Koala bears in UK – any wildlife parks where they are approachable?

…and before you get all pervy in your responses, here’s the scenario:

I’ve met a woman I really like, and I think there is a future there. It will be her birthday in September, and one experience she’d like to have in her life is to cuddle a koala bear. So, I’m wondering if anyone knows of a wildlife park anywhere in the UK that is ‘home’ to some koalas that are allowed to ‘meet’ the public; somewhere I could take this lady for her birthday where she might get to do just that – get a cuddle off a koala.
I know that they can be temperemental and vicious wee 5hite5, but surely if they’ve just had their Eucalyptus hit they are pretty docile, no?
Anyway, I have done a couple of Google/Bing searches, but nothing is particularly evident. My experience of here before tells me that some of you good family folk have a rich and varied knowledge of the UK and its wonders. Wanna share?
Much appreciation in advance for any useful knowledge, thanks.

one experience she’d like to have in her life is to cuddle a koala bear.

Bunny boiler……………..run

Edinburgh Zoo has koalas, but you can’t touch them. You’ll just have to fork out for some flights to Oz 🙂 Plenty of places you can hold them there. Their fur feels like a sheep 🙂

Lots of places in Australia used to do ‘cuddle a koala’ sessions but it is now illegal and you are limited to stroking them on the back and there are time limits for how long the koala can ‘perform’. That doesn’t really help you, not sure what the law is over here 🙂

My niece held a koala in Australia. She said it pinched her nipple quite hard and was on the whole an unpleasant experience.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B001CDHP8O

From a recent Saturday Telegraph QI column:

Three-quarters of all female koalas suffer from a sexually transmitted bacterial infection called chlamydia. Also known as “wet bottom”, it makes them smell bad, gives them conjunctivitis and leaves them sterile. No one knows how the koalas first contracted the infection, but it is likely to have come through contact with another species of infected mammal. It’s also not helped by female koalas’ lesbian behaviour when taken into captivity. Romps involving up to five females are commonplace, and outnumber heterosexual encounters by three to one. They also last twice as long.

😯

That explains the nipple attack. Just flirting.

one experience she’d like to have in her life is to cuddle a koala bear

This is the sort of thing that you avoid when she puts it on her internet dating profile. Stick to chics who have sofas, bottles of red wine and good DVDs on their list of likes!

…before you get all pervy in your responses…

Brilliant that this is thought necessary. 🙂

People have odd ideas don’t they? Small, angy Australian bear with big claws and the clap? My dream is to cuddle one.

Koala ain’t bears. 😉

and one experience she’d like to have in her life is to cuddle a koala bear

I know you’re trying to be sweet but have you considered that being in Australia might be an important part of that ambition? This might be a bit like wanting to swim with dolphins but being taken to Tooting Bec Lido to do it.

Sounds like a gold digger to me

As has already been said, RUN!

having smelt one close up in oz, i suggest keeping it a dream rather than reality.

having smelt one close up in oz, i suggest keeping it a dream rather than reality.

Girlfriend or koala?

Maybe you could explain to her that whilst they look like cute ickle teddy bears, they aren’t.

It’s not a real bear. Clearly not to be trusted.

tickets to oz you tightarse.

or at least that’s what she’s thinking.

Oooooh – the pain of a post pub quiz hangover and then reading these responses……
Some quality info here, folks. Thank you.
Not sure about the assumptions of ‘gold digging, bunny boiling’ traits, so we’ll put them to one side. Nor about the online profile assumption – this was a real-world introduction, with face-to-face chat and handshakes and everything!
If I got it wrong about the koala not being an official ‘bear’ then I apologise.
Stinking-wet and disease-ridden hairy arses hold little appeal, so I may resist the flight ticket purchase for now and advise the lady accordingly.
Must go back to bed and sleep. Ciao for now.

PS – Big Dummy, when one has read as many threads on here as I have over the years, one learns to add a wee disclaimer on topics that have even the remotest chance of being twisted into something dark and sinister by the forces of evil who lurk on here! Even then it doesn’t always work, as I’m sure you’ll have seen already… 😕

Stinking-wet and disease-ridden hairy arses hold little appeal,

“Great news. And next up on the We Smash People’s Childhood Dreams Into Little Pieces Show, it’s astronauts: they’re not scientists discovering new worlds, they’re just degenerate pilots with poor regard for personal safety…”

As the great Brian Molko sang, ‘protect me from what I want’….

How about one of these??

EDIT: This one is much better, it’s bound to fool her…

This way she could do more than cuddle 😉

Headfirst

loving the edit link! A bit pricey, but I think she’s worth it… 😛

Koalas are doomed: http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20110614/hl_time/08599207743100;_ylt=ArHukXYI_PyH5YS9HvJ3Kv3VJRIF;_ylu=X3oDMTJsdTBkc2kzBGFzc2V0A3RpbWUvMjAxMTA2MTQvMDg1OTkyMDc3NDMxMDAEcG9zAzkEc2VjA3luX2FydGljbGVfc3VtbWFyeV9saXN0BHNsawNhcmVhdXN0cmFsaWE-