Jokes about sausages

… are the wurst.

Link?

How do you stop sausages from curling in the pan?

You take away their little brooms.

Tell one then.

edit- too late

I can usually think up some kind of pun for most subjects, I just seem to have the knack. Worst case, I’ll look one up.

What looks like half a sausage?

The other half.

Also works for loaves of bread, chocolate bars and cucumbers.

Since I learned the German words for ‘bath’ and ‘sausage’, things have gone from Bad to Wurst.

Meatloaf just stole the sausage I was eating for dinner. He took the wurst right out of my mouth.

Wurst case scenario,

I must be ill – I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.

‘I feel like a pig drawing a cartload of sausages.  I’m drawing my own conclusion’

– Julian Cope  – ‘Ain’t No Gettin Round Gettin’ Round’ (Autogeddon)

I’m afraid to eat this german sausage. I fear the wurst

Damien Hirst has started using old cooking fat in his work – he’s gone all chip oil arty.

Best sausage to make bike frames?

Savalloy

Although geometry and tube profile have more of an influence than material alone

Oh, Heck.

Two sausages in a frying pan.

One says, “Is it just me, or is it getting hot in here?”

The other replies, “**** me! A talking sausage!”

A vegan was flying long haul and discovered the airline had forgotten his special meal. He had no choice but to eat the only meal available: some “mystery meat products” and cheese.

It was a Wurst-Käse scenario.

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and was caught by the Swiss border police

The whole event was pretty terrible. In fact it was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

Local sausage restaurant starts a YouTube channel…

Links in the description.

I’ve just taken my sausages back to the butchers…

There was only a tiny bit of pork in the middle, the left and right sides were just pure breadcrumbs.

The butcher apologised and said that he was suffering financially, business was tough and he was finding it increasingly difficult to make ends meat.

*Not my own work….

I had sausages last night and had to take a dump before I left home this morning and again when I got to work.  They were Toulouse sausages.

jimmy wasn’t cremated, he was turned into sausage meat and sold as fast food

jimmy saveloy and chips

op didn’t say the jokes had to be funny

I had a rubbish car once, made out of sausages – it was a banger

op didn’t say the jokes had to be funny

or, indeed, jokes it seems.

I tried some sausage made from donkey. It tasted like ass

A bunch of sausages are smoking around a poker table. Suddenly the door slams open and a salami walks in.

“You look parched my friend, would you like a drink?” Asks one of the sausages.

“No thankyou” says the salami “I don’t drink”.

“Join us for a smoke then” replies<span class=”read-more-text”> another of the sausages

“No thankyou” replies the salami. “Not for me”.

“Well you must have some reason for being here?” Asks the third sausage.

The salami looks around and sheepishly shrugs. “Sorry, wrong door. Like you guys I used to be a heavy smoker and hooked on a poker, but I’m cured now</span>

Forgot my old sausage joke ….

What’s the saddest breakfast in the world?

Four Lorne sausage.

What do you get if you cross a sausage and a monkey?

A boudain utan

…make ends meat.

*tries to find that GIF of the bloke determinedly clapping, fails*

I got served some sausages the other day that were made from dog meat.

Serves me right for going to Al’s Asian diner.

Two eggs, two rashers of bacon, two sausages and a tin of beans walk into a bar.

The barman says “sorry, we don’t serve breakfast in here”…

Meat based puns are such a rare medium

Cougar and Johnny win the thread.

If ever an advert needed sending up!

This isn’t a joke either.

From Private Eye today

Do you know what they do with the bits that aren’t good enough to go into sausages?

They sweep them all up and put them into sausages.

Would a Toulouse sausage be an old banger? Find out in ‘Cooking in Ancient Greece’.

Somewhat off topic, but reminded me of a TV programme years ago where some teenage louts were given army bootcamp as a short-sharp-shock.
One of the new recruits referred to the SGT as ‘sarge’. His (obviously practised) retort was “SARGE… SARGE! There are only two types of ‘sarge’ in the army. They are MASSAGE and SOSSARGE. So if you massage your sossarge, what does that make you?”

Nice one Ned, but probably true.

Things have taken a turn for the wurst!

Banger racing gone bad.

any others?