Most stupidest way you've ever injured yourself

I got a bit over confident on Monday crashed a bmx into a wall and damaged a ligament in my shoulder so I’m sitting here in a sling at the moment. Has anyone else got any stupid injury stories they’d like to share to cheer me up?

Ta

I fell going up the stairs at home and broke my hand 😳

Chopping firewood for kindling at the end of a long day, stupid piece wouldn’t stand up on it’s own. I held it and put the axe into my knuckle bone. 3hrs in casualty, 4 stitches and still have a lumpy knuckle bone

Piggy back wrestling at school. I was er…. on top, and we toppled backwards. The other guy fell onto my foot and broke it. I felt very stupid.

Riding along a log at Cannock chase, about 2mph, Slipped off the side, over the bars and dislocated & broke my shoulder…… Caried on riding, fell again 1hr later and re-dislocated. That was at the start of August, I’m just on a bike again…!

Cleaning the inside of the back window of my car, I couldn’t be arsed to climb in the back so did it from outside which apparently twisted my knee in a weird way. Ended up making a clicking/popping sound and I was on the floor with soft tissue damage, couldnt walk for a week and still gives me grief in the cold 😆

transapp that reminds me of anyother one of mine, the first time I was out on spd’s I never checked what gear I was in before setting off up a steep hill so I fell over and sprained my wrist. I got back up and carried on with my ride. Halfway round I was going really slowly in case I fell off again, so slowly in fact that I couldn’t roll over a tree root and I ended up falling off and landing on the same wrist again… ouch!

I dropped an extremely sharp kitchen knife and then caught it. Sliced open my palm 😕

Pulling some 3″x2″ off the board it was nailed to while standing on it. When it finally gave it flew up into my jaw, knocked me for six and split my pretty face open.

trousers caught fire, i was wearing big fire proof gloves but inexplicably take them off to pat out the flames. Interesting bus ride home with a good chunk of the front of my trousers missing and hands like a plate of spare ribs.

Also got a third degree burn whilst toasting marshmallows

I seem to always crash in the stupidest places, hit a berm and went OTB today 😆

I think it is because it looks easy and straight forward so my mind switches off – completely ❗

I invented a penis enlarger that was connected upto my air compressor, it worked fine with the hand pump but I needed sometinhg a bit more powerful due to the size I managed to get my member enhanced too.

Anyway after restling with it for 2 to 3 hours, I finally figured out I needed to turn off the compressor to remove it, next morning my nuts were sore, so I had to go to the doctor and explain what had happend and get them checked!

Everything turned out fine but I do still have to possition my manhood carefully when I sit down!

Nearly chopped my big toe off as a kid with a mattock pretending to dig my bike out of some mud in the garden.

As an adult trying to see how much my forks compressed on a jump and breaking my hip in the resulting fall.

trying to lever off a crank arm using the blunt end of an adjustable spanner.

The spanner slipped, and I smacked myself in the mouth.

I’ve got the same injury as the OP – trying to avoid a fallen rider coming down a steep muddy section – slip – ouch – Type 2 AC separation.

But my stupidest was sharpening a kitchen knife with a steel. The old swish swish way.

I ALWAYS concentrate on the knife and steel, and have not had an injury of about 30 years of doing it. But this time my mind wandered to the new steel I’m going to get next time I go to Stone (so still concentrating on the steel…) and clunk – the sharp knife landed right on my thumb knuckle.

using an electric plane, holding a small piece of wood in my hand….

I rode into a bench.

Because I was laughing so hard at my mate who had tried to hop up onto a raised wall, caught the front wheels and somersaulted into a flower bed.

I broke my hip while walking down my own driveway, fell on some ice… Irony of that was, I was on my way to get the motorbike out of the garage, and I’d have been fine on the ice with that because I’d have been bloomin careful.

Punched myself in the face at boxing in front of the whole gym

My sister: David stick a pencil up your nose as far as it will go, sharp end first.
Me: ok

20 minutes later in A&E with a pencil stuck up my nose (sharp end first)

Loving all the ambulance chasing ads ->

Not sure how they’d handle a claim for self inflicted injury though

Snoozing on the entrance of a tent, someone tripped over a guy-line and landed on me. I then woke up to a broken arm.

Rachel

The ones that come to mind: backflipping off a wall into snow – didn’t throw far out or spin fast enough (maybe the weight of the snowboard boots, maybe the litre of Weissbier), clipped the bottom of the wall with my head. Did well to come out with just cuts.

Didn’t wear sunscreen on my first sunny day in the Alps in Easter – followed by 2 days off mewling with a cold wet flannel on my face, swelling and blisters, hydrocortisone cream and factor 60 cream for next time out.

+ countless times where I’ve thought beforehand: “This is a bit silly, I could hurt myself, but I reckon I’ll get away with it” And not got away with it.

I love the sequence of the 2 above my previous post!

