What's the best crap 'food' …

Hot pork pie with mushy peas and brown sauce. Food of the gods.

Mmmmmm Hollands pies… Good job I’m moving back to Oldham soon, they’re going right back on the menu… Hollands meat and potato pie, in a bap, with chips. Or as you say, meat pie, chips, peas but for me, curry sauce.

Oh, hai guys!

I could list a great many wonderfully shit foods that I’m partial to, and I shall:

Fish finger butties (made with the cheapest of everything)
Anything on the McDonald’s breakfast menu
Anything on KFCs menu, particularly hot wings
Crab sticks
Tinned fruit
Nacho cheese (from a jar)
Pepperami (and others of that ilk, I’m currently enjoying a ‘Power Stick’ where one of the listed ingredients is ‘smoke’)
Spam and corned beef
Hot dogs
Smash

But, for me, there is only one winner, one thing that tastes like nothing else in the world (despite claiming to have a flavour) and can be mixed with other shit food to create something more magical.

Chicken super noodles. Have them neat, have them with cheese, ham, turkey, hot dogs, they are incredible. Ashamed to say I’ve neglected them for a while now, but they will be back soon!

As it happens I’m currently in Canada, neighbour of the shit food juggernaut, so while they don’t have the really bad stuff, a few gems slip through the net, I’ll report on any I find.

I know it’s dull, and dodgy morally as well as nutritionally, but I **** LOVE a good Big Mac meal. Can’t help myself

buffalo wings and blue cheese. I get into them in the first available airport bar when I clear customs in the US.

with a couple of pints of APA

Another American classic I have to have at least once a visit, feel dreadful afterwards but I can’t help myself. No idea what the cheese is or how long it has been bubbling away in the dispenser but love it.

Scotch Pie and Beans Pizza, hmmmmmm

**** ME! THAT is AWESOME!!!

I’ve been belly laughing at work at some of these comments and various nastiness.
Also reminded me that Viz used to call a pot noodle a ‘smackheads breakfast’

WHAT the ACTUAL ****!!!!!!!?????

Post-ride heaven with a pint.

Scotch Pie and Beans Pizza, hmmmmmm

Wholefoods in Giffnock do a sort of artisan bread with what looks like full scottish breakfast thrown over the top.

There is a chipshop in Wallsend does what we affectionately call a ‘dirty burrito’

It consists of a 12″ flour tortilla wrapped around a large helping of donner meat, a scoop of ‘chicken’ tikka, a potrion of chips and a layer of garlic (or chilli) sauce.

Mostly you dont eat for the rest of the day.

It’s sad but I couldn’t really think of anything to add to this thread, I’ve been racking my brain but the only thing I can come up with is Samosa from one of the many local sweet shops near me. They have to be freshly fried of course – preferably eaten as soon as you get outside the shop. If you leave them too long the paper bag they’re in becomes see through from all the oil.

Apart from that my only other guilty pleasure is a trip home to the black country for fish and chips – with orange chips. 🙂

Noodles

Throw away the soup flavour

Add mayonnaise, Worcestershire sauce, olive oil and black pepper. Mix well. See how few fork loads it takes to finish. I think I’ve done it in two.

There is nothing dirtier than a Munchy Box….,.

How have we got this far without Minster Munch and Wotsits being mentioned?

I’ve not had one in many years but these “fueled” me through university….!

Minster Munch

Religious corn snacks?

Apart from that my only other guilty pleasure is a trip home to the black country for fish and chips – with orange chips.

+1 Those sublime golden-orange chips with batter bits still appear in my most delightful, reminscent dreams. Read recently that you can still find some at Great Bridge? Any other tips? As a kid they were from either Graingers (Wollaston) or that one up Wynall/Wollescote. Both now long-gone. Those were the days if the chipshop was shut we’d make Vesta Curry.

Some time in 2002 I developed an unholy taste for American-style pizza. Extra pepperoni, extra cheese, extra sauce, extra dip. It’s obscenely crap, swimming in fats and salt, not to mention unfeasibly addictive. I still get occasional text reminders from Dominos saying ‘we miss you’. 😳 I don’t even really like Dominos, overpriced rubbish IMO. Can’t find anywhere local that does decent US-style pizza. Good.

