Viz "Magna Farta" (sexist content)

Last night I challenged the GF to read this without laughing – she failed.

I feel an occaisional series of definitions is needed.

goose – a light hearted sexual assault often taken in bad spirits by po faced lesbians.

😛

Better to cook the goose, than goose the cook

po faced – someone who looks like the red teletubby?

http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html

Best not read at work, folks.

Get Up Them Stairs – The call of the chauvinist male to indicate that he has finished eating, drinking and watching football on telly and now wishes to retire to the marital bedroom to make an ungainly and somewhat flatulent attempt at sexual intercourse

Rusty trombone

Biffon

Dripping like a *broken* fridge.

Has me giggling like a fool every time I read it.

Lucky Pierre.

aye me too tootall. also like the “dirty bristow” (phrase not the activity)

Predator’s face.

welly tubbies n. Small, fat lasses squeezed into slag wellies out on the lash. So-called due to their similarity to the children’s TV characters, in both their appearance and limited vocabulary.

😀

Fizzing at the bung hole

Blumpkin FTW

^ welly tubbies 😆 😆

great escape n. A fart that is planned well in advance and released surreptitiously over a period of time. And probably shaken nonchalantly from the bottom of the trouser legs whilst whistling.

To be dealt a Beadle. Colloquialism from the world of competition poker. To be given a crap hand.

One of my faves

Forth bridger n. An irritable and cantankerous woman who seems to have the painters in all year round, eg. Germaine Greer, Rose-anne Barr, Bjork.

my personal favourite is ‘like twisting on nineteen’, to describe the act of squeezing a fart out while having a case of the squits.

gash crash n. A motor accident, usually in early spring, caused by drivers distracted by appealingly-attired females. A rear end *unt.

I was doing fine on the challenge until “gash crash”.

Dunno if it came from Viz, but I always liked the term “A4” for ah, erm, soapy t– w—. Cos, it’s the fastest way of coming into the Bristol area.