside of a ruin in Heaton Park off my tits. got ledge locked and had to jump three stories, or so down, only to find the patch of nettles was about 1.5m deep indent and turned my drop a bit further than I thought it was.

4. On a massive sniff bended, decided that we needed an emergency 1/8 in case we ran out, mate drove, picked it up, traffic car stopped us, mate got pulled into car, I had it in my pants, police spoke to me and wanted to search me, let them, nothing on me, as he was finishing searching me and giving my mate a bollocking for driving stoned, I got a massive rush from the last line and fell over in the street. 300 odd quid scattered that was in my hand from the search blew down the street. Policeman just looked at me bemused.

5. After party, god knows how many pills in, mate made up some mushroom tea, he couldn’t remember if he had put 50 or 500 in the tea for 5, Daryl was sat behind me breathing, I could hear the c*nt breathing reallyt heavily like he was having a heart attack, I was getting really irate, jumped up and shouted ” Will you have a f****ing heart attack and get it over and done with. We would be better off with you dead with the racket you’re making” Room went silent, 20 odd people looking at me, GF at the time called a taxi and I went home, thought I was in London in the taxi, got kicked out at the corner house pub, had to walk home, spent the journey home watching a watch running across the rooftops trying to cast spells on me.

5. Yet another bender, left the club with my mates, got in the front seat of the taxi, as was my duty, ended up at a strange block of flats, wandered upstairs with my mates, then realised that in fact I was with a group of trannies and had no idea who they were, they told me they thought I was friends of friends, I had no idea, went to somebody’s coming out party, all very strange, lots of manly men in dresses. Kept in touch with them for years, decent bunch who liked to big it up.

I suffered panic attacks for years afterwards from all the chemical abuse. I sometimes still get shivers when I think of all the close calls I’ve had and bad situations I’ve been in

Quirrel – brilliant, thank you so much there are few times when I am grateful for being a mere novice in the partying 🙂

^ Thanks.

There is another story, but it’s not all there.

At a mates birthday party, which we organised in a farmers field somewhere in county durham, I met some rope walkers and jugglers who road around the country on modified bicylces that had sprockets everywhere and bits welded on to carry their stuff.
THey followed us back to Newcastle, to the Tanners pub, where they put on an impromptu show (I think it was the jubilee weekend). I don’t really know what happened after this, but I went AWOL for about three weeks, I was with them for part of it, travelling around off my nut, I met up with some London squaters who organised squat parties, I hung out with some fancy business types into art and design and ended up in Edinburgh Manchester, Glasgow, Leeds, London, Liverpool, Hull and a few other places as well.
To this day I’m not sure what all happened, or how it all unfolded, I know that there were lots of wobbly-eggs that probably contributed to my memory failure.

I was found lying in my hallway by the girl who rented my spare room from me telling me she thought I was dead when she came home, but realised that I was ok, but the stench of alcohol could be smelt before she opened the door. She knew I wasn’t actually dead, because I had given her updates during my adventures as to where I was – hence how I know some of the cities and what happened.

God just remembered the one where I met some Greeks and hung out with them at their restaurant that never had any customers for two weeks, before they groomed our mate and took her to Greece. He the owner turned out to be some sort of smuggler in the end with a shed full of blow somewhere on the island.

She ended up returning after a few months because she was more messed up than usual.

I’d forgotten about that. That was all during a K binge and it was all real. I can picture the restaurant now and have an idea how to find it….but not sure if I could

I say we get Torminalls’ brother, Quirrel, GW, Milkie’s mate, the grandad wee-bloke and a few more of the above together for a tear-up.

Anyone care to volunteer the use of their home?

^ I danced on top of the Tyne bridge once in one of the support towers – we should go there, it would be a good venue again.

I actually got led astray a few months back by the lad who owns my house, went out for a Drum n Bass night and was persuaded (easily) to relive some memories. It was as good as I remembered, but god I felt old, and mid week was pretty rough.

Feather boa, and a very very small spangly g string.

one that sticks in my mind was waking up in the dining room of a ski chalet in France just as everyone was coming down for breakfast (friends and random families included) – I was fully clothed, but my pants were on the dining room table and under the table was a pool of what I guess was my piss…
made a hurried, but reasonably aloof dash to the table, hid my pants and managed to soak the piss up with my feet – thankfully I still had my thick ski socks on…

went through a phase of doing Klinsmans on pavement/road/other concrete surfaces.

Once climbed two floors up the outside of hostel I was locked out of after curfew

Dived into the shallow end of a holiday swimming pool in early hours of am after clubbing.

Drove. Rural Nrthern Ireland. Either I did it, or be driven by paralytic uncle or 16 year old cousin. Trusted myself more. Never concentrated harder. Was surprisingly easy really.

lucky to be alive really.