Chorizo and black pudding: ears, arse, lips, woozle, blood. Lovely!

ps a quail’s egg goes nicely on top of this brutal flesh fest.

@nobeer..

Either that or poorly typed Irish corn snacks

I was round a friends house on Saturday evening and had some from the blue submarine on the Russels Hall estate. I think the Pensnett Fryer do them too – I never realised that some chipmongers will offer ‘normal’ chips too, which is fine. If you’re a weirdo…

My local (now 330 miles away) Chinese does a deep fried, shredded chicken, in satay sauce with fried rice…It’s soon good I’m now genuinely considering whether the 660mile round trip is worth it…

That pizza is a bloody amazing! I can feel my arteries hardening just looking at it!

@perchypanther a mate in Dalkeith keeps promising to be introduce me to one of those. I’m not sure whether to be thankful or think how I’ve wronged him in some way.

Ok run me through the Munchy Box, that looks amazing, I am on the immodium today, god knows what I have eaten that is causing such chaos in my alimentary canal and that munchy box is still piquing my interest 😆

Munchy boxes are as varied as you could want them to be. It’s not about the contents. They sell them by the inch.
It’s just a Pizza box filled with a handful of whatever crap the takeway sells.

My local , the Snappy Chapati, has 10″, 12″ and 16″ Munchy boxes which contain in increasing quantities ::

Chicken pakora, mushroom pakora, vegetable pakora, chicken chaat, chips, onion rings, kebab meat, 2 dips, potato fritters & can of juice
Varying sizes of naan.

£7 buys the 10 incher which is enough to kill an ordinary man.

They also do do variants such as :

Tandoori Munchy Box – £12

Chicken tikka, lamb tikka, chicken Manchurian, tandoori chicken, chicken chaat, donner meat, seekh kebab, salad, naan, curry sauce

or

European Box – £7

Fish, chicken nuggets, scampi, onion rings, garlic mushroom, spring roll, fish fingers, chips, tub of tartare sauce & can of juice

I think a ten incher would finish me off too.

I cannot believe that I’ve got this far through life without experiencing the munchy box.I feel like I’ve let myself down. I must rectify this situation ASAP

I want a munchy box……..but is this a northern thing? Where can I get one in Surrey?!
🙂

Mmmmmm Hollands pies…

Given that I live within walking distance of the factory,

My OH asked me to pick up a pie for her for tea (she’s a keeper, folks) so I snagged a Holland’s cheese & onion from the local supermarket. She cut into it to find its contents were just some sort of unholy fluorescent orange runny faux cheese sauce, like it’d just come out of a squeezy bottle. WTF is that all about, I thought Holland’s Pies were supposed to be good?!

I want a munchy box……..but is this a northern thing? Where can I get one in Surrey?!

Northern? Pah! Rank amateurs who are toying round the edges of an unhealthy lifestyle…..

Like all truly dangerous takeaway food, it’s a Scottish thing.

The “can of juice” provided as part of the deal is simply a conceit to pretend that it’s not gonna be washed down by four cans of Kestrel or this……

😆

That Tandoori munchy box sounds fantastic.

Most fast food – pizza, kebabs, burgers, fried chicken

Snack foods – crisps, potato snacks, pringles, tortilla chips

Desserts – well the list is endless here. From instant custard and Angel Delight to jelly and choc ices

Scotch eggs, sausage rolls, pork pies – from organic free range homemade ones through to value ones, they all have their place

On contemplation, Greggs sausage and bean melt washed down with a custard slice or fudge donut. Or both.

Tunnocks Caramel Log. I could just eat one or a whole packet 😆

the pastie supper – basically all the scum and crap from the chip shop floor, dipped in batter, deep fried and served with chips, salt, vinegar and the dripping sweat of the server.

Mrs Binners has just arrived home and made me the best offer a woman can make to a man….

“Do you want a meat and potato or a beef and onion pie?”

Hollands too. And thats why I love her!She’s a keeper. I’m a very lucky man! 😀