Only in Oz

Mate claims this is from an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses.

Sounds fair dinkum to me. 🙂

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Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

A:Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
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Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney – can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )

A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns , Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )

A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q:Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )

A: A-Fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
… Oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q:Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )

A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A:Why? Just use your fingers like we do…
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Q:Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? ( USA )

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q:Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q:Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from..
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q:I have a question about a famous animal in Australia , but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
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Q:I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA )

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )

A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )

A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first

You missed casual Racists off the map.

Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

😀

You mean ‘dedicated racist’.

Nice list 🙂

I’ve seen plenty of kangaroos up and down the residential streets in Queanbeyan and that was before I hit the tinnies 😯

They forgot flies.

I saw a very similar list in Canada of dumb (American) tourist questions

I like that.

That is great!

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )

yes.

A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Whilst doing the drop bear sketch in the US the Ozzie girl at the other end of the table was trying so hard not to laugh as they really did buy the idea, backed up by the first image on a google search being

Where’s Mad Max? 😡

The only issue with the map is they’ve put “convicts” on the one bit of Australia which didn’t have convicts. There’s a reason why the Australian MoD is based in Adelaide…

That’s more Vic than sa, should have been over tassie though

We’re also proud of our surfing fish eating spiders

They are about the size of your hand.

Skinny dipping near one could be an unfortunate experience…

A python and a possum from my friend in Byron Bay.

zippykona – Member
A python and a possum from my friend in Byron Bay.

That’s why you never leave your baby unattended in a pram up in Far North Queensland.

Don’t mention dingos.

zippykona – Member
Don’t mention dingos.

Especially baby eating ones…

Meanwhile, here’s a goanna

Try overtaking this lot[/url]

Drop bears a myth you say?

This would liven up things…

This would liven up things..

Australia, where dangerous animals team up to kill you

A friend of ours, talking about how aboriginal people need to “get over it, and move on”.

1st day of spring, the snakes are waking up now…. Makes bush riding interesting!

Routinely see kangaroos in our street (outer edge of melbourne). Swooping season has started for the local birds now also, It is annoying to get repeated thumped on the back of a helmet by an enraged magpie. Kangaroos and emus also move bloody fast, having ridden behind them down roads at times. The wildlife isn’t very bright though.

Kangaroos and emus also move bloody fast, having ridden behind them down roads at times.

One of the most magical experiences (damm it was pre go pro) was riding across a tyre width single track up in Melrose with half a dozen big greys bounding down either side of me.
More terryfing were the early morning Stromlo jaunts where you were waking them up in tioght twisty stuff where they could cut the corners and suddenly coming back at you.
This week was a collection of Possums on a night ride. All fun and games, just hoping we have another couple of months before snake season kicks off.
The biggest danger now is going to be burn off and those not quite fallen tree’s

Plus wombats are powerful little things. I’ve seen one lift the front end of a ute that had come to a halt over its burrow. Hilarious.

Farkin magpies. They follow for ages too.

Wombats, like a cast iron block on legs the shit cubes they leave are freaky too

and some more shoe related fun

Twice???? I think he must secretly like it

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-37481251

Language NSFW

and yes it’s true it’s a Snake Orgy

“It just so happened that there was a few pairs of tree snakes mating and there were a few males waiting for their turn next,” Mr Howard said.

“I think we were lucky in they were essentially a very harmless snake at the end of the day just doing what they do,” he said.

which is why we have so little time for stuff like UKIP boxing

Real ‘Snakes in a Plane’ stuff there 🙂

We have slugs.

Snake gets police escort to cross the road.

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