Pregnancy at 40?

Hello All,

I need some thoughts here…i’m in a long term relationship (until Jennifer Lawrence comes along! Wa wa waaah!) where we both didn’t fancy kids at all. The girlfriend has started dropping hints, big hints with neon signs on….i’m not adverse to it all really, but equally not bothered if we don’t pursue it…i have a Visla to turn my attention to! 🙂

I know about ladies fertility declining after mid 30’s and of course the possible complications of a later pregnancy etc. We have the support network if needed.

Has anyone got any stories on here has it been good? Difficult? An emotional roller coaster? Indifferent??

Cheers folks!

You’ll still have a child at home in your 60s

Rather you than me

We had our last child at the ripe old age of 41. The little guy’s a good ‘un, and there were no complications or health issues with Mrs SR.

We’ve been very fortunate. Thank goodness.

Missus was 40 when she got pregnant(finally, had been trying for 8 or 9 years with no luck) 41 when she had the little tornado

No complications other than gestational diabetes but that only lasted as long as the pregnancy. She also had gall bladder problems that were nothing to do with the pregnancy

The only issues we’ve had was that we had become very used to not having kids and become a bit set in our ways. Having to then wake up at 2am for feeding and driving round town at 4am because she just will not shut up were a bit hard to get to grips with, but almost two years later and I really can’t remember what life was like without her

i’m not adverse to it all really, but equally not bothered if we don’t pursue it…

Think very carefully my friend. It’s for life, not just for Christmas.

Get some pets. Bollox to having another kid at my age.

Do it, cycling will keep you young anyway,

It’s how it happened for us, 6 years ago now. Life changing in the best of ways. Will post more this evening, currently hanging out with jr at the living rainforest!

It’s not unusual, and who cares what anyone else thinks.

And if you don’t do it now, it’ll never happen – although glad mine are 21,20 and 17 y/o.

If you are financially viable, healthy with plenty of love then go for it.

Age is not a problem so long as you have the above.

😀

Of course there is the potential for complications but a great many people have children much older now and although *statistically* you are at higher risk, it doesn’t mean anything bad *will* happen.

Good luck!

one of my colleagues was 40 when she got pregnant. they’d been trying for years and had all but given up hope when she found out she was expecting. she had more than the usual number of checks and scans etc…but i think that was more due to the fact that she had quite a few unsuccessful pregnancies earlier on.
everything went well as far as a could recall and the had a normal delivery and her daughter is now 6. a few years later she got pregnant again and again had no complications.

my mum was 40 when my little sister was born.

Some useful reading if you’re fairly non-committal about it all…

http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/new-dad-mtb-tips

Missus was 40 when she got pregnant(finally, had been trying for *x* years with no luck) 41 when she had the little tornado

Same boat here, she’s just coming up 4 months old.

Hard work – yes, financial worry – yes, awesome – yes.

It was a real emotional roller coaster in the years we were trying – life crises, melt downs, tantrums, LONG moody periods. In terms of age and fertility, you have to become very attuned to her monthly cycle and do it when you have to do it, not when you fancy doing it, which may or may not coincide and can really take the romance out of things. That said, after years of trying it was a random drunken fumble that got us there. Hmmm, or so I thought… But don’t hang about.

As the midwife said to us at our very first, surreal appointment, go into it with your eyes open. Ask for extra scans (they might happen anyway), get Downs testing and be ready to make tough decisions IF difficulties arise. We consider ourselves very lucky to have breezed through it all with no problems beyond sickness in the first 3 months (for her, I was fine thanks).

Part of me wishes I’d done it earlier, but there’s point dwelling on that – you can’t go back. So if you want kids get on with it.

And for all those saying ‘glad I didn’t leave it too long’ – everyone is very different and circumstances are always different. I couldn’t see myself ever being a dad when I was in my thirties, but something happened when I hit 40 and I suddenly wanted them. It was a pain to then find I was a Jaffa and we had to go through the rollercoster of IVF. Fortunately it worked out and we have 6 year old twins now.

