The excuses we cyclists use.

Last night I was messing around on the local jumps when a group or riders showed up. A few said no way would they try the jumps which is fair enough. One gobby bloke was telling them how he has done them before and when they asked him to show them he said he was on the wrong bike, an orange 5. The jumps are pretty much perfect for an orange 5 and most are dh style ski jumps and drops rather than bmx style kickers. I think he lost some credibility with his mates.

The other excuses I commonly hear are from people clipped in not jumping, going down really steep stuff and not being able to wheelie or bunny hop.

I did hold back from trying a few new bigger jumps last night though and my excuse was not wanting to mash myself up before my holiday in a couple of days. It wasn’t the jump that scared me. It would be the wife’s reaction to a ruined holiday.

A lad I have recently started riding with has a bmx background and jump size seems to have no influence on him at all. He just hits whatever he sees and normally tricks it second go. I think I will need to get a few excuses in the bag ready for the coming months when he starts hitting bigger stuff than me as he gets more used to the MTB.

So what excuses do you use or commonly hear when riding?

“It was orange”

My own. I suck at jumping, and always have.

“is the ride today?? I’, already doing something” after you’ve, txt, FB and whatsapp’d the time, place and even expected weather about 25 times in the previous month and they said at least twice they are “excited” about it

maybe it’s my aftershave

I usually use the excuse of ‘singlespeed’ when I have to get off and push up the side of the quarry near ours 😆

Aldridge Priors make me laugh though.

What? Ride uphill??!!

I suck at jumping, and always have.

^ this

I’ve not got enough air in my shox/tyres……

I always thought honesty was the best policy, so I either used “I’m scared” or “I can’t be bothered”

I don’t mind jumps, just not the ones with holes in the middle.

wrong bike/tyres
tired
injured
never been before

Just a ‘no thanks’ from me. I don’t need to share my fears, they are for bottling up, tis the only healthy thing for them.

When I’m knackered climbing a switchback hill-trail – smooth cadence increasingly falls prey to stompy angst and I lose traction on the back wheel.

“Gah, these ***** TYRES!”

One gobby bloke was telling them how he has done them before and when they asked him to show them he said he was on the wrong bike,

These are the best sorts of cyclists though, the “competitive dads”

There was one who used to sometimes appear at our local haunts, and regale us with tales of him riding A-Line in Whistler. Then you’d see him in action and think “I wonder if all that really happened?”

He was sound though.

Try and avoid excuses, just go with “I’m shit”.

if i was younger and more wreckless then maybe

I can’t jump so need for an excuse. Apparently I was the first person to fail Jedi’s course so it’s official.

If I’m not comfortable with something it’s usually just “…Nah.” . I value my teeth more than impressing someone I don’t even know. 😀

I typically just go with ‘I’m an xc mincer’

honesty being the best policy and all.

The problem comes when I’m still too scared on an xc ride/race.

edit. I have been known to follow up with ‘I used to be able to do sh!t like that when i was a kid.’ which is in fact true, though I doubt anyone seeing me ride would believe it!

Try and avoid excuses, just go with “I’m shit”.

Me too. And normally add on ‘I’m too scared’.

I’ll just put my hand up and admit I’m too crap or scared

One guy I know claimed it was “the wrong kind of dirt” for him to ride well on 😆

A. Being shit at jumps.
B. Being shit scared of jumps.
C. Being 56.

Hip, rib and head injuries in the past 4 years, all help prove A, cause B and C should really know better .

I suck, although I do try on my BMX. I am just scared/scarred too.

Related, this was funny: https://dirtmountainbike.com/features/dodge-gnar-17-lamest-excuses-mountain-biking.html

No helmet and an old bike is my passport to pootle.

If i can’t go to work then my kids won’t eat and I’ll end up homeless?

CTE isn’t cool.

“Eff that. It’s massive” is my heartfelt reply. I think it comes easier as you get older / more comfortable with your wimpiness

Crap uphill – I’m too unfit.
Crap at jumps and steep stuff – I’ve not got the skill not to hurt myself.

Both valid. I dont care. I know I’m pants.

God told me not to do it.

As my username suggests I’m not usually airborne too long

Yeah, nice try. Like I’m gonna give you lot all my best excuses for free.

My buddy and I go all the way to Whistler, Canada. We are sessioning the Schyleyer trail in the bike park.

We find a cool feature after the ladder drop, it looks like an upside down cereal bowl made from rock, and we work out if you jump the ladder drop you have good speed to do a nice whip over the rock feature. You can roll over the top of it if you like as there’s no gap.

2 guys roll up. They ask what we are doing so we do the ladder drop and the rock mound. We are just amazed with Whistler and suggest they try our line as it’s great fun.

Wrong suspension setup. Wrong tires. Then we notice the Aston Hill DH development shirts and realise these are the same guys we met a month before at woburn sands..who wouldn’t ride any of the freeride lines…small world!

I’ve just ridden into the back of a Jaguar.

It’s not something that’s ever bothered me.. I just ride nice trails for the scenery and fitness… no interest in DH or doing back flips or whatever..mind tou I don’t tend to hang around jump parks either.. I’d rather be out doing proper riding lol!

‘I fell off once & thought I’d broke my neck, but it was just my teeth cracking’

I can neither wheelie, jump, bunnyhop or trackstand either. My son can though.
He’s 29. I’m 59.

“Today I will not ride that because I don’t have the ability/confidence/my head on straight enough/not feeling on it enough to do it.”

I’m not sure that’s really an excuse as such. I might take a more cautious view on my very racy geometry, v-braked 90s hardtail on some steeper stuff but ultimately for what I’m capable of riding 9 times out of 10 it’s really about whether I feel up to it at that moment.

There was one who used to sometimes appear at our local haunts, and regale us with tales of him riding A-Line in Whistler. Then you’d see him in action and think “I wonder if all that really happened?”

Ha, A-Line is a really easy trail… everything is rollable so don’t be impressed by that!

“Surviving” A-Line, though, is an entirely different matter – unless you have eyes in the back of your head you are likely to be steam-rolled

Related, this was funny:Here’s a good resource of perfectly valid excuses: https://dirtmountainbike.com/features/dodge-gnar-17-lamest-excuses-mountain-biking.html

Jump their kitchen ornaments before helitape and the social media unveiling, I think not.