Materialism vs Good Enough = boredom

if everything you owned burnt to the ground, what would you buy again?

My Mason Bokeh and the complete collection of Discworld books.

Due to fun times health issues I haven’t done as much riding this year as I’d like, and before last Sunday hadn’t ridden for about 2 months. I went out for a quick 1.5 hours on my local trails and frankly was overjoyed with the experience of just going outside, riding my bike, and expanding my horizons that little bit once again.

I’m doing my best to move to a ‘stuff that allows for experiences’ approach, rather than a ‘stuff for the sake of it’ approach. Happily for me, at this stage of my life, this means I don’t have to buy much as the prior phase already dealt with getting things I needed for say, a winter bike ride while staying warm and dry.

If so, I’m glad I’ve never been successful

There might be something in it – but I’ll reframe it. Some people through nature or nurture find themselves programmed to put all their self worth in an ability to generate material status. Maybe as much the trajectory you are on as much as the level you are currently at. This is as much an internalised thing as it is how you project yourselves to others. We all probably have a bit of this in us – I’m just glad it’s only a minor bit of me.

I know I’m going to look like I’m attempting (another) bit of character assignation of the OP….but I see him as much as a victim as an instigator…..but I seem to remember he is in sales. I’m not sure if it’s a character trait of those who choose to earn their crust like this, or what leading a sales and commission based life does to you, but by god it seems to collect some people with a very warped life outlook.

MrsRNP is absolutely buzzing today – the local community choir that she sings with were invited to Bridgewater hall in Manchester to sing yesterday and they did some stuff with Manchester gospel choir, they’ve recently performed at Blackburn cathedral as well.

Cost (other than the coach fare into Manchester) = zero

if everything you owned burnt to the ground, what would you buy again?

Fire extinguisher.

A 6 day a week job, plus a side business… earning a stable but modest income.

If you’re working a six day week and have a second business on the side, and are only earning a “modest” income, I would respectfully suggest that you’re doing something wrong unless modest is a euphemism for raking it in.

and are only earning a “modest” income

I guess it’s all relative. I’m paid above the national average by about £10K so along with my wife’s £27K working in the 3rd sector and the £10K we make jointly on the side business we are more than comfortable by most of the UK’s standards.

But I’m not going to be gathering a watch collection together any time soon 🙂 (unless you count Casio G shocks as collectible in which case I’ve got a chance!).

[RustyNissanPrairie]

RustyNissanPrairie

Full Member

MrsRNP is <em style=”box-sizing: border-box; –tw-border-spacing-x: 0; –tw-border-spacing-y: 0; –tw-translate-x: 0; –tw-translate-y: 0; –tw-rotate: 0; –tw-skew-x: 0; –tw-skew-y: 0; –tw-scale-x: 1; –tw-scale-y: 1; –tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; –tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; –tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; –tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246/0.5); –tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000;”>absolutely buzzing today – the local community choir that she sings with were invited to Bridgewater hall in Manchester to sing yesterday and they did some stuff with Manchester gospel choir, they’ve recently performed at Blackburn cathedral as well.

Cost (other than the coach fare into Manchester) = zero

i really like this.  My missus gave up material earnings as an FMCG exec to go and do SEND work and now retraining as a councillor as they are both far more fulfilling roles- she gets the same buzz knowing that she’s helped someone in a dark place.

edit to add, you’ve also got one of the coolest dogs going -i want a dog that would not give 2 f”s to a bear!

MrsRNP is <em style=”box-sizing: border-box; –tw-border-spacing-x: 0; –tw-border-spacing-y: 0; –tw-translate-x: 0; –tw-translate-y: 0; –tw-rotate: 0; –tw-skew-x: 0; –tw-skew-y: 0; –tw-scale-x: 1; –tw-scale-y: 1; –tw-scroll-snap-strictness: proximity; –tw-ring-offset-width: 0px; –tw-ring-offset-color: #fff; –tw-ring-color: rgb(59 130 246/0.5); –tw-ring-offset-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-ring-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-shadow: 0 0 #0000; –tw-shadow-colored: 0 0 #0000;”>absolutely buzzing today – the local community choir that she sings with were invited to Bridgewater hall in Manchester to sing yesterday and they did some stuff with Manchester gospel choir, they’ve recently performed at Blackburn cathedral as well.

Cost (other than the coach fare into Manchester) = zero

Interesting read this. I have recently been contemplating these ideas as have lost that flame mentioned by someone. Certainly looks like a middle aged issue and I’d said to my partner recently that I’m feeling like I’ve ticked off a list of life achievements marriage, house, job has peaked, all the stuff I need to do my hobbies etc and now am feeling a bit what is next and I’m only halfway through my life hopefully.

We don’t have children (by choice) so I was thinking that was partly it but seems this can happen regardless of having children (OP)

I do have too much time on my hands at this time of year as my job is seasonal and only part time and my hobbies are mainly outdoors and I’ve not been doing them at all lately but I still felt this way in the summer a bit.

We used to have a dog who we adored but she’s been gone a couple of years so maybe that has contributed but we’re not rushing into getting another as we have travel plans and want to ride a lot more which is difficult with a dog.

I’m looking into some voluntary positions for next year as I think I really need to feel like I’m being useful to feel forfilled. I’ve often thought that winning the lottery would be a terrible thing. On paper it sounds amazing but I think it could really mess with my head to suddenly have no reason to strive and I already struggle with the idea of being comfortable when so many others aren’t.

