Urinal etiquette

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  • Urinal etiquette
  • Just drink a gallon of asparagus juice and follow him in once he’s been showered with stinky splashback piss turn to him and give him your best ‘told you so’ face.

    Premier Icon Rubber_Buccaneer
    Subscriber

    Relax, I’m sure he isn’t judging you by the size of your penis. He probably didn’t even look..

    soobalias
    Member

    the three pisser sequence is as follows

    furthest from door
    nearest to door
    middle

    next time you find him taking the middle urinal out of choice, just stand behind him till he’s finished.

    Premier Icon somouk
    Subscriber

    I agree with you, outside ones first.

    Print a sign and stick it above the middle urinal to remind him he’s weird.

    jimjam
    Member

    poisonspider

    There’s a guy who always goes to the middle one, which means if someone else comes in they have no option but stand right next to him and potentially get his piss-splash-back down their trousers.

    How else is he supposed to admire the wangs of random colleagues ? If it wasn’t for the close proximity urinals you describe what option would there be for perfectly hetero penis admirers to cock spot in real life?

    thegreatape
    Member

    I don’t care about position per se, but what I do care about is not getting piss – mine or anyone else’s – on my strides. So if the urinal type and provision of piss walls is such that there will be no splash back, then I’ll use any of them. But if they are badly designed urinals or there is no piss wall then sod that, I’ll go and piss in a cubicle – with the door open, obviously, I’m not a scuttler!

    poisonspider
    Member

    No he doesn’t look but he does make this incredibly loud foreskin clacking sound when he’s shaking the drips off.

    Bleurghh!! 🙁

    Premier Icon somouk
    Subscriber

    No he doesn’t look but he does make this incredibly loud foreskin clacking sound when he’s shaking the drips off.

    Is he knocking the drips off by banging it on the urinal or maybe your leg?

    Premier Icon amedias
    Subscriber

    If you’re not supposed to use the middle one then why have 3?

    If it really is because of splashback then why not just have two and a bigger gap between them as it would never be possible to safely have more than 2 simultaneous urinators!

    joshvegas
    Member

    Sledgehammer to the middle urinal.

    Premier Icon twisty
    Subscriber

    Stick an official looking laminated notice over the middle urinal saying it is for out of hours / emergency use only. To reduce employee wxposure to splashback. By order of the management.

    A turd layed in the middle urinal (either fake or real) could also work.

    poisonspider
    Member

    If you’re not supposed to use the middle one then why have 3?

    I guess it’s for emergency situations, for those who are really busting for a pee so don’t mind invading peoples personal space, or they think peeing in a sit down cubicle is just weird.

    It doesn’t help that he stands with his legs so wide apart you can’t get central on the one your trying to use without almost rubbing legs with him.

    I didn’t mention I’m his boss, is it time to pull rank?! (poor choice of words there perhaps)

    Junkyard
    Member

    You always leave a space and dont take the middle one

    At mine if you take the nearest to the door you walk in and then just stand about two foot away staring at the pisser who is now sideways on.
    Some still take that one and you cannot even get passed them

    poisonspider
    Member

    A turd layed in the middle urinal (either fake or real) could also work.

    😆

    Premier Icon slowoldman
    Subscriber

    Always choose the vacant urinal closest to the door.

    Or have a sit down pee.

    wilko1999
    Member

    You’re all wrong. Its nearest the door first, then furthest from the door, then trap 1, trap 2 etc until all traps are full. Then, and only then do you use the middle urinal. And if its a nightclub and everyone’s drunk you have to factor in sinks and bins, and then it gets properly complicated.

    Premier Icon CheesybeanZ
    Subscriber

    Go in early and drop a log in the middle one .

    Premier Icon tillydog
    Subscriber

    Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

    Anyway:

    http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/games/urinal

    and

    http://www.urinalman.com/

    poisonspider
    Member

    then trap 1, trap 2 etc until all traps are full

    But you CANNOT shut the door!

    A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

    poisonspider
    Member

    tillydog – Member
    Out of 3, I would always choose the middle one.

