Most humiliating bike incident?

More recent one- we’re cutting in a new trail for the enduro world series, and one of the guys had brought up a bike to help test ride lines. He didn’t fancy riding one of the sections though so I said, no bother, give it here. Borrowed helmet on, bike I’d never ridden, sprung for a man that weighs about 50% more than me, straight into a steep section which is more or less surfaced with clay- rode all of 20 feet, lost the front end and binned it right in front of the team.

Still- first tyre marks on the new trail AND first crash, so that’s got to be worth something.

Shouting something along the lines of “rider coming through” and barging past another competitor on a timed downhill special stage section during the the 2011 Trans Wales. I cant remember the exact wording of my call to him, I would like to hope that it wasnt a nobbish “faster rider coming through” but I can t be sure, needless to say, I crashed and cut my kneecap open about 200 yards later, and was out of the event. I was pleased to see that the guy I had just passed had the decency not to shout “rider coming through” as he went past my wreckage, he actually had the class to simply ask if I was ok as he passed by, which made me feel even more like an idiot 🙂 A lesson learned

When I was about 12 I nicked a trike off the little kid at the end of our road and tried to ride it off a kerb, I tipped it over and chipped one of my front teeth.
My mum went ballistic as were due to go on holiday later that day, and I ended up delaying our trip due to an emergency dentist visit.

February 2000, I’d recently bought a new BMX, and rode it to venture scouts (a was an assistant leader – mid 20’s) while waiting for everyone to arrive I spent some time practicing whips, I somehow got it horribly wrong, and stabbed my thigh with a brake lever.
I had to drive the minibus with the kids in it to a climbing wall.
By the time I got home my jeans were soaked in blood, and my girlfriend took me to A&E.
I had 5 stiches, and ended up with a hematoma which needed surgery to sort out.

Crossing the tiny trickle of a stream (at the time) at the top of High Cup Nick at about 5mph, managed to wipe out completely and looked like I’d been thrown in a washing machine despite there only being about an inch of water. Cue a cold and soggy ride back to Cow Green.

Fell in the river a Cwmcarn just after the bridge not paying attention, in full flood so went right under.

Riding with a large group of locals rode a dh section with then DH wc rider behind me so fast as possible, finished section with rolling stoppy to stall on front wheel for about 20 seconds in front of the crowd, lost balance fell into a heap over bars to piss taking for months 😆 Deserved that

17 yrs old riding (carrier bag of groceries in each hand) no-handed around an empty traffic island in small village.

Way too stupid and cocky as it just started raining and didn’t expect to see a friend to whom I attempted to wave.

Boy, bike and groceries slid all over the road. School of hard knocks = now am not cock on bikes.

Aged about 9 I decided that as my right hand was stronger, I would be as well to swap the brakes over so the rear brake was on the RHS to allow me to pull the biggestest skidz eva…
Hit warp speed on wet grass, turned the bars slightly, foot down and pulled the front brake harder than I ever have before or since, tunring me and the bike into a cartwheeling mass of flesh and metal. Somehow I only ripped my jeans and bit of of bruising. Got home and rapidly swapped brakes over, pretended it didnt hurt and never told anyone.

Aged about 13 I was cycling to school a couple of days after slamming my thumb in car door. I was in a sling so no idea why my parents thought it was a good idea, but got halfway down the road before needing to chage gear. Simply let go with my left hand and reached over to the other side of the bars, pushed a bit too hard, jackknifed, and went straight over the bars slamming my thumb on the ground. decided too walk to school for the next couple of weeks.

I havent improved much since sadly

Pedalling extremely slowly uphill at the end of a long ride, on an MTB on the road. Front wheel hits a pebble – a PEBBLE FFS – and stops dead. In my brain-dazed state I keep pedalling, forks compress, and catapult me spectacularly over the bars to much acclaim.

Are you Hora’s twin? He has issues with pebbles… 😆

2 weeks ago – Dunkeld Enduro – Stage 1 – queue of about 50 folk. I start and go OTB within 10 feet of start.

Big cheer. Mention in enduro-mtb.com race writeup as the “fastest OTB in history”.

Still, it was a soft landing and the day just got better after that.

Visiting the in-laws in Romania. I’d taken my bike to have a go riding in the Carpathians.

I didn’t make it as far as the mountains before my first crash though. A combination of a fork I had forgotten to put air back in and a massive pothole had me over the bars and lying flat on my back just outside the main train station.

Now in the UK its customary to laugh and point at such stupidity. In Romania the custom, apparently, is to gather round and silently stare at the strange foreigner prostrate on the ground.

