Mine, several yrs ago spinning up the road climb of Blackstone Edge on my then mtb hardtail in the lowest granny gear & an old chap 70+ came alongside on an ancient steel tourer & proceeded to humiliate me further by chatting pleasantly as he slowed down to chat as i panted, puffed & gurned up the hill.
I learnt that day its not what bike & its definitely not the age of the rider that counts but the time in the saddle!

Same hill but on the off road climb up to the white house about two years ago. My mate and I were passed by a runner who also chatted as he jogged alongside before sprinting ahead. We remarked how we’d catch him on the flat bit that goes over towards the edge itself, or on the descent down the other side, which he was also doing.

We didn’t. 😀

Went OTB outside my girls’ school on the way to pick them up. Chain slipped on worn chain ring and I ended up in a heap in the middle of the road 😳

On my first visit to glentress, I was passed on the climb up the blue by a small child on a 16 inch bmx

Haha, yes ive had similar but over by the transmitter on windy hill – those fell runners can really shift over rough ground!
Once carrying my bike up a very steep section of BW above Peckett Well & a fell runner loomed out of the icy fog, looked at my bike & said ” i used to do that, but its like carrying your own cross” then ran off through the snow wearing only a vest & shorts!

Crikey you must of been going slow if you had time to measure his frame 😀

Riding my old muddy fox in the early 90s. Bunny hopped off the pavement and intended to perform a massive rear wheel skid in front of my mates and a group of swooning girls, the plan being to scare my mates and impress the girls.

Overcooked it, and never really recovered from the bunny hop – pogo sticked it for what seemed like ages and then shot over the bars and headbutted one of the girls on her chin, laying her spark out. Also managed to knock two of her mates over.

The crash, to me, seemed to take ages and be in slow motion, but in reality was just some stoned lanky teenager riding a bike full pelt into a crowd of people, with bodies flying everywhere.

Felt like a right ****. My mates loved it.

I’ve mentioned it before, but OTB and into the sea.

Many years ago, after a late night in the Rubaiyat pub in Glasgow, I was biking home in the small hours and, as I approached some traffic lights, they went red. I noticed two Plod standing on the corner so I drew smoothly to a halt at the white line and felt so pleased with myself I didn’t bother putting a foot down. When I opened my eyes, lying on my back in the road, they were both looking down at me and advised me politely to walk the rest of the way home.

I once got overtaken near the top of a long hill just starting to level out by a very fat middle aged man (even fatter and more middle aged than me) in an all in one white Lycra out fit that left not a lot to the imagination complete with old school cycle cap riding a cheap looking hybrid one handed.

And to add insult to injury I realised the reason why he was riding one handed was because he was puffing away on a newly light cigarette that he must have not long lit once he relised he was over the worst of the climb.

Overtaken by old people who are clearly in good shape I can handle but being overtaken by fat feckers pees me off. 😀

Tree branch into one of the vents on my helmet left me hanging from helmet strap, feet still clipped in and hands ripped off bars. Was unable to do anything but hang there for 5 or so secs, until the branch snapped.

All in front of a group of walkers eating their lunch.

On one of my first practice rides with spd’s crossed the road during rush hour stopped in on the island in the middle of the road. Forgot about the pedals and did a slow motion fall, much to the amusement of the stationary traffic. Others spd fails include seeing if I could unclip when I turn my foot in towards the bike, resulting in my foot catching under the rear stay and me going OTBs on the quiet cycle path .

Cycled into the back of a bus because I was too busy checking how cool my reflection looked in a shop window…

If we can include motorbikes ,its stalling and dropping my Triumph Bonneville pulling away from the local bikers pub.
I was popping home to get a young lady a crash helmet so I could give her a lift.
Made certain I returned on my Kawasaki.

I once got overtaken on the climb at Cwmcarn by a woman running…
…who looked to be about 8 months pregnant!

Adjusting one’s sunglasses mid-jump. Two female recreational cyclists were forced to avoid my cartwheeling bike and flailing body

Also one time on Cannock’s original Evil Root 2. Small group of lads sessioning it, i ride up in ‘watch this’ mode and in one fluid motion snag my shorts on the gear shifter and go OTB

And on High Voltage one evening another group of lads videoing themselves on the three little jumps yours truly approaches much faster than usual to show them how it’s done, lands awkwardly on the second jump and completely fouls up the third before hugging a nearby tree

More Cannock on the final section before the rollers there’s a little rock ramp with a short alternative route around it. Lad in front has moved aside so as he starts to go around I hit the ramp really hard and go straight over the trail into the undergrowth

I won’t mention the school children or the frozen fireroad or the lost key or the broken root or the wobbly rock

Fifteen years old on my Brothers old Raleigh Racer. Drooling Looking at a few girls at the Bus Shelter opposite and failed to see the large parked car in front of me. Smashed straight into into it and bent the fork along with my pride. I’ll never forget the howls of laughter and my humiliation that day.

Cycling through Liverpool city centre on my folder, 20″ wheels with skinny tyres. Unknowingly rode over a grid which just so happened to have slats the perfect size for my front wheel to go straight in and send me over the bars flat on my face in front of loads of shoppers. To make matters worse took me 30 seconds to untangle myself from the bike. Ended up very sore and probably illicited much mirth.

Asked to leave a cafe in Conwy because my see through shorts were ‘upsetting the other customers’.