For *us* we did it at the right time.

I think it’s better to have kids later on in life…..as the people who have kids younger find they are missing out …they want to clubbing, hang with their mates
Where as us oldies have been there and done it….so 90% of my free time is spent with my kid ….

40 is still young in these days….and being sixy ain’t really that old no more……so it’s no biggie

Go for it …kids are great!!…..the more effort you put in your kid ..the better they are!!

As someone who has been through IVF at an earlier age I wouldn’t delay. If you are wanting kids then why wait. The longer you wait the less chance you will have later. It’s not only women that could have complications at an older age but you will become less fertile too as the quality of your sperm deteriorates. Whilst there is help in the form of IVF etc for her you will have none.

Lots to consider and only you and your partner can ultimately decide. Kids will completely turn your life updide down, make no mistake, and it’s much easier to deal with when you are younger. But I would not tell anyone who wants kids that they shouldn’t have them, so long as they were able to provide a good life for them.

A friend of mine had a third at 41. I don’t envy them I must say, but they have cracked on and it all seems very normal given they already had two older kids before. I guess all i’d say is that if you feel you can give the kid all the attention they need (and they will need alot) then go for it. Better to have old good parents than bad younger parents.

I was at a reunion event at my old college in Oxford last year. Most of the women there had had their first child after the age of 35.
Apparently in Oxford there is a doctor who specialises in such pregnancies and they all said he made the difference, as he could guide them through the process and know all the potential complications.

We leave nothing behind on this earth except our kids. Yes having them is tough but ultimately very much with it IME. Plenty of first time parents in their 40’s. I had mine at 25, 27 and 31 but there are many different ways to live your life and no strict formula you must follow. If you are serious you should have some fertility tests to gauge your chances and then consider any IVF/assistance. From what I understand its not free on the NHS after 40 for the woman. I think its fairly unlikely your wife will fall pregnant totally naturally after 40 if shes never had kids or a pregnancy before. You need to get some professional advice.

badnewz, have you got contact details for that doctor? I could do with some advice on pPROMs.

Spend some time in London and you’ll realise that nowadays loads of people are becoming parents for the first time in their 40s. Always notice it when I go home now.

and it’s much easier to deal with when you are younger

I’d say it could easily be the other way around though – I don’t agree with that statement.

From what I understand its not free on the NHS after 40 for the woman

IVF eligibility is decided at local Trust level – some Trusts still provide no free at the point of service IVF for anyone, some one cycle, some three, some for X criteria, others for Y, and more for Z. You need to check local.

http://www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/889.aspx?CategoryID=54

Bear in mind the extra costs of going abroad during the school hols.

Do it now. You’ll manage the financial issues, they are less important.
Putting kids off is the biggest mistake I or my friends made, and I was only 33 for the first.
You can be friends & active with a child 25 years younger than you, in a way that is impossible with a 45 year gap.
Do it now.

We had our daughter when I was 37, my Wife was 31 I personally don’t feel any older or slower than I did 15 years ago, but judging by the state of some of my old school friends I saw at a funeral a couple of months ago lots of people in their late thirties have given up, and look like their lives are a shuffle from office to sofa to pub to fridge. So in terms of raising a baby general fitness and wellbeing are far more important than how many birthdays you’ve had IMHO.

Saying that, the other side, the pregnancy is different – we live longer than previous generations, we’re younger for longer than previous generation but that doesn’t mean that women’s bodies have changed the best age for a women to have the best chance of conceiving and carry a healthy baby full-term is shockingly young, 19 or something which really is at odds with how society is today. Most people what to start a family in their 30’s which the NHS considerers an ‘older Mum’ fertility in Women drops a lot at 30 and whilst they may not be menopausal some women can’t conceive as early as 35.

So expect lots of references to being “older mum” most tests offered, less options for Birth etc depending how it all goes.

