The mass of men live lives of quiet desperation ?

Blimey .. big hugs to you lot .. my troubles are seemingly minor compared to what many of you are coping with or have been through.
I doubt I could cope with half the things many of you struggle with .. not without alcohol which is now history or I will be.
I simply live with an unfulfilled life despite having done so much which is accompanied by depression and anxiety (they say) and an intense fear of the future ..( not death but mental anguish)
I am hijacked regularly with numerous unpleasant bodily symptoms of anxiety etc which debilitate me and lead to meltdowns which require weeks to recover from . Because of this pattern and despite numerous therapies meds etc I cannot commit to be reliable in any workplace despite needing one to survive. Any form of mental stress and I crumble.
As a younger man I was strong and confident and have been round the world searching? as I said in a previous post. I guess searching for a better way through this life. The default path was not for me and made me feel trapped.I even appeared on the generation game with Bruce! ( YT link ..if interested! ) ..I accept though that was unlikely to lead to enlightenment!
Am I unwell or just not very compatible with the society we live in ?
There I go again .. talking about myself ..constantly preoccupied with how I feel and wanting a release. Oh for the peace a bottle of whisky would bring!. .. I can’t/won’t go there though as the cost is too high .
To all fellow sufferers ..let’s keep talking and try to release the internal pressure we all feel and are desperate to be rid of.
I come back to this thread regularly and read all the posts so your words won’t be wasted.
Love to all
Bill

Big hug back to you @kaiser
Re the other posts, I guess there’s always someone worse off than you.
And I think however big or small your problem is, they are all equally relevant.
It’s just when people say what helps them and you know for you it wouldn’t even touch the sides, it kind of makes you feel worse. But that gives you a chance to say something so it all helps.
My post came at my worst time. It’s not always that bad.
Nothing wrong with talking about yourself either. Don’t feel guilty about that because that is just holding it in.

A lot of this resonates with me too. I think the main problem is the mind is a brilliant tool for problem solving but not so great when it turns in on itself for whatever reason. I think many people fill their lives with things to buy and things to do so they never have time to sit down and listen to what is going on in their heads. But then again maybe I am just jealous of what I don’t have 🙂

I am very reclusive largely down to OCD and there are many days when I wake up and wish I hadn’t. Cycling can be a release but OCD tends to attack the very things you want the most so sometimes it brings more unhappiness than joy.

Peace of mind for me and a few others by the looks of it is what we want rather than happiness which is fleeting anyway but it can be so difficult to find it and I sometimes think I never will (late 50s) but you have to keep trying.

Think someone else said it in this thread, knowing there are so many others who have similiar feelings doesn’t actually make me feel any better, just makes me wish they didn’t.

Ok
The Polish gave me free flowers
And when I had a little cash
I give to them
303
The Lithuanian guy helped me.
The English bakari
Gave me free birthday breakfast
The Asian s Muslim Hindu Sikh help me
The neighbours
Help me even though they work hard
An i don’t
My family help me
Even though i Langer s cur
A Cara
An Mutha help me mor.
Ae IOU
An durrus a perception
Al drs hoax Lee
I thank you
An OrSi
An 1 cur
An Cluck
Sulky, moi?
Cartrouble
Adam AnSeo
Toots Maytell
Broadway Jungle
Bryon Gysan
Words of advice to young people
Psychotic or psycho active
Paddy an Polish fizzi water
And Green
TAPXYH
Is pikey champagne
Around a bonnie fire
Alec Le Tempo
Recolte
Mc Solarr

Thanks op i find this
Good
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An
Arse me is!?!

Thanks moderator s i jest
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AnGra.

Wakdjuncka
An americean folktale
Universalli
Thank you wished Indian
Club
Na Hurley
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An Paddy
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Robert JohnSon

Apologies
fa na mention
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I jest bean drinkin

Stopping that is the first step out of desperation I suspect.

Hahaha!?!

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Enufffff

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Apologies op
This is my therapy
After
Drs
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Sort YOURSELF Out
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For me ai you
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The end3?

Thanks op
That reality
Help
Me
I absolutely apologise to you
And all a good people
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Any q.?

A demain
tournicotain

A Cara?
Charity
303
Still
Poteen
+ 1 mor….
Ya cean good people?
Stop this and trust drs!!!?
I take as i find
A cean a chor…………………………………….,e……….hehheheha

I am feeling tired
Of this
Krs1
Hear
The sound an na
Polis
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Bass i🙃

Read some existential philosophy. It helped me come to peace with the meaning less of it all because we can infact choose to give life whatever meaning we want. Jump in and embrace the absurdity of it all!

As Rick Sanchez says

When You Know Nothing Matters, The Universe is Yours.

Which is kind of a Jean Paul Satre type of thing I think.

The key to enduring life is not pleasure but meaning as meaning will give both the necessary pleasure and pain but the pain will be something that you will endure for meaning.

Finding that meaning is hard, on a practical level for me it’s about having goals, doesn’t matter if they are long term of or short term doesn’t matter if I reach them or not it’s the focus. When there is no goals to aim for the more the mind delves to dark places.

