Postie's trolley ditched outside our house – completely empty

The postie quite often leaves his trolley outside our garage whilst he delivers to the nearby houses, but it’s still out there tonight. I’m pretty sure he’s not still out on his rounds, although the lady at number 2 has been looking pretty lonely of late, so perhaps he’s become preoccupied.

I’ve peered into the mailbags and there’s nowt in it, which leads me to think he’s either forgotten to take it back to the depot (which seems unlikely, although it did lash down earlier so perhaps he just legged it back to base), or it’s been taken from elsewhere, robbed and abandoned (which also seems unlikely, given that it’s been left exactly where he’d usually leave it himself, in full view of a load of houses).

The Royal Mail helpline is shut for the night so I’m unsure what the protocol is in these situations. I’m thinking ‘forget about the trolley and have a glass of wine’ is probably the best course of action, but someone may suggest something more helpful.

so I’m unsure what the protocol is in these situations.

Wear dungarees? How would that help matters?

although the lady at number 2 has been looking pretty lonely of late

well, it’s illegal to sing “come on Eileen” while bazzin’ down a hill with mere trousers on

I’m thinking ‘forget about the trolley and have a glass of wine’ is probably the best course of action

What trolley?

Have a poo in it.

bruneep, that’s horrid – bad enough in the film, but slow motion & repeated is just nasty

*wince*
*wince*
*wince*
*wince*
*wince*
*wince*

etc

Hide concealed in trolley. Wait for drunken postie to remember the trolley, then get smuggled into The Sorting Office. Once inside lie under a pile of old mailbags and wait for your moment to steal all the chocolate money.

Have a poo in it.

You’re not in the The Bullingdon Club now, CFH.

How dare you, Jamie! How very dare you! To suggest that I was at that Slough comp.

(Was offered a place, mind you. Turned it down, as their rugby wasn’t up to snuff.)

Thanks for all your helpful suggestions.

As it turns out, I finished the wine and decided the best course of action was to don my dungarees, wander outside and boot the trolley into the middle of the road, shouting “AAAAAARRRRRFAAAAAGGGGAAAARRRRRFFFFF” as I did it, before stumbling back indoors.

Pretty sure the neighbours approved of the solution, as they all appear to be stood at their front windows and on the phone now, doubtless nominating me as Citizen Of The Year in the local paper awards.

You should have collected all the junk mail in the street and put it into the trolley so when he returns tomorrow, he gets a big surprise.

They are dangerous! Confiscate it. Sell it at an auction (like they do with stuff they confiscate!). 😈

Perhaps it wasn’t a ‘real’ postie. Were they wearing a University of East Anglia sweatshirt?

(Spitting Image 1987)

bruneep – Member

*Redacted*

Have a word with yourself!

Turned it down, as their rugby wasn’t up to snuff.

Does that mean there wasn’t any bum-finger interface whilst scrummaging?

This your gaff?

Have a poo in it.

leave a card in it saying you tried to pinch one off while they were out and and that they can collect the poo from the local depot

If it’s Sennies I’d smoke it.

Alternatively you’ve just scored yourself a (dangerously unstable) bike trailer

(Was offered a place, mind you. Turned it down, as their rugby wasn’t up to snuff.)

I call BS on that; you being offered a place, not the rugby fail.

It’s still there, which I think now means it belongs to me. Those are the rules, are they not?

That’s the wife’s Christmas present sorted. There you go my love, no more complaining about carrying the shopping up the hill.

I hope it has a surveillance camera watching it that is live feeding to the police you going up and repeatedly eyeing it up, checking out the height to see if pooing in it requires a step ladder or not, climbing in to see if you can hide inside it,

Maybe painting it so that it looks like a Yodel or UKmail van and see if it explodes due to having been somewhere other than the depot.

What happened

Send the local depot a card saying you tried to return the trolley, but they were out, so they can collect it from some obscure courier depot 150 miles away between 0635 and 0637. BUT DON’T COME FOR IT TODAY. LEAVE AT LEAST 24 HOURS COS WE WANT YOU TO THINK WE ACTUALLY BOTHERED TO BRING YOUR PARCEL, NOT JUST A HANDFUL OF RED CARDS.

Thinking about it, that is probably why they leave trolleys about the place, so the public buy into the myth that they ever try to deliver anything, ever.