Very embarrassing and not a little bit weird

As a student I was turning right at some traffic lights in the university district, on a lovely hot summer’s day. Lights went green, right filter, cars all move off. I’m obviously paying very little attention to where I’m going, so when the cars stop again after a few yards I ride smack bang into the back of a car, sprawling myself across the rear window before sliding to the floor.

There should be some type of prizes handed out for some of these! 😆

I’ve been trying to learn to do proper manuals, ie the keep it up and balanced on the rear wheel for 100s of yards, not just my normal 6feet.

Realising that this had the potential for massive embarrassment during the practicing stage, i went to my local woods on a quiet sunny weekday afternoon, and picked a nice straight slightly downhill bit of double track and set to. After a few runs where i managed to find the balance point and hold it by pumping my legs for about say 30yards, on run 3 i really hit the sweet spot. Pump, lift, balance, pump legs, even stick out knees to correct my direction of travel! In fact, so engrossed was i in the task, i kinda forgot that 1) the nice straight bit of track was only really a 100yards long, and 2) I hadn’t really though about how i would end the manual! So, i basically ended up careering into the oncoming turn, panicked, grabbed a massive handful of back brake, the front slammed down, the front wheel found a large root, and the bike stopped dead. I however, did not, and proceeded to do what i suspect was a passable superman impression over the bars, and crashed into an untidy heap on the ground.

My first thoughts “thank god no one saw that!”.

My second thoughts, having looked up, “oh b*gger!”.

There, sat on a couple of fallen trees, where about 35 members of the local school out on an afternoon “field trip”……………

Pentlands. My first set of lights (CatEyes with the huge LA battery and 1 hour burn time). Descending down what we call Camouflage Path – bottom of Howden Burn. Lights fade & fail, so carry on by dim moonlight, zipping along towards the car park. Too late – or rather at last moment – recall the 5 bar gate. Jam on brakes, forks compress, I wallop into the gate.

Come to sitting on the other side of the gate, rather stunned (and sore), count myself lucky (apart from chipped forearm) when the bike follows through and lands on top of me. In sight of late evening dog walker, who’s looking on incredulously.

Adjusting the rebound on the forks on my new bike then bouncing the front up and down to see what happens for some reason I will never understand, grab a handful of front brake, OTB wondering what had happened.

Think sometimes when its unexpected you don’t hurt yourself as much as you don’t tense up.

Road bike, few months after getting it and not realising the limits of adhesion with roundabouts, damp weather and road bike tyres, ended up sitting in the middle of the road whilst the nice man in the massive tipper truck behind stopped whilst I got up.

About 10 years old, Mag Burner BMX decided to clean it proper and took the wheels off, forgot to tighten them back up, first wheelie = face plant onto cobbles in the back street.

My other half used to go on the Shecycles forum weekenders and I’d tag along as the ‘other half’ as there’d be husbands/BF rides and they were quite jolly affairs.

On very wet weekend in the New Forest I was leading the OH’s group down a gully which the heavy rain had turned into rather fragrant torrent of Farmyard run-off.

Turned out the stream covered up a pretty big hole, which I prompted wedged my front wheel into, OTB, still clipped in, face first into the run off, which was now streaming in through the leg of my shorts and out of the neck of my jersey.

Trouble was I was wedged face down and it was taking both my arms just to keep my head out of the effluent so I had to wait for assembled group to stop laughing long enough to rescue me.

Took a while

Got a standing ovation for it that evening though.

2008 – decided to get back into MTBing – bought my first new bike in 8-10 yrs, was delivered to the house, put together and I head out in to the street where the kids are all playing…
I had not properly experienced the strength of hydraulic brakes and whilst doing some (pisspoor) wheelies I decided to try an endo.. so about 10mins after my bike first laid eyes on me, it was then lying on top of me.. nice gravel rash on my hands too.

Last year offered to assist the junior coach at our local bike club and go night riding with him and a group of 10 or 12 teenagers, after showing my mighty climbing skills and getting some trailcred, we came to a very short sharp gravelly chute and as I was “tailend charlie” they all got a great view of me snatching too much brake and face planting right in the middle of the group… Hero to Zero in about 10mins. Got big cheer!

I was over in the states on a mountain bike holiday with the highlight being a 5 day guided trip in Brian Head Utah. In the early morning we all gathered in the motel car park ready to load up the trucks and head off so I decided I should just give the bike a quick test to see it’s alright.