The first I feel the more short term goals, at other times I can just concentrate on something that is a week or a month a way and the small things flow. When the crazyness comes the goal need to be multiple per hour. No hard and fast rules. That’s just me.

Life is basically a constant battle to figure out how to deal with life, if you’re lucky you’ll figure it out and then you’ll die. Even if you don’t figure it out you can try everything you can and enjoy it. Enjoy the pain enjoy the pleasure.

There are so many quotes but to end on a nice one.

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power

Form the Tao Te Ching

I don’t post on here much, but this thread is interesting. Fundamentally I am miserable.

I have a wife and 3 lovely kids, v well paid job etc etc etc, but I have no freedom. It often feel like the only time I will get freedom is when I drop dead.

Constant demands are made of me from 1000 different directions. If I push back I just get abuse. I couldn’t even rest when I had covid so she could go out for day and left me with kids to look after. When I complained afterwards was told I was controlling.

Would love to get off this carousel of work, money, stuff. But it will be impossible unless I leave the wife and that will destroy the kids. What’s a man to so?

Ravingdave are you me?

Have you had that conversation with your wife?

Try making a list of all the times you did something you wanted to do, in the last three, six, twelve months and show her. If she doesn’t care, then it really does sound like you have an issue.

It’s been had before, I’m then told to ‘just do what I want’ which then makes me feel bad and am told that she can’t win. For her life is purely about the kids, whereas I am seeking a bit more balance, apparently that is wrong.

The fact that she goes out with friends goes to shows, goes for dinner, goes wild swimming is not the same at all…

So many men I know seem to hit those kind of relationship issues. Two of my closest friends have finally separated in the last year and moved on with their lives.

I’ve certainly felt like that at times, we seem to have a better balance now, but it’s something that depends on good communication in a relationship, or highlights the lack of it.

Ravingdave …You’ll probably find a fair few married men with families feel the same underneath it all despite insisting otherwise. Sounds really oppressive to me and I feel for you . You obviously want to avoid conflict but sounds like the wife has the upper hand and is playing it to get what she wants which isn’t exactly healthy, fair or tbh very caring. This thread isn’t about marriage counselling but my gut reaction is that you need to start having regular time for yourself whether she likes it or not . I’d ask her whether she cares about your needs and happiness rather than just her own and the kids. No need to divorce .. but the balance is wrong and change is needed so the whole family can be happy and that includes you having time out each week to have a little freedom.
Doing your own thing without the others doesn’t mean you love the family any less but being given the go ahead/approval without being made to feel guilty ( many women are naturally skilled in this I have found! ) could make a big difference to you ..a man who obviously works hard and rarely gets a break .
You’re being taken for granted and your wife probably won’t like the truth ..most people don’t like to hear they are controlling which is exactly what she called you as she probably knows underneath it’s the other way round but is seemingly fine with that which imho is pretty selfish .
If you can’t get anywhere with the subject I’d have a few sessions with a counsellor and the two of you . Good luck and feel free to ignore my suggestions … I’ve a life full of problems myself (although I am able to do whatever I want whenever I want within reason) . ..just trying to help as it sounds a xxxx situation . Men particularly need time away from everything .. for most of our evolution we went out away from the family and hunted and still need that freedom today ..hence the garden shed for many . The women stayed at home so perhaps that’s what your wife should do more of .. tell her to get her friends round whilst you go out .

I personally would go crazy in that situation

Just seen morecashthan dash confirmed my suspicions re it being common whilst I was typing out the previous comment.

When I complained afterwards was told I was controlling.

I know it’s not great to jump to conclusions from one side of a story, but it sounds like she might be the controlling one.

Consider your options mate.

It’s always nice to see a thread descend into lazy sexist stereotypes (roll eyes emoticon).
I’m sorry @kaiser but I find your post really offensive. It helps neither men nor women to be pigeonholed that way. You may want to check the calendar. You’ll find we are in the 21st century now. As for women playing the victim role, some do for sure, some men do too. I’m sure more women than men do but that is because that’s a role that’s been assigned to them. Women are still seen to a degree as damsels in distress, that kind of thing. It’s changing of course but posts like yours show just how far we’ve still got to go.
Hug officially taken back!

@ravingdave why do you say it will destroy your kids if you leave?
Obviously I don’t know what the atmosphere is like at home but kids tend to do better with two happy or happier people who live apart than two unhappy people who live together.
Don’t underestimate what staying in a dysfunctional relationship will do to the two of you but also your kids. And the effects can be lifelong.
I speak as someone whose parents loathe each other but were and still are in a toxic, co-dependent relationship that neither has ever been able to get out of.
The damage it has caused to them and to me and my sister is very evident even to this day.
The best thing you can do for your kids, if you really can’t make it work with their mother, is to split.

I’ve been reading my edition of the Tao Te Ching again (the Stephen Mitchell translation). The somewhat nebulous nature of the teachings help steer me towards a happier outlook in my own particular anarchic way.

IF I didn’t have children who depend on me I’d be swallowed up by existential angst most days.

Best of luck OP.

Hug officially taken back!

Whilst we’re on the subject of being PC, don’t make support conditional! Everyone needs help especially on this thread.