Running for the school bus as a kid ran between mothers car and dads van parked on the driveway and just as I got to the back of them our dog ran across I tripped over the dog went flying and ended up with my arm in a cast for 6 weeks. Did get me off doing any school work so it wasn’t all bad

Cutting a 1.5 inch deep, 3 inch long groove into my leg with an axe. Bit silly when I was in the middle of the dales at 9:30 in the pitch black then spending an hour walking to the nearest road after packing uo my tent etc. and spending the rest of the night in A and E. Such fun….

the one I thought of 1st, but somehow forgot when I started typing:
new year’s eve, drunk, big youth hostel in Canterbury, there was half a flight of stairs with a landing above it that you could jump to, catch with your hands, swing under and land at the bottom of the stairs. We got bolder and bolder as the night wore and the speeds crept up (it was on the way to the kitchen or the games room or something)

Until I took some proper speed into it and my hands got levered off the holds when forearms hit the bottom of the wood panel. I landed flat on my back from a 6-7 foot drop. pelvis/sacram took pretty much all of the impact. couldn’t move to start with. couple of doctors in the house, dont know how they decided that I hadn’t broken my spine, but they were right. Could barely walk afterwards, I took myself outside and was very unhappy with myself for a good while, thinking what a stupid b*stard I’d been, putting so much at risk for nothing. Didn’t know how much I’d be stuck with problems after that.

All fine now though!

big chief – urg! how far did you have to walk?

I once hit myself in the face with an armchair….

….we were fitting a new carpet. Picked up the armchair to move it out of the room, and tripped over the roll of new carpet!
Bottom of chair ripped me a second mouth in the bit between my (original) mouth and chin, spent the rest of the day sitting outside the pub drinking bee through a straw stuck through the hole…

…which on recollection wasn’t the best thing to do if i wanted to heal without a scar… 😳

Let’s see now….first three that spring to memory…

Punching myself in the bollocks whilst folding a bedsheet
Giving myself a horrible friction burn whilst attempting to whip off a leather belt in a troubadour style
Falling off a ladder sideways whilst trying to put a very heavy decorative screen into the loft. Smashed the ladder, put a hole in the wall and cracked all the plaster on the ceiling below…and dislocated my shoulder….

As a kid (about 10) trying to get conkers out of a tree, I threw half a house brick into the branches in the hope it would dislodge some. It fell straight back down and hit me plum in the middle of my forehead. Knocked myself out and ended up with 6 stitches.

Which doesn’t beat my microbiologist friend whose bathroom lightbulb blew whilst he was sat in the bath. He thought it would be a really good idea to remove the lightbulb from the live fitting whilst wet, naked and standing in several inches of water. He was found unconscious by his flat mate with nasty burns to his hands and feet.

big chief – urg! how far did you have to walk?

About three miles I think. It’s not easy with no trousers on and a jumper strapped round my leg with some para cord trying to stop the bleeding…

Chap i wrked with he got made redundant, so used the cash to pay for new double glazed windows, top opening so the outside couldnt be cleaned from inside.

So he bought himself a set of ladders, put them up against the windows and rested them on the upper floor widow cill, climbed up with bucket of water, washing the window quite well, a mate saw him shouted hello Dave, Dave waved back, forgot he was on a ladder, ladder slipped sideways on cill, he jumped, and broke both legs and ankles.

Result he coulnt walk or drive for a few years, due to not being able to walk properley, think ballet dancer walking on hot coals.

Lad at school, cleaning his single speed bike, got his finger stuck between the chain and front chain wheel, as the wheel had to come out backward, think the fire brigade where called to cut the chain.

I always think back to this and shake my head. I didn’t actually get injured but once I decided to fire a flare at point blank range at an old full face motorbike lid. I thought it would go straight through it. Well I didn’t think really at all. It ricocheted straight back and missed my face by inches. Burning Phosphorous propelled by a 2.2 round to the face would not have been pleasant. Idiot!

Out on the lash one night in Sheffield I decided to give my flatmate a piggy back to the next pub. Then being feeling incredibly strong & athletic thought I could easily take one more passenger & so let her friend jump on my flatmates back too.

The inevitable then happened, as I was so top heavy with 2 women on my shoulders, that I fell forwards with both hands behind my back & took the full force of the impact on my chin.

2 inch gash in my chin, blood all over my shirt & 4 hours in the Northern General wasn’t the best end to the night, if I’m being honest… 😳

Cut my knee open while pedalling furiously on an exercise bike (pissed).
Put my neck out drying my face.
Hedge trimmer damage to same knee as above.
Shut own thumb in car boot.

I am a f**kwit.

Playing tug of war with my dog with a rubber chicken, dog let go, rubber chicken sprang back into my eye, couldn’t see through it for 2 weeks.

I once drunkenly agreed to act as a “human tee” while my (also drunken) mate hit a golf ball full pelt from my hand. I escaped unscathed buy I still shudder at the thought of the potential outcome.

1.rested a piece of wood on my leg while sat down then got my drill with a 10mm bit… You can imagine my surprise when I began to drill through the wood into my leg…..
2. Got some of that fancy American wax based chain lube which I’d kept in the house(liquid) took out to my cold bike and applied liberally to the cassette to which it turned to a solid lump of wax. No probs, ill warm it up, hot air gun? Nah blow torch… Instant igntion!…. What now?…spin the cranks of course! Holy hell.. it was like napalm!…. I set many small fires that day I can tell you including my hands…bike survived tho!

Punching myself in the bollocks whilst folding a bedsheet

If I had a pound for every time I’ve punched myself in the horse chestnuts doing something utterly unrelated and otherwise completely safe (like, say, putting a coat on), I’d have, well, a number of pounds.