    WEIRDO!

    johndoh
    Member

    I once bumped into Sven Goran Erikkson in a toilet at The Lowrey in Manchester (just before he signed for Citeh). He used the middle urinal.

    Rockape63
    Member

    Maybe put an ‘out of order’ sign in the middle one? 😕

    mudshark
    Member

    A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

    Do you check?

    Nico
    Member

    Is this really about splashback (in which case the urinals shouldn’t be so close together – even in emergencies) or is it really about personal space (aka feelings of inadequacy). I think we all know the real answer.

    Premier Icon nuke
    Subscriber

    How have your bladder purges become so synchronised that this has become an issue? Just stop following him to the toilet or is he following you?

    Pigface
    Member

    I once bumped into Sven Goran Erikkson in a toilet at The Lowrey in Manchester (just before he signed for Citeh). He used the middle urinal.

    He also used Ulrika, wonder if she was in the middle.

    A bloke who locks himself in a cubicle just for a pee is not normal. Even worse would be a sit-down-wee-wee type. Freaks!!

    with the corrollary of ,,,

    A bloke who goes into the works toilet just for a slash has wasted an opportunity.
    Why go on a day trip when you can treat yourself to an extended china cruise?

    Premier Icon zilog6128
    Subscriber

    furthest from door
    nearest to door
    middle

    furthest from door
    nearest to door
    sink (or wait if you’re too la-de-da)

    poisonspider
    Member

    Is this really about splashback (in which case the urinals shouldn’t be so close together – even in emergencies) or is it really about personal space

    Both of these.

    feelings of inadequacy

    It’s really not this, he’s tiny. I looked.

    poisonspider
    Member

    Do you check?

    Do I check for what?

    PeterPoddy
    Member

    Cling film. Nice and tight, wrinkle free, on the middle one….

    And wait.

    poisonspider
    Member

    There are three urinals at work, fairly close together with no separators.

    If the room is empty when you go in where do you stand, the one nearest the door, the middle one or the one furthest from the door?

    There’s a guy who always goes to the middle one, which means if someone else comes in they have no option but stand right next to him and potentially get his piss-splash-back down their trousers.

    I have mentioned to him in a jokey kinda way that he is breaking the ‘unwritten urinal rule’, which I’ve clearly made up but he’s not taking in the hint.

    How is it not obvious that you’d go to an empty outside one first to leave a space if someone else comes in?

    Or am I just a freak?

    slimjim78
    Member

    No urinals in the gents at my office, just a row of sticky floored cubicles with the remnants of a thousand pisses splashed liberally over them.

    I’ve used the immaculate disabled loo since day 1. Has great arm rests for prolonged CoC play sessions.

    mudshark
    Member

    Do I check for what?

    What you said in you post?!

    slimjim78
    Member

    Was mid flow in a pub loo in Windsor once – when (no lie) Natalie Imbruglia wanders in and stares right at me.

    She chose the wrong door (apparently). Best piss ever?

    mindmap3
    Member

    the three pisser sequence is as follows

    furthest from door
    nearest to door
    middle

    This…it’s the rules!

    We don’t have any in the new offices so it’s not an issue, so its traps only however the staff shower has a toilet sign on it which always catches visitors out…although I din’t think anyone has pissed in there…yet.

    The urinals in the old place were way too close together and there wasn’t room to two side by side if one of the larger chaps was using one of them!

    Gary_M
    Member

    If the room is empty when you go in where do you stand, the one nearest the door, the middle one or the one furthest from the door?

    Generally people will choose a urinal where people won’t walk behind them, so the one furthest from the door. When you’re taking a pish, you’re vulnerable to attack – from a psychological perspective although in some pubs this may also be a real life scenario.

    Anyway the guy may know this and just wants to mess with your head.

    wilko1999
    Member

    We’ve only got two in a row in our gents at work. The problem is they are so close together that you have to properly rub shoulders with the guy next to you. There is a 12ft long wall and they put the urinals about 6 inches apart.

    Don’t forget to repeatedly spit.

    Why is it people do that?

    Don’t forget to repeatedly spit.

    Why is it people do that?

    Lubrication?

Viewing 40 posts - 1 through 40 (of 83 total)

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