To be fair, Mrs S had warned me about them several times before, but I thought she was exaggerating.
She wasn’t.

Slow motion SPD topple at the traffic lights in the middle of Wallingford………

Ha – exactly that ^ …

At the head of a traffic queue on a red light, clipped in, and trackstanding. The lights took a bit longer to change than I’d expected, I lost confidence in holding the trackstand any longer, wobbled, panic’d, then completely failed to unclip and we ever-so-slowly went over sideways into the road, blocking it to traffic pretty much at the exact moment the lights to changed to green.

Asked to leave a cafe in Conwy because my see through shorts were ‘upsetting the other customers’.
To be fair, Mrs S had warned me about them several times before, but I thought she was exaggerating.

Was putting them off their sausages.

I’m humiliated so often on the bike I’ve given up caring.

Rusty Spanner sounds like you dropped a right bollock in there! Haha.

Some of these had me chuckling 😀

I was 16 and out on my Suzuki AP50 – drop bars, loud pipe (like a bee in a jar looking back)

I was in slow, crawling traffic going through town.

Oh yes, the 2 birds coming towards knew i was the man and i gave them both the eye … right before i did a spectacular endo on the car in front which had stopped.

I quickly got myself together steered round the car, called him an arxxhole (for doing nothing wrong) and disappeared in a cloud of 2 stroke haze.

What a tool.

It was the rear aspect which was proving offensive, I believe. 😀

They were the ancient pair I used to save for use under baggies.
Then I stopped wearing baggies………

Post beer festival with a gang from work I did a superb track stand and looked behind me and then went fast on my back. They do like to mention it at work…

When I was a kid, start gate at BMX racing, gate failed to open.
At least I wasn’t alone in face planting… 😳

Forgot to tighten nutted axle on single speed, waiting in front of bus at lights, lights change and stomping on pedals ejects back wheel and I end up in heap over the bars. Lots of mirth on bus. 😳

On a night ride at Bedgebury, with a big group of mates, I charged into a section in full “Strava – follow me!!” mode. After about 3 metres, rode into a tree, and ended up in the bushes ! 😳

first ever try of spd pedals (that i had fitted myself/shoe cleats).clipped in and rode to the end of the street. t junction to main road.

stopped,tried to get my feet out of pedals,couldn’t. fell sideways onto pavement 😯

Riding along the local canal with my old terrier alongside, another cyclist caught me up and we proceeded along together.
I have a broken ankle which causes me to be unable to unclip occasionally, I then slipped down the embankment and nearly into the canal embarrassing enough but about a mile further on a dog attacks my dog, I turn around to sort them out and fall straight into the canal!
Not a good day having to ride home soaked through, shower and then take my dog to the vets!

Popping a wheelie in the Marin Trail car park, flipping over backwards and landing hard, I was lying there thinking I hope that’s mud underneath my shorts as otherwise I have just shat myself. Did the trail afterwards but I my Coccyx was in agony for weeks after.

Nice little jump at the bottom of one of the smaller Malvern hills that I’d been sessioning a few times, building up speed, when I thought I’d got the speed right. Landed about 10 yards after the jump, onto the front wheel. Managed to roll, endo style for a few yards before the back end came up over the top of me. Ended up in a big, dusty, heap as a group of school kids came round the lower path…

Was a run, not ride but hope it still counts. I was entered in a 5 mile race, just happened to be day after my 18th birthday party, from which I awoke in the bath. Though feeling like a dog, started the race and felt OK for half a mile or so, then didn’t feel great at all. Finished a few places short of last out of a field of nearly 500 and was overtaken by a really fat, slow lady up the last hill. I am a fair bit older now, and the memory is still ingrained.

Bikewise, was probably an off resulting in my tackle needing urgent stitching and all that entailed.

Late 90’s Wimbledon High Street, new to SPD’s had just bought shoes and pedals. I keeled over very very slowly in front of about 60 schoolkids who were waiting for the bus to to go home. On quiet nights I still hear them laughing.

I was in a race where they set off a “slow” group ahead of the “fast ” group . Going up a track cut into the side of a hill I caught a few slower riders who didn’t move aside for me so I had to get off and walk behind while letting them know I wasn’t happy .Eventually they let me through and I jumped onto my bike and rode straight off the edge of the track and ended up about 40 feet down tangled in a load of undergrowth .

There’s a couple that spring to mind. Long time ago I rode with clips and straps, often with the straps one up very tightly. Cycling along a canal bank we came across some workmen who were working on the tow path. I cycled on to the new surface they were laying without realising it would be so soft that I would grind to a halt. When I stopped I couldn’t pull my feet out of the straps and toppled over (slowly) in front of a couple of workmen. They found it quite hard to supress their giggles.

More recently I decided to cycle through a stagnant pool of rotting vegetation in the middle of the track (knowing that it has paving slabs at the bottom of it). Rubber on slimy paving slabs don’t mix so I ended up sideways, very quickly, and was covered from head to toe in stinking slime. They made me lie in the back of the van on the way home from that one!

Tried to put a foot down on the downhill side of a river bank, while staying in the saddle, and going just beyond the balance point. At least I managed to leave the bike on the bank while diving headfirst into the river. With an audience, of course (including my girlfriend, now wife).

A poor second to that, nonchalantly leaning on a wall with both feet tied up in toeclips and straps. Cue slow overbalancing and lying on the ground trying to untie myself, this was in front of several hundreds.