Oh man,let me count the ways!

one mentionable that comes to mind is when I lived in Hull as a student. Used to go to this club called “spiders” on the other side of town in some industrial estate. They used to sell super cheap booze, including a pint of pink stuff named after the Pan-galactic gargleblaster. Anyway, woke up next day, opened front door. Then saw the enormous 6-7ft wooden cable drum in the front garden, that we then fuzzily remembered pushing home for miles through town.

also cracked a rib riding on a canal tow path in pitch dark back from Elfins house after some world cup match or other and a few too many bevvys.

Christ – thought I was quite hardcore in my callow youth, but reading some of these makes me feel like a proper lightweight….

Ah go on, I’ll spin one yarn then 😀

I’d just finished college in Edinburgh as a mature student (28 years young) and my mates came to visit from Aberdeen. At the time, I was living in one of those tiny caravans in my Dad’s garden. We all squeezed in and proceeded to get violently drunk – fortunately the booze was tempered by copious amounts of good quality hashish.

At about three in the morning, we had all but run out of booze – I remembered at this point that my Dad had several cases of Morgan Spiced rum left over from a bash some years before. So we necked a goodly amount of that.

Upon waking the next morning, Julian (the sensible one) drunkenly announced that he had to drive back to Aberdeen, and that Mike (not sensible) had to come now if he wanted a lift.

We persuaded him he needed a decent breakfast and got him to drive us to Stockbridge in his vile old BMW (he smoked. A lot. With the windows closed – the passenger footwell was a foot deep in fag ash). As we approached our destination, Mike found a tub of ‘Barkeeps’ Friend’ – a white, powdered scouring agents used by, well, barmen I suppose. He sprinkled an ounce or so on me, I threw water over hime and the battle was on.

Julian wasn’t at all amused and pulled an emergency stop outside the pub. Mike and I fell out of the car coated from head to foot in white powder and Evian. Passers by actually jumped back! The car looked like an explosion in a coke factory. We went for brunch nonetheless with Julian muttering darkly. After several very large bloody maries, Mike decided to stay another night and Julian got into his precious car and buggered off back to Aberdeen.

Me and Mike went for a post-brunch spliff by the canal, started fighting again and both fell off a 12 foot drop into the water. At least it washed off the Barkeeps’ Friend. We kept this stupid shite up all day – at one point we went to a cash machine – I pushed Mike out the way in the middle of his transaction and withdrew £250 from his account – it was gone in two hours. We returned home only when no bars would serve us. I fell down the railway embankment (may have been pushed) fell through a bush and landed heavily on the pavement – I had no shoes or shirt. Sadly, I looked straight up into the faces of my Dad and his wife, walking their dinner guests home.

The next morning, I was supposed to meet my girlfriend in Newcastle and go to a University interview at 2p.m. Didn’t wake up ’til 3p.m. Although my life wasn’t over, it certainly felt like it for a few days…

oh the poo !!!!!!! 😀

I fell asleep in a hedge standing up with my knob out. It was -9 and i seriously almost got frostbite.

This thread has picked up nicely again 🙂

3. Chased a naked female around some gardens in Liverpool, only to go back the day after to try and find my keys and realise it was a convent and all the little statues we jumped over were of mary

That is classic.

Strode on to the stage, raised my arms, turned to the crowd and bellowed “HELLOOOO DUNDEEEEE”

Still lolling at this 🙂

Quirrel – 😯

Spent a few days in a chalet in Alp de huez watching the snow get deeper and deeper in its garden. One night an impromtue party started up and me and a mate reckoned, in our drunken state, that the snow was deep enough to slow you down from a big jump. We soloed the outside of the chalet, complete with overhang to the first floor and proceeded to jump from the balcony rail. Snow was deep enought to soften the landing. Went to solo the outside again, this time two overhangs to the second storey and off we went again. Fortunately someone stopped us when we were getting ready to go for the third storey :?.

Mmmmm another skiing one. Lighting a monster banger (that I’d found on the slopes then dryed out) in the lounge of a catered chalet. One almighty bang later, after the log basket had lept about a foot off the floor, the chef comes storming out of the kitchen fists first ready for a punch up. All he found was a few shocked faces and a few people doubled up laughing on the floor. There might be a reason why bangers sold in britain are rather pathetic!

what’s the most stupid/idiotic thing you’ve done whilst intoxicated?

Her name was Kerry.

After realising that I was too pissed to continue, I walked out of a nightclub on one side of Cape Town leaving my mates inside, then started to walk/zigzag back to the hostel on the other side of town. All was well until I was accosted by a rather large and very determined lady of the night who wouldn’t let me past. Halfway through the ensuing argument, this bloke got out of a car and started walking towards us. With a gun in his hand. Never knew I could run so fast.

Her name was Kerry.

couldn’t have been that intoxicated if you remember her name 😉