What animals, preferably cute animals, can I legally kill?

I may be forced to use Virgin a Media help line soon to try and get my internet connection working.

I have heard that they prioritise service to customers who also raise complaints via social media.

I was thinking of lining up a series of animals and tweeting a picture. Each time the Virgin Customer service becomes intolerable of they ask me for all my details again or put me through another 25 option phone select system I will kill an animal and tweet the image linking it to Virgin Media.

I don’t particularly want to kill things so will probably start with some fruit before moving on to insects, possibly spiders then small invertebrates.

I was just wondering when it becomes illegal. Swatting a fly – probably not, garrotting a parrot – border line, pulped puppy – probably get a knock on the door.

Grey squirrels are fair game.

Don’t kill spiders! Spiders are cool and useful!

Fluffy bunnies are OK.
Foxes, badgers also.
Just use a vehicle to kill them, and it’s fine.

Rats & Mice, some pigeons , and you can happily come round mine and shoot the 2 little black yappy things next door before I resort to dropping a paving slab on each of them.

Okay – the spider walks….

Cats… And vegetarians.

Kittens are easily obtained as our puppies.

Red squirrels & badgers if killing the above get you no where.

Panda and narwhal is your next port of call.

After than it’s people and the moon.

Killing kittens is also a popular way to pass the time.

border terriers,sprockers and mongrel poodles are fine.

Grey Tribbles

start with songbirds

you can pretty much kill a cyclist, and expect no punishment. just dress up a mate as a bunny and mow him down. Get a friend to film it though, as you’ll get 3 points for using a phone while driving…

You can machine gun badgers if you live in Somerset

have a tray of ground glass handy. when it becomes intolerable you can always mash your face into that to ease the suffering.

….or you could use 1and1 for domain management, at least that way you can compare which of the two has the most cnutish service.

So fantasy death row is beginning to form:

Tomato – dropped in boiling water so it changes colour a bit and it’s skin falls off
Pickled beet root – hit with a club hammer and filmed in slow motion for dramatic effect
Nigel the vegetarian – punched in the face hard enough to split his lip
Earwig – tail section cut off and the head section squashed under the thumb
Nigel – punched again to stop his whinging
Ant – burnt with magnifying glass, I am a traditionalist

By this point they should either be dealing properly with the complaint or accept they are responsible for what follows

Nigel – kicked in the nuts(as if he has a pair)
Small mouse – lump hammer, the beet root juice should enhance the effect
Grey squirrel – microwave
Kitten – stapled to Nigel’s right arm
2 little black happy things from unovolos next door – slabs dropped on them from a great height*. *this assumes they are animals, not children

If I am not getting the beards bloke from the TV adverts total attention by now things will escalate

Nigel – bed hive smashed over his head and buried up to his waist in an ants nest
Badger – a ferret zip tied to each leg and put in a tumble dryer with some brick
Seagull -fed bicarbonate of soda until it pops
Panda – drowned in a barrel of narwhals
Nigel – pelted with baby kittens until they changed the hold music to something by MegaDeath

Finally….

The baby Robin gets it

Baby kittens? are there any other kind?

Baby kittens? are there any other kind?

Sex kittens?

. On second thoughts, perhaps no images…

Rather than killing kittens, just give them your opinion on the best mountain bike wheel size.

They’ll soon sort you out.

bencooper – Member
Grey squirrels are fair game

gobuchul – Member
Don’t kill spiders! Spiders are cool and useful!

what about?

The baby Robin gets it

Between a pair of bricks for best effect.
Totally painless, provided you keep your thumbs out of the way…

Effervescent paracetamol in bread vs ducks.

Just start a wheel size thread, kittens will die.

How about claiming you were so distraught at the service you accidentally dropped a baby Polar bear into your blender?

Just use a vehicle to kill them, and it’s fine.

Works for cyclists, too.

#VirginSacrifice

You could always ask to get put through to the retention department. That’s when you get the nice people.
ps you can kill my neighbours cats if you like.

It’s good. I especially like the seagull trick
But Nigel deserves to get really **** up.