Ok
So its going to be tough. Leave plenty of time beforehand so you are not flustered when you arrive,
Might be nice to write something down too.
Ensurec you have time afterwards for yourself.
No need to brave, and certainly no shame in letting your emotions show.
We’ve got you
Dont be afraid to ask for anything
Off for a pootle but i will be thinking of you all day.

Alan we have both been through saying goodbye to our wife’s but I know from Carolyn’s parents losing a child is a whole different thing.

I can only say what many said on here when I asked for a bit of strength last year.
We will all be thinking of you and if possible channelling our strength to you.

At worst think just how lucky you are we aren’t there in person getting in the way can you imagine that eh.

Sorry if this doesn’t help!

I went to see him yesterday, felt completely numb and empty. A completely different feeling to when I went to see Lyanda. I felt like I needed to see him, knew I’d regret it if I didn’t. Told him I love him and wished I was there for him, but that I’d see him again one day. So many questions running through my head I know I won’t get answers to. He looked so peaceful, whatever pain he was in is no longer there. Didn’t really sleep last night either. Funeral is tomorrow. Trying desperately to occupy myself today but it’s not working so far.

My heart is heavy for you Alan.
I hope tomorrow brings you some comfort.

My heart goes out to you Alan. I will be thinking of you tomorrow. Take care x

Stay strong for the others, I can’t begin to imagine what you are having to go through but please remember that you have this place and we all stand behind you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.

My heart aches for you Alan. Stay strong for the others under your wing, and take that strength from here. Much love and man hugs.
Door

Every father of boys worries about them and their fragility. It helps to see a relative laid out and peaceful especially if there was an unquiet end to the life lived. Take good care of yourself and hugs again for a man undergoing a bit of a trial of strength with life. (You’re ahead on points and winning).

We also have a funeral to attend tomorrow and we’ll spend some time thinking of you Alan as we lay my MIL to rest in Lurgan. (Day trip to Northern Ireland for 2 is not a light undertaking. No indoor visits for us, graveside service, socially distanced then a long wait at the airport for the trip back).

gnusmas – I’m thinking about you and hoping you can find inside you what you need to get through this desperately challenging time. I’m sure it’s in there. I’ll stop tomorrow at 11 and wish you and your family all the best.

[Sandwich – sorry to hear your news. Wishing you and yours all the best.]

My thoughts are with you and your family at this tragic time. I have followed this and the earlier threads you have posted, and one thing that stands out is the amazing strength and fortitude you have shown despite the continual challenges and tragedies you have faced. You may not think it but you are an inspiration to many on here for how you have coped with situations most of us will never experience. The photo you posted of your 3 smiling children at Christmas was heart-warming and clearly shows that you are a great Dad and that your resilience will ensure that they will grow up surrounded by love and hope.

Stay strong!

I’ve been struggling a bit the last couple of weeks but this puts things into perspective. I have followed your struggles on here over the last few years and have so much respect for the strength and courage you have shown.
I am sending you every ounce of positivity that I can muster your way.
I have several friends that have lost close ones to suicide and would definitely recommend charities such as the Ollie Foundation for assistance.
Once again I’m bowled over by the generosity and thoughtfulness of the folk on this forum.

Will be thinking about you tomorrow morning.

Kind Regards.

@Rona Thank you

MIL was 93 and we saw her out on FaceTime. She had done all that she wanted to do and made her peace with her God. It’s still a wrench for us and our offspring.

Al, thinking of you.

Thinking of you, stay strong big man. You remain an inspiration to me.

Big hugs,

S

Hope your funeral went as well as possible Alan. I took a couple of moments to think of you while in Lurgan in the sun.
Take care and we’re here when you need us.

Our thoughts are with you Allen.
Anything else I can think to say sounds ridiculous in my head.

Alan I’m not a religious person so said my own version of a prayer to you and your family at 11am.
You shouldn’t have to be going through this alone if I had my way.
It might have been a bit sweary for here but my thoughts were honourable?

The funeral went well today. When I arrived at my Mum and Dads house for the procession there was a load of his friends the other side of the road that couldn’t attend the funeral due to covid restrictions. Was a really nice sight to see. Just wish it wasn’t for this reason.

I was a bearer along with 3 of his closest friends, nice but also difficult and emotional. But I wanted to do it. Seemed fitting, to not only be part of his journey into this world but I should be a part of him leaving it too. I then took pride of place in front of his grave to honour him in my own way. My Dad, his Grandad next to me. But it was really painful and hurt like mad. No parent should have to say goodbye to their children, and grandparents definitely shouldn’t. It started snowing as the service began and literally finished snowing as it was finishing. We talked about that afterwards, it was a bit freaky but we all took it as a nice sign.

Now for the unknown. Once all the practicalities are done, I’ll begin my grieving process all over again. But in a different way I guess. Not sure what impact losing my Son is going to have compared to losing my Wife? Especially when I haven’t managed to grieve properly for Lyanda yet because of everything that’s happened. But like has been said already, one step and one day at a time.

Thankyou all for your continued support and kind words. It all means so much to me and really helps me through the bad times I always seem to encounter.

