@reluctantjumper

This sounds like a premise to a romcom. Where the lead (you) finds love in the least likely of places.

You’ll meet someone I’m sure of it, just don’t be so hard on yourself. But you will very likely have to get yourself ‘outthere’ more to increase your chances of meeting someone.

Get on meet up and try some of your local events.

https://www.meetup.com/lp/meetup.com/lp/how-to-group-start

Or try some local Facebook clubs that also meet up, like local walking/nature groups etc.

This sounds like a premise to a romcom.

If you break them down, lots of Hollywood Rom Coms are pretty much just either grand gestures, stalking, ghosting or straight up lying, No wonder folks are confused about relationships.

I know everyone means well, but I’m not sure it’s really very healthy generally to keep punting the message of “oh, it’ll happen when you least expect it, just keep holding on”. If people are happy, then, that’s what’s important, right?

If people are happy, then, that’s what’s important, right?

Yes, i took a year off completely after the divorce, did nothing, no dating, rode my bike, bought toy cars and lego worked out who I was as a person, rather than half a couple.
Redecorated the bedroom (i kept the house).
Then spent a year or so just having fun. Not looking for anything except the odd date and a bit of fun (yes, i was upfront about that!)
Then after that, started leaving myself open to see what happened. And that first couple of years meant i was pretty happy in myself, didn’t need anyone else.

And if real people did what happened in Hollywood romcoms, the prison population would be three times what it is now.

I met MrsMC on a charity walk up Ben Nevis. Doing something that interests you will mean you have more chance of meeting someone with a shared interest that will open unexpected possibilities..

Yep, I  met a former partner when we joined a running club together

Those pointing out the role of hormones in the fabled “lightning bolt” moment are spot on.

I’ve fallen head over heels 3 times. Fancying the pants off them is a key element. I’m lucky in that I’m still with number 3 after 13 years. But if i found myself single at 51, with a small beer belly and a shaved head, it would take someone well out of my league to get me going again.

Never tbh. And at 53 dont think I will.
Weird parents and about a 2 on the hot or not scale means probably not destined to meet anyone.
I just get on with existing, and try to minimise drama when possible.

how many ?
1,2,3,4 and 5.

1) back in ’87 when I was 17 and she was 16 – together for six years and bought a house (thought it was going to last forever!)
2) in ’93 way too soon after (1) and she turned out to be mental – destroyed me that did.
3) in ’96 after a couple of years singledom. She was ace, a horse riding instructor. Restored my faith in women but was obvs still hung up about her ex so that had to end.
4) in ’99. Quirky French lady we were together four/five yrs and rented a couple of places together. One day she just upped and left!
5) in 2011 after many yrs enjoying singledom met a Peruvian from Iquitos in the Amazon rainforest whilst travelling. Probably had some of the best times in my life travelling around with her. Was like waking up next to godess every morning, honestly thought I was in heaven. Had to move on to New Zealand though and although we kept in touch for a while it just faded out. Still friends on FB.

fast forward to 2022 and after nearly 30yrs apart I’m back with (1) – happy as can be 🙂

Never in my life ever logged into a dating site btw.

I quite enjoyed that little story Keva

A romcom?! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 It would bomb even if it could get commissioned!

You’ll meet someone I’m sure of it, just don’t be so hard on yourself. But you will very likely have to get yourself ‘outthere’ more to increase your chances of meeting someone.

I have so little free time at the moment that just seeing friends, family and doing any of my hobbies is a tough ask right now, let alone anything new! I did try the dating apps and speed dating once, a complete fail on both. The speed dating was a particularly good one as I went to five separate nights at a local pub, 20+ women at each one. I left with the dubious honour of the only bloke to go to five consecutive nights and not get one single person put my name down as a match. The organiser even offered to refund me the fifth night’s fee but I just left and gave up on the idea.

Raaaaargh!

This thread has taken me down memory lane….

Was particularly interested in birds as a teenager. More interested in London clubs, drugs and dicking about with a couple of mates.

Always saw my uncle as the kind of person I would end up being… never married, had no kids, retired at 50 and spent his time doing whatever he wanted. He’s still so content.

At 19 I went travelling (any excuse to leave the shithole I grew up in). I met a girl in Australia. She was from Munich, me from Essex. Returned back home and thought that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t. She visited me, I rode there.

Few years long distance… Me taking lots of time off and her doing her work experience uni stuff in London helped. In 2008 I went over to the Vaterland.

21 years later and we’re still together and I think stronger than ever.

Although, that doesn’t mean there haven’t been moments in that time that I’ve questioned what we’re doing. Some of those moments initiated because of other girls I’ve met.

One from Brazil who was wow and I still see occasionally.

One from San Francisco who was massively on my wavelength and a right laugh.

Both had me questioning the idea of monogamy.

Was particularly interested in birds as a teenager

Are you Chris Packham?

Both had me questioning the idea of monogamy.

A bit of the old polyamory on the cards then 😉

Five. Difficult to express just how much I’m missing my most recent friend and partner – we got together around thirty years after we first met.

I don’t hold out much hope of meeting someone like her again.

Count – never say never. Amongst the folk I know who have had a partner die at our sort of age about half find someone else within a couple of years and the other half don’t so the odds are not that bad.

sent you a PM

Really only once, had a fair few lustful relationships but only one that stole my heart.

After 38 years together she passed away, can’t say I’m looking for love any more. I hope you others like Count & TJ find happiness but I don’t think I will ever find the pure connection with another person I had.