We used to have a dog who we adored but she’s been gone a couple of years so maybe that has contributed but we’re not rushing into getting another as we have travel plans and want to ride a lot more which is difficult with a dog.

Have you considered fostering? Lots of rescue charities offer this. Sometimes it’s just a day or two, sometimes several months. We do this and while it’s hard to let them go it’s great to see them get a forever home. Might also help with:

I’m looking into some voluntary positions for next year as I think I really need to feel like I’m being useful to feel forfilled.

Yeah kids, and grandkids probably make a bit of a difference. Seeing how much tougher they have it (e.g. housing) can mean that one is striving further and for longer in order to get them “sorted”.

Have you considered fostering? Lots of rescue charities offer this. Sometimes it’s just a day or two, sometimes several months. We do this and while it’s hard to let them go it’s great to see them get a forever home.

So much this (my wife’s 3rd sector role above is part of this). Very much the new model to try and get animals out of charity’s arcs as so much better for them (and animal charities are on their knees financially trying to keep up). See also the Cinnamon Trust that do amazing work. https://cinnamon.org.uk/

So I read the first post only and surmised the obvious:

You’ve still not got missus a Christmas pressie yet have you OP.

Three pages of displacement later that situation has not improved has it…

Owning expensive stuff in “not making you happy” shocker!

As TJ and hopefully others say, happiness is not about that.

I’ve just started reading a book “A life without ties” About a guy who seemingly has it all, but realised he wasn’t happy. decided to go travelling for 6 months to re find himself, but14 years later, hes still at it.

His story is pretty extreme, but as myti put

I’m feeling like I’ve ticked off a list of life achievements marriage, house, job has peaked, all the stuff I need to do my hobbies etc and now am feeling a bit what is next and I’m only halfway through my life hopefully.

I do like the idea of buggering off for a bit with no plan but to go and see places that I want to see without thinking about any time restraints.

Owning expensive stuff in “not making you happy” shocker!

Oh, I dunno, there’s a joy to be had in having things that are well made, function well, even uniquely. Those things tend to be expensive. A friend of mine has a rule that the more you use things from a hourly, daily weekly,  through to monthly or occasionally should be the indicator of how much the budget for those things should be  i.e.. if you’re going to use it a lot, then buy the thing that will fulfil every need, and make sure it does it well enough so that using it is a good time, not a PITA. and the thing you use only occasionally should be where you spend less.

It may well be an excuse for buying nice bikes for all I know though

.

Theres an entire universe out there, just past the roundabout for the retail park and BMW garage.

Although if you really want to be skint and scrabbling for the rest of your miserable existence I could sell you my house?

@scaled

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I managed to a a decent jump the other day and got a pic. Well pleased, makes you buzz. Even though mine is small beer.

Some more here from Wentwood Forest. And it was dry 🙂 Super rare at this time of year. IYKYK

Car shopping and a watch collection would equal peak dullness for a way to spend a life.

We don’t have children (by choice) so I was thinking that was partly it but seems this can happen regardless of having children (OP)

Its certainly not a childless thing. Kids grow up and move out which in a strange way makes the feeling of “what now?” even stronger.

Unless you have lots of kids much later in life, in which case you will have far bigger problems to deal with and can only dream of  the OPs musings.

if everything you owned burnt to the ground, what would you buy again?

Fire extinguisher  that worked!  FIFY 🙂

Unless you have lots of kids much later in life, in which case you will have far bigger problems to deal with and can only dream of  the OPs musings.

Amen to that. It depends what you mean by ‘much’ though. Our first child was born when I was in my early 40s, but I’ve never seen that as a problem – far from it. It has meant that we’ve always been ok financially and have more time to spend with them now that obsessions over career progression have receded a bit. A decade ago I wouldn’t have used all my annual leave in the push for promotion, the next grant, or that breakthrough paper. Now I use it all and spend it with my family doing nice things, be that holidays or MTB trips.

Having pre-teens when I’m in my 50s has also meant that I’m fitter and healthier at this age than I would have been if we’d had kids earlier and they’d fled the nest by now. Even one year ago I wouldn’t have thought about entering a race, yet as my eldest was keen I went along to support him and then eventually entered myself. Funny thing was, at one of the Eastgate TTs, as we were lining up one of the other entrants asked “anyone else doing this because you’re here to support your kids?”, and it turned out we all were. But, yes, I can only dream of the OP’s musings!

In a similar fashion to the op Recently I realized that I actually don’t want anything.

I put this down to a few of things; growing up, realizing in an epiphany-like flash that ultimately such things didn’t really matter to me and finally, having an 8 year old who is always talking about things he wants (not nagging, he’s just fascinated by all the new things in the shops)

I am content. And I’m grateful that I wasn’t paralyzed in a horrible accident I had earlier in the year and that there is money in the bank to cover our living costs without having to worry about it on a daily basis.

Krypton, perhaps you are content with your position rather than accepting of it. Embrace your acceptance.

are we just wired to not accept the status quo? Are we really that addicted to Dopamine?

My opinion, We are addicted to dopamine and our hunter-gatherer instincts have been replace by either shopping or saving any spare cash. The people who shop are possibly more susceptible to dopamine addiction than those who save. If you can, obviously.