@Sandwich so sorry to hear about your loss, I hope the funeral went well for you all too. My condolences to you all.

And @MrOvershoot I’m sure your thoughts were very honourable, thankyou. My colourful vocabulary is probably a lot worse.

That sounds very dignified Gnusmas. Talk about your feelings as much as you want and take help whenever offered. I admire your resilience.

Glad it went as well as could be expected. Hang in there Gnusmas!

Well done Gnusmas. It sounds like you’ve done an amazing job of staying strong for your family through everything. You may feel like jelly on the inside but I’m sure they view you as their rock.

You are an incredibly strong man. You continue to do yourself and your family proud.

Well done, Alan. One of the main purposes of a funeral is for everybody to talk about their loss, as part of the grieving. Covid will have cut that short, so you’ll just have to talk to us lot on here – don’t hold back, we’re here to help.

Thought about you a few times today, Gnusmas, but didn’t seem right to say anything on here.

I still don’t know what to say that could be useful, but thanks for the update. Sounds like you did everything right, again.

Just want to echo what everyone else has said, been thinking about you and the family. Sounds like you did very well in difficult circumstances. If you need to vent, have support or just talk about anything we’re all here.

Thanks for posting Alan. Wish I had some words to comfort you, but I don’t. Love to you and the kids as always. Please keep posting if it helps you to deal with all this.

gnusmas – I’m glad it went well, thanks for letting us know. Hope you can be gentle with yourself as you grieve.

[Sandwich – have PM’d you.]

Alan, glad you gave Leon a good send off.
Sending thoughts and strength for this coming weeks.
Take care mate and post on here or txt me whenever you need.

Keep posting,
keep talking,
keep remembering that we are your ‘other family’.

You’re a very important cog in the mtbike wheel that is STW and we are here to look after each other.
bunnyhop x

Just to keep you updated (with permission) that I’ve had a chat with Gnusmas today and he feels it’s right to close the PP Pool now; therefore it’ll be closed at the end of tomorrow and he can then then set about paying for the funeral and selecting a headstone.

He passes on his heartfelt thanks again to everyone, but is understandably still overwhelmed at the moment so I’m sure he’ll pop again by in his own time.

Cheers.

Thanks for the update bearnecessities – much appreciated.

Sorry its been a while, its been a struggle the past couple of weeks. But I’m still here and lurking around.

Our wedding anniversary was on the 12th January so was another hurdle to get through. The third one without Lyanda and would have been our 13th. I’ve been a bit of an emotional wreck between everything. The funeral is now paid for, as are the flowers I managed to get made up from a local florist and some extra bits too. The headstone is being discussed, we have to decide what exactly we want (just headstone or borders too) and the wording. None of this can happen for a while though because the ground has to settle first. Thankyou again to you all for making this part of it a lot easier to deal with. I genuinely appreciate it all and not sure how I would have managed otherwise.

Looking forward, the next obstacle would be Lyanda’s birthday on the 20th of April. But Leon’s birthday is on the 6th of April, meaning that 2 week period is going to be pretty difficult from now on. I’m just thankful for the 3 kids here, it’s them that keep me going. As difficult as it all is and as irritated and frustrated as I get, they are the reason I get up every day and somehow battle through to the next one.

I hope you and your families are all keeping well and doing OK.

I’m just thankful for the 3 kids here, it’s them that keep me going. As difficult as it all is and as irritated and frustrated as I get, they are the reason I get up every day and somehow battle through to the next one.

I hope you and your families are all keeping well and doing OK.

Virtual hugs to you.

I was chatting to a friend last night who’s son committed suicide 4 years ago. I has taken a toll, including ending his marriage.
However he had called to say he moves into his new house as soon as lockdown ends, out of the old family home. He is back planning some canoe trips and walks later this year with us.
He said the same as you – his step-kids are what got him through this each day, but that finally he feels that pleasure and purpose has returned some.

Gnusmas, I can’t even begin to imagine the pain you are going through. You come across as having an incredible amount of strength with your ability to open up on this forum, I hope you can see that.

Your children are very lucky to have you in their life.

Good to see you back, however briefly.

Another virtual hug from me Alan.

Alan your ability to keep going is inspirational. I’m on day one of the bereavement journey having lost my wife to Cancer yesterday and although it’s obviously early days and I know deep down we will get through it eventually but the pain today is unbearable. I feel like I need either a rewind or fast forward button to take me to a better place.
https://brighteststarinthesky.com/ has even more relevance to me now.
Keep up the good work

I’m just thankful for the 3 kids here, it’s them that keep me going. As difficult as it all is and as irritated and frustrated as I get, they are the reason I get up every day and somehow battle through to the next one.

You’re doing an amazing job!

I’m on day one of the bereavement journey having lost my wife to Cancer yesterday

So sorry to hear this.

Your children are very lucky to have you in their life.

This is so true. Alan, just hope you realise this.

@muke I am so sorry to hear this and hope you are doing okay under the circumstances. If you need any help and support in the coming days, weeks and even months this place can be brilliant. Big hug and love to you from the family Funk x

Muke – so sorry to hear this.

Big hugs to you and Gnusmas x