Urinal etiquette

Just stand really close to him when you go in. Literally shoulders touching, if he looks at you just smile and carry on.

Or just relax and go for a sit down wee, you’re at work take your time.

Fella at work does same. His logic is that it’s the cleanest one. Can’t really argue with that. He does also lock trap 2 from outside when he’s using trap 1 as he doesn’t like company, and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant. I didn’t have the foggiest. He’s convinced I’m the one with the problem.

Anyway the guy may know this and just wants to mess with your head.

I feared this may be the case, I’ll bring it up in his next appraisal;

“We may need to initiate a formal performance review if you continue to exhibit such poor urinal etiquette.”

Or

“Stop splashing your piss and clapping your foreskin in the bogs you freak, or you’re sacked!!”

One or the other, not decided my strategy yet.

Was mid flow in a pub loo in Windsor once – when (no lie) Natalie Imbruglia wanders in and stares right at me.

Did you meet her eyes or look away? You must have been torn…

“Stop splashing your piss and clapping your foreskin in the bogs you freak, or you’re sacked!!”

In this instance ‘sacked’ may not be the best word to use 🙂

Also you could ‘pull’ him up on the old ‘more than two shakes is a w8nk’. Masturbating in the workplace is a serious offence

Maybe he’s just trying to be as awkward as possible:

https://blog.xkcd.com/2009/09/02/urinal-protocol-vulnerability/%5B/url%5D

Aside from all the rules above why do strangers feel it’s acceptable to talk to other complete strangers whilst at a urinal? I’m trying to get effluent out of my body as quickly as possible, I don’t want to discuss the weather.

We have two urinals in our office, we all do the decent thing and if someone is using one we go back out and do our business later or use a trap upstairs.

Aside from all the rules above why do strangers feel it’s acceptable to talk to other complete strangers whilst at a urinal?

Why not, you’re only doing a pee.

It’s a little bit odd as you are basically stood in a strangers comfort zone with your knob out. Maybe some people just make nervous conversation? I prefer total silence apart from a ‘nice one mate’ if the guy next to me farts.

Fella at work does same. His logic is that it’s the cleanest one. Can’t really argue with that. He does also lock trap 2 from outside when he’s using trap 1 as he doesn’t like company, and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant. I didn’t have the foggiest. He’s convinced I’m the one with the problem.

He’s got some serious toilet issues…locking T2 to ensure no ‘company’ is taking it a bit far.

a ‘nice one mate’ if the guy next to me farts.

Oooh that’s another thread entirely!!

Best I heard was an old boy who let out a massive fart and said “Good hole Jack!”

I did laugh!

Why not, you’re only doing a pee.

I wouldn’t want to talk to them outside the bathroom. Why would I want to inside?

tillydog – Member
Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

Same here. It’s the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

Others apparently also find it irritating, which provides for further encouragement.

Same here. It’s the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

ffs are you pissing in it or eating your lunch off it – its a urinal, you’re not supposed to touch it.

Same here. It’s the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it

But your pissing in it not eating your dinner out of it?? Why would you even need to touch it?

Unless you’re expecting the bacteria to swim up your stream and infect your bell end?

Damn I need to type faster, that’s just happened in another thread 😕

poisonspider – Member
a ‘nice one mate’ if the guy next to me farts.
Oooh that’s another thread entirely!!

Best I heard was an old boy who let out a massive fart and said “Good hole Jack!”

I did laugh!

Ha! The 80-year-old owner of the company I work for farted loudly in the gents and said “better here than on the bus”. I chuckled for an inappropriately long time.

Same here. It’s the least used, hence likely the cleanest both around and underneath it.

I pished up against a tree in the woods once.
It was absoluteley filthy. Fortunately I didn’t actually touch it with my hands or my tadger so I managed to survive.

The ground was really dirty too…..but luckily I was wearing shoes.

Damn I need to type faster, that’s just happened in another thread

If you’re not fast you’re last 🙂

Others apparently also find it irritating, which provides for further encouragement.

Or you simply like the idea of forcing other blokes to get their todge out right next to you 😉

Wee in his shoes.

CaptainFlashheart – Member

Wee in his shoes.

Would that make them Ortho-pee-dick shoes.

Like yours.

The ground was really dirty too…..but luckily I was wearing shoes.

Which you no-doubt removed before going into your house. Do you do this (remove shoes) when you go back to your desk, or are you happy to have someone elses wee underneath it?

Do you do this (remove shoes) when you go back to your desk,

Yep. I’m the Zola Budd of the Quantity Surving world.

and when a sign was put up asking not to pre-load the pan knew what it meant.

am I the only one still in the dark about this.. is it similar to the signs that say no pokemon here?

Knock yourselves out:

http://www.urinalman.com/

If the room is empty when you go in where do you stand

In the cubicle. If you’ve ever worn cream linen trousers, you wouldn’t use a urinal.

If you’ve ever worn cream linen trousers,

There is other people in here to talk to other than CaptainFlashheart don’t you know….

I was referring to splashing, of course 😳 , not errrrr. Well let’s not go there 😉

Masturbating in the workplace is a serious offence

It is? Damn, that explains a lot!

Dirty Protest is the only option. They made you do it, guilt was invented by idiots.

Whichever hand he is supporting himself with check if its his watch arm, and loudly ask what time is it please, and stand well clear as he hoses all in the near area, while checking the time.

Dosent work if hes going no hands mum

Would that make them Ortho-pee-dick shoes.

Like yours.

I was already chuckling before I got to this, but then – aptly – I had to go and do a piss.

Poisonspider – yes, your colleague broke an unwritten rule, but by informing him of this you broke a far more serious unwritten rule.

Made the mistake of peeing next to a guy when I was wearing shorts – someone else’s splash back in not pleasant. Also had a guy hit my shoe recently. 😯

When you’re taking a pish, you’re vulnerable to attack

Reminded me of a guy I know who was attacked and given a bit of a beating in a pub toilet mid pee. Another guy found him on the floor battered and bleeding, helped him up and checked he was OK. They walked out of the gents together and were half way across the pub before the good Samaritan turned to Darren and said….’mate, your cock’s still hanging out’

I nearly wet myself even thinking about it 🙂

Oh right, this is where the toileteers went from the other thread 🙂

Whilst you’re all here, what’s the deal with with placing one hand flat against the wall at shoulder height, breathing heavily, face fixed into a grimace? A stance seemingly preferred by folk with huge bellies, you know the type, who amble around the supermarket half shut, using the trolley to support 2/3 of their body weight.

Go in MTF up and grab his hardware , whilst there may be an element of risk In in this approach , I bet he doesnt go near a toilet if your heading in there after this