Gets on it, couple of bounces, fine, couple of weaves and ****!!! the front wheel washes out. Picking myself up I’m thinking ‘what a ****’ and then something catches my eye… my finger. Surely it shouldn’t be sticking out at an odd angle like that??? I’d only gone and dislocated my left index. No problem I thinks, surely the guides will know how to reseat it, it will hurt but I should manage to go on the trip. Except of course it wouldn’t re-seat so trip delayed as I get shuttled to the local hospital. Turns out it just wouldn’t re-seat (not even after 30 minutes in chinese finger lock thing) and I need an op… Trip over, didn’t even leave the friggin car park.

Needless to say having to explain all this to my friends, family and work colleagues was certainly humiliating I can tell you.

Unsurprisingly I still get stick about it some 6 years later. And the mate I was there with periodically calls me CP, you know, just to rub it in… 😳

1)Showing off to a group of girls when I was 10 or so. Full pelt down a stretch of tarmac decided to see if I could brake using an opposite hand… left brake right hand… all I remember was a lot of blood, lots of laughter and a bruised ego.

2) Late teens crossing a road with traffic almost at a halt…. decide to pass in front of stopped truck, didn’t count on a freaking car coming down the blind side of the truck. At the same time traffic moves, truck starts moving / car screeches to a halt… only way to save my self is jump … truck goes over rear wheel . Abuse hurled at me from all directions…sheepishly gathered what’s left of bike and walked home. Needleess to say my dad was not pleased at all with my antics.

Mine’s more of humiliating aftermath than the actual accident.

Was out in South America when we met some Aussie guys who said we should ride Road of Death in Bolivia, managed 62kms of the 64 when the guide said “that was the most difficult done, now for last 2km”, typically i came off in dramatic style at about 45kh/m ended up dislocating shoulder, breaking arm and sticking brake lever into my leg where it meets he groin.

Cue me being prepped for surgery, where the cover you in sheets leaving just the bit that needs operating on exposed, they left “little scud” perfectly framed by the sheets and then wheeled me through the ladies ward to the operating theatre!

On the plus side hospital was at 4500m above sea level, that mixed with opiate based painkillers made for some great dreams.

On the minus side coming back through customs in the drugged up state, i admitted that i was flying from Bolivia and had not packed my own bag, cue a very drugged up bloke being strip searched..

Not for me, but for the female rider of a horse I passed on a trail a few years back!

Going round my local BW, through some tight narrow tracks, came round a corner to find a horse stood in the middle of the track blocking my way and forcing me to stop!

Only after I stopped, did I see the rider squat next to a tree curling one out!

The turtle head was was in full flow, no going back! 😯

Riding in the Chilterns with a fitter friend who was ahead of me on a steep tarmac climb, heard someone coming up behind me and expected it to be a road biker sprinting up. It was an older man on a heavy looking bike with his socks tucked into his trousers just breezing up and not even slightly out of breath. My friend heard someone behind him thought it was me, started trying to pick up the pace but the man just breezed past him…

And a stupid fall, came down a steep technical descent, rode past stone wall on way to café, got handlebar stuck in wall and fell off.

First alps ride, got handlebar stuck in this unforgiving hedge and catapulted off bike, surprisingly no injuries. Seems to be a pattern here…

First one that sticks in the memory:
Aspen, coming back down the big track down the side of the hill, that you climb to get to the trails. It’s about 1500m or so, big stones, but nothing too tricky. Faceplanted right in front of a nice young lady walking up, who was very conscientious in asking how I was.
Second one, commuting to work in central London, went OTB rolling off a kerb. Not even a big kerb…

Finally a thread I can contribute to.
Tonight commuting home I’m on the bridge over the railway in traffic and am astride the crossbar waiting for things to move.
Cars start to shuffle forward but I am on Winton who is a very big gay ‘dale and on the way up to riding position I snag shorts on the saddle and down they go with a bus behind me admiring the view.
Commuting back to Abingdon a couple of times it turned into one of those races with another commuter that you really wish hadn’t happened. One night we’d torn past the sewage works and rugby club and the other guy peeled off to the left. As soon as he was out if sight I stopped to get my breath back and try not to throw up. A minute later he cycled slowly past me obviously having peeled away to end the race. We both looked very embarrassed and then laughted.

One of my first rides with SPD’s, and only probably fourth or fifth proper off road ride with a group of new mates, up a narrow track with a steepish grass slope drop to the right. In my inexperienced state I managed to stall font wheel on a small rock. Tried to get my left foot out-didn’t work. In panic tried to get right foot out-didn’t work. Ended up travelling down the slope on my back head first with bike still clipped in both pedals. I was giggling with the humour of the situation until I went headfirst into a gorse bush. Was told off by my compatriots as I was at the back and no one saw it from the beginning. Next time, they told me,do do it in front so all could appreciate my entertaining them.

