Phrases you don't want to hear

“Could you just..” followed by something that’s usually quite tricky.

“bicycle helemts reduce risk by … study finds”

Oh I didn’t mean that, can you swap x to y. . .

after 3 hours work 👿

deffo not happened this morning/lunch

“…honestly the NHS will be better off to the tune of £350 million a week”!

“Can’t feel a pulse,does he have any contact details?”

Try not to tense, we’ll go on the count of three.

One.
Two.
ARGHHH!

Is it in yet?

“the surgery went fairly well”

“You should have been here yesterday ”

“Last run”

Noooooooooooooooooo ….never, ever call “last run”

“Sorry mate, we only serve extra cold”

“welcome to jail, this is your cell mate, Bubba”

“….what do you mean you have a twin sister..”

“I think One Direction are misunderstood musically”

“I used to be a BBC disc jockey in the 80’s”

Your dad’s better between the sheets than you……

Nerdy one but…

“vision quest” 🙄

As happen to be rewatching Star Trek Voyager. Skip that episode then.

From Mrs North: “Er, how much money have you got left in your bank account?”

(The answer is, inevitably: more than you, but not as much as you think because you spend mine almost as fast as you spend yours.)

New wheel/hub standard

“Just a quick question”

“you shure got a pretty mouth”

” squeal like a pig ”

Bacon is bad for you…..

While were here ill just check your colon,

“I’ve been thinking”

From the wife you just know its going to cost time & money

“I was just riding along/this job should be done under warranty”

“We don’t accept that form of ID”

*air being sucked through teeth*

“Oh, did you still want it?”

“Let’s watch Pearl Harbor!”

“I was wearing a wire”

Oooh, I have another one:

“I got you gig tickets for your birthday! Nickleback live at the xxxxxx”

Thats not my ring, its my watch.

“To be honest, I lost count in fresher’s week”

‘bring out the gimp’

Don’t worry we do this everyday

I’m not racist, but…

What’s the worst that can happen?

‘oh it’s like a little mushroom’

“It was like that when you gave it to me”

“This bit can be tricky but it’s fine if you hit it with plenty of speed”

‘I read on the internet that….’

I’ve been told I need a 160mm travel gnarpedo to ride Friston fast.

Can we just……(meaning can I spend all day slogging my guts out on DIY and trips to B&Q whilst she reads her bloody kindle and then when I’m tidying up I get asked where I’m walking the dogs……)

My mother rang/texted……..