Was particularly interested in birds

…

A bit of the old polyamory

Mr overshoot – I’m in the same position – after all those decades growing together with someone that can never be recaptured but it doesn’t mean there might not be some companionship or even love to be found. I know folk who have from similar positions.

Count – never say never.

sent you a PM

Should I buy a (cowboy) hat?

I know everyone means well, but I’m not sure it’s really very healthy generally to keep punting the message of “oh, it’ll happen when you least expect it, just keep holding on”. If people are happy, then, that’s what’s important, right?

Bang on. 20 year marriage here followed by a 1 year relationship and an 8 year one which I ended last year.

My two adult daughters live with me which keeps me on my toes, stressful job, but I’m away mountain biking in the motorhome most weekends and really couldn’t be happier with my lot. Got my shit squared away really. Will almost certainly live like this till I drop. Just have no interest in actively looking for another partner. Totally selfish but I just cant imagine having to consider someone else in my plans.

Lolz @scotroutes

@cougar

Poly want a cracker?

I thought I was in love 3 or 4 times in my life but looking back I’m not sure I really was. The last woman I was in a relationship with I thought was the real thing, it was definitely different to previous relationships. We had a spark that I hadn’t felt before. It ended 3 months ago and looking back it was probably lust more than love, I realise it was quite superficial from here.

Probably only once – I met my current other half 30 years ago (i’m 50 in a few weeks)
We had a few breaks in the early days, longest was a bit over year, when we both had relationships with others – i really liked the girl i spent some time with, but looking back it was infatuation, rather than a proper connection.

We’ve been married 15 years and have 2 teenage girls.

Being honest i’m pretty close friends with a girl at work at the moment – nothing physical has happened, and won’t either as i’m not the cheatin’ kind, but the lust fire is burning pretty bright – need try and put it it out.

tjagain mrOvershoot & CountZero

My brother is living proof that it can happen again, he was fairly quick off the mark after his wife of 36yrs died but as he said he had already been mourning her for the previous 10yrs as MS ate away at her. Equally I know plenty of people who have had their partners pass away and are happy in their single skin. Best wishes to you all either way.

23 to 39 with the same woman, then after a rough spell she calls time on it this January.

I’d echo the above, Interesting, Hot, Baggage, pick two would be my version.

You’ve got to be a bit more open minded as you get older.

Current prospect is interesting and an absolute stunner, but has a 15 month old and a a violent Ex.

I’m seeing it as picking up an 18 month old Santa Cruz!

Failed toxic relationships, marriage… gave up and decided to be a life long bachelor – then at 38 met the woman of my dreams:). 8 years later and we now have a nine month old.

You really never do know what’s round the corner – I’m not going to say, don’t give up, but keep your heart open to opportunity

Dickyboy

tjagain mrOvershoot & CountZero

My brother is living proof that it can happen again, he was fairly quick off the mark after his wife of 36yrs died but as he said he had already been mourning her for the previous 10yrs as MS ate away at her. Equally I know plenty of people who have had their partners pass away and are happy in their single skin. Best wishes to you all either way.

Carolyn was MS too, it does change your relationship you just can’t escape that, perhaps the 10 years as a primary carer plus a stressful job means for the moment (its been 3 years since she died https://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/im-in-need-of-some-support-from-you-lot-sad-content-im-afraid/ ) I am happy to just be with me.

I’ve always been a self reliant sort of person and at the moment having to share day to day stuff with someone else doesn’t appeal, though a recent stay in hospital did highlight some support issues.

In a way I feel more for you that have had a relationship breakup as at least we parted still in love.

Divorced with 3 kids and engaged to be married again. This time it’s real, looking back at the previous I don’t think I was ever really happy (maybe when we first got together as teens), rather didn’t know anything else.

Now I know it’s real, she may infuriate me every now and again but that fizzles out rapidly.

I spent a couple of years single and getting over the divorce, it was hard setting up a new life for myself and kids but that was my focus. I wasn’t interested in women during that time, though towards the time of getting with my current one I was certainly starting to get lonely.

Sometimes if you want it to happen, you have to make a way for it to happen. Other times if you aren’t feeling you want it to happen, then bask in the life you have and live it, enjoy it. No matter what circumstances be they easy or challenging, life has to be lived when you are able to live it.

I’ve always been a self reliant sort of person and at the moment having to share day to day stuff with someone else doesn’t appeal,

yes, all of this, but don’t exclude maybe finding someone you want to share day to day stuff with…

I’m a bit of a mess, me. I spent the last… ooh 8 years with someone, trying NOT to fall for them, gradually I did… then we spilt up and I’m obsessed. She doesn’t wanna know though.

That was after a loooong time with the only woman I’ll ever marry. I messed that up too. Arf.

3. And the last one really messed me around mentally and have been single ever since.

Thanks for the responses everyone, it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own head a bit bit this thread helped me know it’s not just me going through life in a slightly random way.

Had a quick date last Sunday which I’ll not take any further and have another potential on the cards, I’m not trying to force it, but if I dint try a bit I could very easily end up sitting around in my own forever. I get the break thing and people not wanting to be tied down, but it’s been like that for most of my adult life so I’m keen to see what the other side looks like.

I’ll see if there’s any meet up style things going on, they sound good and more my style, I did try speed dating earlier in the year but it was quite a small pool, but kind of fun in a waaay out if my comfort zone kind if way.