Long time ago riding at the coast on a bmx rode down a concrete slope onto loose deep sand front wheel dug in straight over the bars
This was in full view of a large group of wheel chair bound special needs folks out on a day trip – they were waving and laughing at this spectacle – think it made their day

I’m mainly a roadie but bought a mountain bike. I hadn’t quite got used to how it handled so chose a fairly easy trail. Parked up and needed to ride about 50m down the road before turning right onto it. A car came up behind me so I indicated right while trying to brake and get used to the effect of wider bars and promptly fell off and broke my ribs before even getting to the trail in front of a rather bemused driver.

First time racing on the track and I didn’t realise that there was a formation lap at the beginning of the race. I did notice that everybody was riding slowly but took my chance to power ahead. Dropping back into the pack when I realised was embarrassing!

Coming out of the Canyon in Les Gets via the alternative (unreadable route) rather than the nice way out, I bailed a very steep descent realising there was a ditch at the bottom I’d never make it through.

Anyway, landed in said ditch with a thump.

A rather nice guide came to my rescue stating she was a first aider bla bla, well, she was very pretty and I was a bit confused but couldn’t keep my eyes up. Once she realised this she stated there was nothing wrong with me and stormed off with a tut from her and the tut tut glances from her party..

They were lovely though.

I was 14, rolling very slowly down a small side road looking at the floor and ended up on the bonnet of a parked car!! I quickly got up and rode off before anyone saw.

Back last year, been out riding with granddaughter, bimbling home along local sustrans track, some kids – and I do mean little kids, a few of them had little barbie bikes with stabilisers etc- had built a tiny ramp out of wood about 4 inches high, if that. Go on mister, says they, jump over it, I do the sensible thing and decline and carry on seeing granddaughter home. Sooooo, on the way back, all the kids had gone, so I thought sod it I’ll give it some now. Up the track I goes, turn round and give it my all, I hit the ramp about warp speed 2, the ramp just collapsed, my front wheel dived from under me, I smashed myself and the bike to buggery and it took me about 30 minutes to stagger the 10 minute walk home.

At my local park there was a bank which we used to hit at speed and get some air. Having decided that JMC was the coolest person for his one hand cross up in a recent mag, I attempted it. I turned the bars, took my hand off, and the bike dropped away from me. I landed sideways, laying on the bike, in front of the people I was showing off to.

later that day I attempted to redeem my self by jumping a raised verge. I hit it at speed, then sailed straight otb as the front wheel came to a halt against the slight raise.

This was the end of my brief attempt at being teh awsumz.

Rode down some steps at the end of a reasonably steep trail through the woods. Went OTB into a massive bush at the bottom and was left hanging upside down and unable to right myself by the small branch snagged in the back of my shorts.
Right in front of two lovely young ladies on horses.
They were very polite.

Trapped my todger between the saddle and a wall.

I was used to riding a V Brake Carerra and got a shot on a 20lb Ibis Tranny.

The acceleration got the better of me, I’m sure the thread at the time was
“Tranny Johnson Interface”.
The amount of people I had to explain “how on earth did you do that?” to was unreal..

Matron was kind.

I’d just finished a fairly rough training ride on the cross bike and rejoined the road to ride the 5 miles home just as it was going dark.

I reached behind to turn my light on but remembered that it had got water in it last time I used it so stood up and turned round to check whether it was working.

As I was doing so I rolled slowly across the road and crashed onto the top of a drystone wall, cracking ribs and helmet and gashing elbow.

Not sure why I didn’t just stop to check the light.

Morning commute along the Grand Union Canal towpath, Christmas Eve about 0630. Shot under a bridge on a bend, right-hand end of bars clip the inside of the bridge arch, bike turns immediately right, I carry straight on, OTB head-first into the canal.
Lucky it was on a bend really or I’d have been head-first into the ground. I was shifting too.
Luckily it was dark and no witnesses.
Getting out of a canal is not as easy as you might think, I had to swim about 50 yards in order to find something to grab hold of to haul myself out by.

Day off and headed out to Aston Hill for some coaching with Ian Warby. Almost there and noticed something odd in the rear view mirror. No bike. Realised I’d left it at home so had to call Ian and explain. Ian was totally cool about it and I eventually turned up 2 hours later.

^^ And we have a winner. ^^

Night ride with no lights (as full moon and clear skies). Mate comes to a stop and puts his foot down. Doesn’t realise that he is next to a deep nettle filled ditch. Falls gently sideways into ditch and nettles.

We laughed. A lot.