What did you wake up regretting? The Christmas Do

Christmas do was a restrained affair for me, finished at 2:30am having started at 4pm. Was all good clean fun.
Compared to the friday evening before when after-works drinks wrecked me after the sambouca came out. I don’t remember leaving the pub. I made it to the station but couldn’t read the announcement board so missed my last train at 10:30pm. I got a taxi (£50) and got home at 2am. No idea what happened to the missing 3 hours…

I work alone now so I’ve not got the joys of a Xmas party.

When I was employed, we always had a fancy dress party at a rugby club near head office where all the branches would meet up and faces would be put to names.

One year, we bought out another company and they brought all their staff along as well. Towards the end of the night, there was a long queue of blokes outside the disabled loo. Turns out the boss’s wife of the company we bought out was in there.

They were swingers and his wife loved variety. Turned out to be a multi millionaire and the main reason was inviting customers to his parties.

Can (vaguely) remember a couple of years ago carrying a spare cream gateaux cake around with me from the office do as nobody had cut into it and it’d ‘be a waste not to take it home’. From piecing together events I must have managed to get it out of the building, through town and onto the bus all the way home intact. though I was very confused the following morning when I found a large cream cake splattered over the front door step and had no idea why. I suspect I’d reached my limit of cake balancing whilst trying to do it one handed and getting keys out of pocket to open the door.

One of my employees decided to show a few of the team dirty photographs of his ex girlfriend. His ex happens to be our Office Manager. He had completely forgotten doing it until I reminded him yesterday too, and is now bribing various members of the team for their silence.

Once beat my boss up in the loo. I was having a pee – he came in and started getting bolshie. I told him to calm down and he took a swing. So I hit him (in self defence obviously) and pushed him pretty hard through the bog door. On the Monday I took a box in with me to put my stuff in. He came in and apologised for his behaviour. Still can’t believe it. Another boss (different company) tried snogging one of the younger female members of staff. Unbeknown to him she was gay. Much hilarity all round.

I worked for a small startup company – was there 20 years in the end before it became small again 🙂

We were looking for VC input and invited the prospective VCs to Christmas Do – one of the engineers flipped when plied with free beer, started slagging off the VCs daughter, picked a fight with the MD, had to be escorted off the premises. Amazingly he didn’t get the boot.

As it turns out the MD used to comment that it was good thing in the end :0)

Nothing too drastic. One guy broke a finger on his way home…

I’ve been the ‘entertainment’ several times at Christmas do’s, now a bit old for it (and the boss)

But the best for me came not at a Christmas do but at a summer barbecue event, that the Tech Director used to put on once a year. We got mullered on some strange ‘cocktail’ concoctions using the bottles of stuff that lurk in the back of his wine cabinet, and then were doing shots of sambuca and polish bison grass vodka and cinnamon aftershock and…… and the Sales Director cum site director refused to join in. So i fixed him with a steely gaze and told him to stop being such a miserable irish see you next tuesday. True pin drop moment as he rounded on me with a

‘Well……!’

(fully expecting instant dismissal moment here)

‘…. I’ve never been called miserable before!’

Chapeau, Mr Jones. Monday morning was a bit arsetwitchy but he never mentioned it again.

A few years back I got into a competition with someone early in the night as to who could say the most outrageously offensive thing. This man had an active and depraved imagination so he was pretty confident – he was also extremely laid back and hard to offend. Anyhow it ran throughout the evening until some time around midnight I came out with something that had him try to come at me with a glass. I have no idea what I said and neither I nor he remember.

^^ I’m sure he does really though!

I used to work for Bank of Scotland in Chester many many years ago. There were only 3 guys in the office, the rest were women. Our Xmas do’s were nuts. The last one I went on ended up with 1 girl and her boyfriend being taken to A &E after overdosing on speed, one of the lads I worked with ended up in a hotel room with one girl he pulled and disappeared for 2 days. His girlfriend/partner was at first worried then went completely bursar on him. 😯
I had a long term girlfriend at the time so I was quite well behaved, just got hammered and spent most of the night requesting the DJ to play Ska all night.

Our Xmas do’s nowadays are crap in comparison…