On a personal level, being ‘indifferent’ to becoming a father could be a recipe for disaster, saying that I was ‘indifferent’ but the moment I saw her everything changed at once, for some Dads that doesn’t happen.

There’s a Lady in our office who’s just become pregnant at 44! Her BF is 62! I bet he shit a brick, on a more sombre note, he’s got a 50/50 chance of seeing him/her finish High School.

My parents were around that age when I popped along (me mum was 39, dad was 42, I think) – they were both gone before I turned 30. From that point of view, I wouldn’t have children that late on, it’s rubbish not having parents around.

be aware that exhaustion from sleep deprivation will kick you in the pants harder at the age of 40 than it would at 25 so think about doing your current jobs when you’ve both been repeatedly awake all night…

jambalaya – Member

We leave nothing behind on this earth except our kids.

Pfft! Speak for yourself. The massive stockpile of nuclear waste I’ve been illegally dumping will last waaaay longer than your kids 😀

I had kids in my early 30’s. Now the wrong side of 40 I wonder how I’d have coped with them if, back then, I’d been as achey, world-weary and generally nackered as I am now

Move to Liverpool. You’d be expected to be a grandparent at 40 😀

The massive stockpile of nuclear waste I’ve been illegally dumping will last waaaay longer than your kids

thats what happens when you have a diet consisting largely of Greggs pasties and rolls!! 😆

FWIW i was 30 when our first one was born and i was 37 when our youngest was born 18 months ago.
if the opportunity had presented itself then i would have got married sooner and started the family at a younger age…but TBH i’m happy the way things have turned out for me. one of my friends is 43 and his daughter is in her second year at university. i see the relationship he has with his kids at his age but i tell myself that i cant wait for my kids to be that age so we can do eve more fun and wacky stuff together!! 😀

Move to Liverpool. You’d be expected to be a grandparent at 40

my wife’s older sister is a grandparent at the age of 42!!

…..or Glasgow where it’s entirely appropriate for babies to wear a shell suit to their Grannies 30th birthday party. 😀

Had a colleague who had a babies at 41 and 44 with her second husband, the second was at the same time as her 17 year old daughter was expecting! All went well.

Had another colleague who had two post-40 pregnancies and they were very hard for her – she has asthma, which caused complications, and the second one broke her pelvis and required over a year of physio. That probably would have happened to her at any age though.

Not that anyone should dictate to anyone about when they should have children, I for one am fairly sure that I would have made a better parent if I waited to later on in life. But one thing to bear in mind if you are having kids at 40ish & your kids end up doing the same thing is that at 80 yrs you are more likely to need help looking after yourself than to be any assistance in helping out with your grand children 🙁

Not quite 40, but mrs had no fertility problems at all at 36 and 38 here, so it’s not necessarily so.

I left it late – the Missus will be almost 37 when we have our third and in her prime. Unfortunately I will be 44, having started at 39, and as Binners suggests, I feel completely worn out already, but that’s my fault for being a reproductive sexual tyrannosaurus.

Based on experience.

You need them grown up by the time you need to start looking after your parents. Helpful too if your parents are able to help at the right times; babysitting when they are younger and having somewhere for them to pop into when they are older.

I was exactly the same age (30 y/o) when we had my first that my Dad was when they had me.

There are a few more risks of things like autism, downs syndrome etc, but things get checked. I suppose the biggest question we faced was what to do if they were diagnosed with something wrong with them like downs or other problems.
My partner and I had our son when I was 34 and she was 44.
All good and our son is happy and healthy and 9 in a couple of months. You’ll cope just fine.

Time to start faking your orgasms.

Mrs GTi and I met late in life, married when I was 41 and she 39 and our son was born two years later. He came out arse-first but that was nothing to do with her age and he was delivered normally, which is unusual for extended breech nowadys as everyone is so risk-averse.

Anyway he’s 16 now and a perfectly normal lad. Yes, if I had my time again I’d start earlier but we enjoy good times cycling together and only another 18 months to go before he buys me the first pint.